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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Sponsoring DD

156 replies

DisappointedOne · 28/06/2015 20:47

DD is 4 and had her first ever sponsored event this week. It was quite a challenge for her and her little legs in terms of distance and hills, but she did it and is very pleased with herself. She understands that it's to raise money for the school and has asked the neighbours etc to sponsor her, which they've been happy to do. She's raised over £50 from neighbours and my side of the family (not including us).

DH's family: DD's grandparents, 3 uncles, 2 aunts and 5 cousins have sponsored her the grand total of £5. She obviously has no concept of this being a kick in the teeth, but I'm fucking fuming on her behalf.

We'll be driving the best part of 600 miles in one day next weekend to attend a christening for one of them. WIBU to spend the grand sum of 41.7p (£5/12) on a card and gift?

OP posts:

GrumpyOldBiddy2 · 28/06/2015 22:18

If it was about involvement you wouldn't be talking about sponsorship money.

KayAdams · 28/06/2015 22:18

I never ask friends and family to sponsor my DCs on their various sponsored events. We tend to bung in a nice lump sum to the school. End of.

However, we got stung last term. DS(age 7) was doing a school sponsored swim to see how many lengths he could swim in 25 mins. He's never swum more than 4 lengths in his leisure centre swimming lessons so I sponsored him £4 a length, thinking that would be 20 quid.

After the event I asked him how many lengths he had swum. "22".

Fiiiirrrrrkkk. And the worst of it... I'd told my DH to sponsor him the same.

arethereanyleftatall · 28/06/2015 22:20

Op, you're not coming across as a very nice person in these posts.
Could it be that it's not your dd her paternal family are avoiding, but you?

rockybalboa · 28/06/2015 22:21

I just want to know what the event was. Although OP's beef is clearly with the general overall lack of interest her DH's family take in her daughter. That would piss me off too. This isn't really about sponsorship at all.

MrsTerryPratchett · 28/06/2015 22:22

22 lengths in 25 minutes? At 7? You've been had.

WaltJunior · 28/06/2015 22:23

I can't believe this. I've never known anyone to ask for sponsorship for a child other than grandparents (which your dd's did give you & £5 is fine).
As for adults well of course everyone gets asked all the time and it's massively annoying but normal, if you want to sponsor sil then do so but certainly don't expect it back for a child that's nuts I mean what massive feat of endurance did she do at 4yo?? I would be massively if this was me!

ScrambledEggAndToast · 28/06/2015 22:25

These sorts of threads never go down well on MN OP.

That said, I would be miffed if I were you. I know the mantra on here is that people should only give what they can afford but it still grates when they are so miserly.

And no, I'm not still annoyed with my friend who badgered and badgered me for a donation for her sponsored thing which I gave into. Yet when it was mine a month or so later, she couldn't even spare a measly quid.

WaltJunior · 28/06/2015 22:29

Perhaps they're afraid to Skype in case they get angry sour mum on first?

PurpleDaisies · 28/06/2015 22:29

Your daughter is four. I'd guess most adults would think a normal amount of pocket money for a four year old is about fifty pence to a pound. That's what I would base the about I'd sponsor them on and I expect your relatives were just picking an age appropriate amount of money to sponsor her, not necessarily being stingy.

It sounds like you've already decided to be unhappy with them, regardless of the amount they had actually sponsored her.

KayAdams · 28/06/2015 22:32

MrsTerryP - I got an official thing from the school! Maybe the swimming pool isn't very big, rather than the 25m one he's been used to swimming in.

Anyway, I told this to his teacher as "oooh, what a funny story" and she let us off. I stumped up £50 and she was happy. Very happy.

Alice1983 · 28/06/2015 22:33

Sorry but really??? There are much worst things in the world to be annoyed / upset about. Get over it and be happy. When they gave that sponsorship which isn't actually going to your daughter but to a Charity I assume? they gave it with all their love. How or why does it matter how much they gave? You said it was about involvement so they are but are they more involved for giving more?? That's ridiculous

MrsTerryPratchett · 28/06/2015 22:35

Kay good for the teacher. Check the length, you might have a swimming star on your hands...

haveabreakhaveakitkat · 28/06/2015 22:37

Maybe they just prefer to give to local charities, op. The neighbours who gave her a fiver are unusually generous.

