Picky guest. Rude and ill-mannered or within his rights?

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Gah. I am throwing a themed dinner party for friends from a particular interest. (A bit like a medieval feast for people from a 12th Century interest group.) The menu is complicated and of the 'Take one plucked flamingo' school of recipes. It's a massive deal and will require military-like organisation to pull off but I'm looking forward to it.

It's at my house but I have a co-host. The partner of the co-host will not eat anything on the menu. There are four options for starter, five for main course, four for pudding. My co-host tells me he eat won't eat any of them.

He's not vegetarian or allergic, he just doesn't like vegetables or anything 'complicated'. I've been asked to serve a plain chicken breast. The menu includes a roast chicken salad (offensive because of watercress) and a plain couscous.

I think it's rude. AIBU?

I'm guessing it's a Roman night. Sounds lovely!

Oh yawn....just provide what you can he will either eat it or not, its a case of like it or lump it, surely. I suppose I don't have patience for people who make other people's events all about them - almost gleeful in how they can be a fucking pest & make the event host feel anxious. Im thick-skinned as anything...in your shoes OP I wouldn't be bending over backwards in fact Id be quite impassive about it all, since whatever you come up with won't please him. Probably best to tell your co-host what the menu is and don't get involved beyond that...haven't you got enough to do...?

Gaspode, you are right . Trading around the Med during the Roman Empire is the theme. I think that's pretty unlikely to out me, since I will place large sums that none of the guests is a mumsnetter.

I should really be using farro instead of couscous, and I might do that now - emboldened by this thread.

I have actually considered serving fish fingers alongside the hake for him!

That menu sounds amazing OP, I wish I was on your guest list.

Picky guest is rude. He sounds quiet selfish actually.

I mean, you are making all those dishes, it's not beyond most people to think that you only have so much time, so much money to spend, so much space in the kitchen, so much room in the oven, so much shelf space in the fridge, and just the one pair of hands.

And most people, on thinking about that, wouldn't expect you to buy more food and spend more time preparing it just especially for them.

You say this is a meal for people who share a similar interest. He doesn't sound that interested.

I'd be tempted to say no, it's just not possible to accommodate his additional food demands when you have so much else to do, but if you really feel you have to do something for him, I'd make him something in advance that he can eat cold. That way you can have it sorted and not have to worry about it on the night. If that doesn't suit, he can bring something himself.

But you would absolutely not be unreasonable to say no to his request and leave it at that.

OP, we want pictures of all the finished dishes please - I suppose requesting samples by mail is out of the question?

It sounds amazing, and like a true labour of love!

OP, YANBU

What does NT mean please?

butterfly NT means neurotypical I think

Haha! oddfodd

I think solidgold you are definitely on to something!

And OP your menu and party sound just wonderful!

Bittersweet, thank you.

I'm totally with Weebirdie on this, especially since the guy has form for ugly behaviour when you've catered especially for him before. There's no need for awkwardness either if you phrase the "you look after his needs" as a caring and helpful suggestion

You've now got another problem, unfortunately ... after reading that wonderful menu, all of us on MN want to come too!!

OP I'm on my way, that sounds amazing! I get that a lot of the menu is quite unusual and may not be to a picky eaters taste, but I wonder why he'd want to be there in the first place if everyone is sat tasting all these delicious dishes and discussing them. I'd feel like a prat sat with my plain chicken breast!

I actually shmpathise with this guy - that menu sounds like my idea of hell, far too fussy for me. However, I avoid any occasions like this so as not to inconvenience others.

I think it would be entertaining for us if you served up a really passive aggressive meal for him.

Plain breadsticks for an appetiser
Rice Krispies with a bit of milk on to start.
A Dairylea sandwich on white supermarket bread (crusts cut off) for main course.
A fromage frais for pudding.
An advent calendar chocolate (single) with his coffee (instant, little plastic tub of 'milche')

Oh what the heck, just present the rude guestzilla with a pizza hut delivery menu on arrival and tell him to knock himself out!

Is it Instones recipe translations you are using?

Having thought about it, I think I'd just serve him the same as everybody else.

The point of the night is to have fun together trying out the dishes you are making as part of your group interest.

If he doesn't want to take part, why is he bothering to come?

If you serve him the same as everyone else he can pick out or leave the bits he doesn't like, but since he point of the night is to eat this food, he should at least give it a try.

Basically, I'd trade a bit of hassle for reassurance that he isn't going to upset the atmosphere.

I'm with those who say you're cooking enough already and no, the delicate flower can't have an extra special plain chicken breast.

I'd talk to FussyTwat himself, rather than hassling your co-host. Here's what I'd say:

'If you won't [not 'can't', 'won't'] eat what's on the menu, then I'd suggest you make/bring something for yourself or don't bother coming.'

Sounds like a brilliant evening. There's always the roman slave option - maybe Mr Fussy could have a bowl of porridge? Though I suspect he is only going in case you all have an orgy.

Tell him you have a microwave.

One Christmas I had a relative who is sometimes gluten intolerant send me a list of food she could eat from M&S (she usually ships in Asda), another who is Muslim so no pork or seafood but she packed away the alcohol (I know I probably being unreasonable there but invest wholly or not at all IMO), then one who won't eat anything in a sauce or anything green.

They expected me to cater for them all with no help but me who literally shits through the eye of a needle with dairy gets no bloody special treatment!!! Ggggrrrrr.

Or, ignore the request, and let him make a fool of himself when he "cannot find anything to eat" in a 15 course feast.

If you want to, you can tell him to bring something to eat if he is not willing to try any of the 15 courses on offer.

Unfortunately I think that ignoring the request will lead to this man sulking ostentatiously, hissing asides at his DP about 'your poncy friends', talking loudly about how 'revolting' everyone's food looks and basically spoiling as much of the evening as he possibly can.

Solid, I think the OP needs to make it clear that if he comes, he does not moan.

And on the night, one comment like that and he'd be out on his ear if it were my house.

Zero tolerance.

Solid, Dont you think that is going to happen whether he has a chicken breast or not? Do you honestly think he sounds like the person who will let anyone enjoy a good meal at a dinner party?

"Just out of curiosity, if you did happen to be a 12th century peasant whose only food was pottage 3 times a day then what the hell did you do if you had sensory issues around lumpy food say, would you starve or do the issues disappear if you're starving, in the true sense of the word?"

"Is this a variation on the there are no "big boned" people in sub saharan Africa theme?

After a mere 12 pages too."

Yes, but you aren't answering the question, are you? What WOULD happen? I'm sure the person would start broadening their palate after a while.

I am "naturally" a picky eater, but I think living in the culture (Japan) where pickiness isn't really tolerated has kind of forced me to gradually get used to/accept foods I would have rejected before. I do groan a bit when a salad contains raw onions, but at least I can now eat a socially respectable amount of the salad. I suppose it's a good thing, really.

I do actually think there is a bit of a problem of, when pickiness becomes socially acceptable, people stop challenging themselves to broaden their palates, and the pickiness gets worse--or at any rate, doesn't get any better.

It reminds me a little bit of the "trigger warning" culture, where people start demanding that they be able to avoid coming across words or ideas which cause them stress. As I understand it, the actually evidence regarding "triggers" is that avoiding the trigger tends to make it worse in the long run--gradually-increasing exposure, by contrast, helps the person to start getting over the trigger through a process of desensitization.