Picky guest. Rude and ill-mannered or within his rights?

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Gah. I am throwing a themed dinner party for friends from a particular interest. (A bit like a medieval feast for people from a 12th Century interest group.) The menu is complicated and of the 'Take one plucked flamingo' school of recipes. It's a massive deal and will require military-like organisation to pull off but I'm looking forward to it.

It's at my house but I have a co-host. The partner of the co-host will not eat anything on the menu. There are four options for starter, five for main course, four for pudding. My co-host tells me he eat won't eat any of them.

He's not vegetarian or allergic, he just doesn't like vegetables or anything 'complicated'. I've been asked to serve a plain chicken breast. The menu includes a roast chicken salad (offensive because of watercress) and a plain couscous.

I think it's rude. AIBU?

This will totally out me but what the hell, re issues with meat/ fish. I make what my family have dubbed 'a reject pile' of meat my plate. Its basically bits of meat I don't like the look of/ think they might be fatty or grisly, they go on the pile. Then at the end my dh picks through it, eating the pieces and saying 'see what's wrong with this bit?!'

The macaroni cheese comment he made was very rude and if he has issues then the co host should sort him out, there's already enough work to do without all that messing!

I've cooked macaroni cheese for this guy before and he took one mouthful and said 'yeah, not really my thing'

Sounds like a drama queen who likes making a point about his fussyness.

I reckon this one single little chicken breast is just his way to try control the situation, and make it all about him - now he has caused a problem, now he can ensure that HIS NEEDS are center stage, not the meal.....

Does he have to come if he is not into the type thing?

To be honest, I'd do him his fucking chicken breast. It's not easy to make a chicken breast delicious and moist if you can't use any herbs, spices or sauces. plain grilled or oven baked chicken breast is the dullest, driest food on earth, but just chuck one in the oven and give it to him with a pile of plain sweetcorn and some boiled potentates or something that you cooked in advance and pinged in the microwave for two minutes. Don't worry in the slightest about whether it's very nice or not, he obviously wouldn't know nice food if it bit him on the arse anyway.

I probably shouldn't but I'm @ GoStraight's 'boiled potentates'

I can't eat them - make me gag.

Me too.

Gostraight. There is no way the OP should cook him anything. She is making 13 separate dishes already. I suspect a chicken breast may be her wafer-thin mint moment.

When is this dinner party happening again? I'm going to need an update after wading through all these posts....

Co-host should have offered to bring something for their partner, even if they are not the chef.

I am dying to hear what your menu is OP, any chance of sharing?

Dinner is Friday night.

Starters

Aubergine with spiced red wine vinegar and yogurt
Pickled cheese (feta) with tarragon and pepper
Spelt bread
Cold meats/charcuterie of the period

Main courses

Honey roast chicken with watercress and shallot salad
Vegetable Stew with dried lime and dill
Leg of lamb with anchovies, rosemary and grape juice
Hake baked in salt and caraway (probably-this might change)
Spiced lentils
Couscous with herbs

Pudding

Almond milk jelly
Orange salad with rosewater and dates
Pears in grape reduction
Cakes (sort of pine nut cookies)

Chicken breast might well be a wafer thin mint moment .

That sounds delicious. I'd eat almost all of that. But I am greedy not in the selective eater camp.

Sounds lovely, OP. But have you told your co-host to sort out Fussybollocks yet?

It sounds really lovely. Are you dressing up, too?

Because, sadly, I do suspect that this man is a self-obsessed, controlling nightmare and his intention is not to 'make sure there's something he can eat' but to make his partner jump through hoops. There are some people whose way of abusing and isolating a partner is to make every social occasion a minefield of 'Will my ever-so-sensitive partner be upset by something?' The abused partner is repeatedly put in the horribly embarrassing position of having to demand that other people indulge and placate and obey the abuser: other people won't always oblige because sometimes they can't and sometimes they don't want to, but it's win-win for the abuser because the partner can then be berated for having 'selfish' friends who 'don't respect our relationship.'
So: you say to your cohost, look, it's really up to you and Fussybollocks to sort out his dinner, I've got too much on. This gets passed back to Fussybollocks, who throws a tantrum about being 'unwelcome' and you end up losing your co-host, because Fussybollocks has insisted that neither of them attend if he isn't indulged.

DOes this sound likely?

Anyone still think the OP is selfish for not cooking a roast dinner at the same time?

I am seeing co-host tomorrow so I will say something. I am thinking I might say:

'Do you think if I did a cold chicken breast and some white bread, your partner would be OK? I think my fear is someone telling the other guests that he doesn't like the food on offer and putting them off. Do you think Partner will be OK not to say anything like that?'

Basically, I'd trade a bit of hassle for reassurance that he isn't going to upset the atmosphere. But I am mindful of what SGB says, and I wonder if this puts too much emphasis on my co-host to relay this info.

It all sounds very Iranian or similar. What is the theme, I am desperate to know!

No dressing up. Some people suggested it but I know it will make others feel a bit less easy about it. I just want people to enjoy it so decided jeans would be fine.

OMG menu sounds seriously bloody amazing!

YANBU it sounds like a great evening, I'll take his place if needed

Tell him fussy eaters in the 12th century would have starved...

Ooh I've just noticed my boiled potentates. I am sure they were some delicious medieval Middle Eastern ingredient that graced every feast.

OP, If this is about him being a 'controller' then your last post would be right up his street as its making out to be too important on the night. It would make it all about him.

I wouldn't be wanting him there and I think your friend has to be told - please being something for DH with you as its the only way its going to work.

The whole thing does sound bloody lovely (but hard work for you OP) and imho there's something for almost everyone!

Your friend's DH should bring something if he really wants to come and eat with everyone else. I'm fussy, but the last thing I'd want to be is a burden.

oh OP I love that kind of food! It sounds like a fab evening.

OP, your menu sounds amazing and the kind of food that people will talk about for years to come. I am sure everyone will have a great time.

I'm with Weebirdie - I think giving him the control is playing right into his hands (I don't think this is about sensory issues at all - it's about control and being a pita). Tell your co-host to bring his partner something. Make out you're too flustered. Don't give him right of veto over the menu.

And the food sounds absolutely amazing. I'd happily come in his place - perhaps he'd like to stay at my house and look after my food refusing DS? They could have Birds Eye fish fingers (only acceptable brand) and McCains french fries (ditto) together? :o