As for the lack of interest, maybe your materialism puts them off.

KayAdams · 28/06/2015 22:41

Well, MrsT - have just been onto the school website and yes, it is 25m... I can do a moderately fast 25m length in 40 seconds so I guess he was really going for it. He did say that another girl did 24 lengths. Anyway, thank you for the compliment for him xx

Scholes34 · 28/06/2015 22:44

It's not so surprising that a neighbour would give £5, as the school is very much part of their community. Possibly their children went to the school, or they may have children who will go there in time to come.

Have I missed what the OP's DD actually did in this sponsored event? The OP did mention that a lot of effort was involved.

bedraggledmumoftwo · 28/06/2015 22:48

Mrsterrypratchett, I did my 2mile certificate at the age of 7 (120*25m pool) and it only took a few hours, so its not impossible. Of course kay's son's school could have used a 10m pool instead!)

bedraggledmumoftwo · 28/06/2015 22:49

Sorry cross post

KayAdams · 28/06/2015 22:59

I know bedraggled - I did wonder whether they'd meant widths instead of lengths. Anyway, it was to raise money for a charity set up by a mum who'd lost her child to a brain tumour. The mum came into the school to collect the money dressed as a pink fairy and I cried and cried - the poor lady, I can't think of anything worse than to lose a child - so I don't mind the money. Am just glad I've still got my own boy to be annoyed at and shout at.

DeeWe · 28/06/2015 23:02

I do what most people I know do for sponsorship.

You decide how much you want to give, the divide it into your relatives. So you decide you want to give £10 and you do a list along the lines of:
Mummy £1
Daddy £1
Sibling 1 £1
Sibling 2 £1
Granny1 £1
Grandpa 1 £1
Granny 2 £1
Grandpa 2 £1
Aunt & Uncle 1 £1
Aunt and Uncle 2 £1

Works a treat, saves hassle. Child is perfectly pleased that they've got lots of people sponsoring them. You aren't hassling people for money for something that they don't want to support.

haveabreakhaveakitkat · 28/06/2015 23:06

Deewe this is exactly what we do. We even add 10p from pets and special toys

NoStannisNo · 29/06/2015 09:15

How exactly did you ask for the sponsorship? Was it via email, phone, text, FB? To be honest they probably just forgot - I have to say a 4 year old's sponsored event wouldn't be at the forefront of my mind.

We don't very often see DHs sister, mainly because we think she is an insufferable pain in the arse and we cant stand her. Im pretty sure the feeling is mutual and she doesn't like us much either. If she asked us to sponsor her kids for something I would probably not bother because a) she is just really annoying! and b) I know she would have managed to get loads of money from elsewhere.

Just another perspective there OP

SisterMoonshine · 29/06/2015 09:21

I do the same as DeeWe: pay it all myself.
I can't be bothering family and friends.

NRomanoff · 29/06/2015 09:25

Op, sponsorship is optional. They opted out.

You can opt out of the christening. You say you can't but actually you can.

Has it occurred to you theyight have neighbours kids knocking on their doors, friends kids asking etc.

MasterchefIwish · 29/06/2015 09:47

Ywnbu unreasonable to not go to the christening. I see you want to support your dh but you cant really do that if you are silently seething and comparing all times.

Yabu in others ways: obsession shows in relation to money and who can afford when really it should be who wants too. With comparing too others which will make itself known to your child and husband.

You sound very angry and defensive op, I am guessing that this for you appears another stamp in the lack of interest for your dd. In the case of sponsorship and charity you must seperate though because people have their own opions on those and it could as easily be or have been a friend doing the same.

Your daughter is happy. Focus on that or you will, without being purposeful, push the thought to her too. If these in laws show a lack of bother with your dc then lower your expectations and think for nothing. That way you'll always be surprised and not upset if any effort is made. If they show disinterest thrn return thr same. Let them set the bar.

Does your dh agree with you? Would he find your words on his families lack of interest to be correct or incorrect?

MasterchefIwish · 29/06/2015 09:49

Norovirus just after you pick up dh gets you out of it, unless if your dh wants to go

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