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Picky guest. Rude and ill-mannered or within his rights?

896 replies

AddToBasket · 29/06/2015 17:34

Gah. I am throwing a themed dinner party for friends from a particular interest. (A bit like a medieval feast for people from a 12th Century interest group.) The menu is complicated and of the 'Take one plucked flamingo' school of recipes. It's a massive deal and will require military-like organisation to pull off but I'm looking forward to it.

It's at my house but I have a co-host. The partner of the co-host will not eat anything on the menu. There are four options for starter, five for main course, four for pudding. My co-host tells me he eat won't eat any of them.

He's not vegetarian or allergic, he just doesn't like vegetables or anything 'complicated'. I've been asked to serve a plain chicken breast. The menu includes a roast chicken salad (offensive because of watercress) and a plain couscous.

I think it's rude. AIBU?

OP posts:
MrsAmaretto · 29/06/2015 18:25

He needs to be told to bring his own food as there is no space to cook anything else.

ASettlerOfCatan · 29/06/2015 18:27

It's not as simple as "do something plain" when doing so many dishes at once.

I have allergies and I would figure out what dishes were workable for me and if none were I would explain and then either ask you to leave X ingredient off (eg don't serve with bread) or if that wasn't easy to do I would either decline invite or bring my own food (but only if you were ok with this).

Fussiness with no reason drives me insane. In your situation I would offer the compromise of keeping aside some of the roast chicken from the salad and serving it with bread and whatever of the salad doesn't offend. I wouldn't cook something entirely different. If this person is so fussy they won't accept roast chicken and bread I would tell them to bring their own food.

ApocalypseNowt · 29/06/2015 18:27

I think the options you should give him are a) bring your own food or b) not come. It's not just a dinner party. The whole point is fancy themed food.

If he chooses option b) I will happily take his place. I will eat anything.

StayWithMe · 29/06/2015 18:28

If the salad is being made from scratch, can a portion be set aside before the crest is added? I'd be happy with any veg or salad put aside before the meat was added. I'm used to eating simple foods when I'm out as I don't like to cause a fuss. I honestly wouldn't expect anything fussy as my issues are my issues.

Nanny0gg · 29/06/2015 18:28

I am a fussy eater. Sorry, but I am. It isn't a choice.

However, if I was invited to a specific meal with specific food (ie Indian, which I can't bear) I just wouldn't go.

I would never expect to be specially catered for under those circumstances.

TheHumblePotato · 29/06/2015 18:30

Tell him to cook his own plain chicken breast and bring it along in tupperware.
For the effort you are going to the mind truly boggles at his attitude.

This is not your problem. If it comes to it then offer him the roast chicken salad already on the menu and if he makes a fuss about the watercress tell him to pick it out.

YouTheCat · 29/06/2015 18:30

If he won't just pick around the bits he doesn't like then you need to tell him to bring his own food or not come.

No way would I be fussing about doing something else with 13 dishes to cook.

pictish · 29/06/2015 18:32

I agree with Dino and Sooty - if he really can't/won't eat what's on offer (13 dishes!) then he doesn't attend.

CardinalRed · 29/06/2015 18:33

Wow! This guy is just plain rude.
Sounds like your party would be much better without his presence.
If he doesn't have the common sense to realise that catering this feast is a huge deal and that he's being totally unreasonable to make demands like this then better he doesn't come. Rather that than he sits and moans or makes ungracious comments .
Why would such a fussy gussy want to come to this feast in the first place if he decided he won't take part?

Lashalicious · 29/06/2015 18:34

The co-host should bring the partner's plain chicken breast. I generally would cater to a guest's requests but in this case it is beyond rude for the co-host to not just take care of it seeing it is the co-host's partner AND is the co-host of the event? You have enough on your plate (!) as it were.

Spog · 29/06/2015 18:34

he sounds like a total gobshite.

PHANTOMnamechanger · 29/06/2015 18:35

I think it's rude. If you are a terribly fussy eater you offer to bring your own meal, or even better a dish everyone can share, or you politely decline the invitation. I cater daily for gluten and dairy free DCs, and regularly for vegetarian and egg free guests too. But I would do this Hmm at someone just fussing about the choice when there is so much on offer .

I have to disagree with pp who said watercress has no taste tho. I personally love it, but it has a strong bitter/peppery kick and I know people who won't eat it. However, surely he could pick out the bits he did not like. There must be something he could eat. Otherwise he can stay home. Or bring a packed lunch. (Like my DCs had to time and time again at birthday parties. They were more grown up than this fussy adult about it. They did not ever mind not being able to eat the party food on offer as long as they could still go and play with their friends!)

meditrina · 29/06/2015 18:37

Someone who cannot eat the food, when the whole point of the gathering is the food, is better off declining; just as someone who gets terribly seasick is better off declining an invitation on to someone's boat.

You can only mitigate this by ensuring that not all your gatherings revolve round something they cannot do. So catering for specific dietary requirements would be very much in order for other events, but not (I think) this one which is all about the special 13 dishes.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 29/06/2015 18:37

AddToBasket you obviously know this guy and we don't, but from what you've said I can't help wondering if this is simply a case of attention seeking?

If so, isn't there a chance that he'll play up no matter what you produce for him ... after all, even a plain chicken breast can be underdone, overdone, stringy, bland and lots more. Maybe, to avoid awkwardness all round, it really would be easier to ask him to bring his own?

TendonQueen · 29/06/2015 18:37

Woooo's texts are good. I'd use one of those. Unreasonable to just expect another variant and not even offer to bring your own.

SolidGoldBrass · 29/06/2015 18:39

Well, he's a knob. Being a fussy eater or having food issues may be something a person can't help but you either decline invitations to meals or bring your own food. Whether your issue is an allergy, a phobia or you're just a bit of a wuss about food, demanding that special stuff is cooked for you by someone who is already doing an elaborate and varied meal is just attention-seeking. By the sound of it, this dickhead isn't even part of the group, he's just someone's partner, and he's going to come along and whine and interfere and spoil it for everyone else.
Is his partner used to indulging him? Would his partner accept that it's probably best if Fussybollocks doesn't come?

EastMidsMummy · 29/06/2015 18:40

Pardon my ignorance - what are 'sensory issues' in the context of food??

Lashalicious · 29/06/2015 18:42

The partner sounds like a fussy 3-year-old, how ridiculous! He will not eat ANY of the many different things on the menu? Here's my advice for him: eat before the event, cheerfully and unobtrusively push the food around on your plate, enjoy the event, don't complain, graciously thank the hosts, go home and eat your plain chicken breast. Otherwise have the co-host partner bring a plate for him.

PHANTOMnamechanger · 29/06/2015 18:43

East - some people genuinely have a problem about different textures of food - no lumps, or no sauces, or only cold or only warm foods but not both etc etc.

No doubt an expert will come along and explain better

LashesandLipstick · 29/06/2015 18:44
TheSpottedZebra · 29/06/2015 18:45

I'd probably do a plain chicken breastfeeding in foil, snuck into the oven somewhere.
And then serve it with something equally plain that passed muster like a microwaved potato or some plain cous cous. And serve it up with totally overdone grace but absolutely no pandering or attention.

TheSpottedZebra · 29/06/2015 18:46

Autocorrect -noooo!

A chicken breast. Just that.

CrohnicallyAspie · 29/06/2015 18:47

Sensory issues with food are usually associated with something like ASD, and basically you can't bear the feel of certain things in your mouth (really can't bear as in would vomit or come close). So you might have a problem with certain temperatures of food, or textures. In particular 'mixtures' of temperatures or textures can be a problem, like lumpy food.

WinterOfOurDiscountTents15 · 29/06/2015 18:51

Let the co-host/partner sort out his food. Simple as that.

TendonQueen · 29/06/2015 18:51

But if it's a texture issue, why not just take the chicken out of the chicken salad and eat that? Texture will be the same.

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