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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Sponsoring DD

156 replies

DisappointedOne · 28/06/2015 20:47

DD is 4 and had her first ever sponsored event this week. It was quite a challenge for her and her little legs in terms of distance and hills, but she did it and is very pleased with herself. She understands that it's to raise money for the school and has asked the neighbours etc to sponsor her, which they've been happy to do. She's raised over £50 from neighbours and my side of the family (not including us).

DH's family: DD's grandparents, 3 uncles, 2 aunts and 5 cousins have sponsored her the grand total of £5. She obviously has no concept of this being a kick in the teeth, but I'm fucking fuming on her behalf.

We'll be driving the best part of 600 miles in one day next weekend to attend a christening for one of them. WIBU to spend the grand sum of 41.7p (£5/12) on a card and gift?

OP posts:
CaptainHolt · 28/06/2015 21:57

YABU and ridiculous. Unless the hill related event was the 3 peak challenge or climbing everest I am astonished that you would expect more than 50p/£1.

As for asking the neighbours....

Next time bung £10 in an envelope and save yourself a lot of contorting to make normal behaviour look like kicking a small child in the teeth.

BuildYourOwnSnowman · 28/06/2015 21:59

So why are the GP's getting carpetted here? They gave a fiver? What did you expect?

I'm going to guess they think equally highly of you as you do of them

PennilynLott · 28/06/2015 21:59

YABU. Give it another few years of sponsored hops and you'll feel like everyone else on this thread.

saoirse31 · 28/06/2015 21:59

But at half nine you implied you'd just sponsored her yourselves op!! wonder whether the rest of your posts are similarly misleading to put yourself in a better light.

anyway I'd recommend that you try and avoid passing your dislike of your in laws to your dd and I'd also suggest in future you don't ask them for sponsorship.

and don't go to the christening if you don't want to.

And then they can complain how they sponsored your dd and you wouldn't even go to the christening.... and the cycle continues.....

Scholes34 · 28/06/2015 22:00

I'm very unlikely to give significant amounts of money to a school that my children don't attend or isn't a part of my local community. OP, others have said this, but you don't seem to appreciate or accept this.

Best way to raise money for the PTA is through discos or quizzes or cake sales, or by specifically asking parents to donate for a special money-raising project, such as for a mini-bus or playground equipment.

You're lucky to be getting £5 from people so far removed from your local area, so do be grateful.

Original poster
DisappointedOne · 28/06/2015 22:00

So why are the GP's getting carpetted here? They gave a fiver? What did you expect?

How have I carpeted them?

OP posts:
Stickerrocks · 28/06/2015 22:03

Which brings us back to the earlier point that everyone was making. It is only parents and possibly grandparents who feel obliged to sponsor small children. When the grandparents were parents to 4 year olds themselves, £5 would have been a huge amount of sponsorship, in the same way as 20p was a perfectly acceptable gift from the tooth fairy. Sponsorship does not have to keep pace with inflation and they have behaved in a completely reasonable way.

You obviously dislike your DH's side of the family and want to score points at the christening. Christening gifts should be given with love, not venom. You seem to want to act like the evil fairies in Sleeping Beauty. Please don't go to the christening if 1) you don't believe in the sentiments behind them and 2) you really don't care about the baby or its family.

NeedAScarfForMyGiraffe · 28/06/2015 22:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
DisappointedOne · 28/06/2015 22:04

I'm very unlikely to give significant amounts of money to a school that my children don't attend or isn't a part of my local community. OP, others have said this, but you don't seem to appreciate or accept this.

We grew up with no family around is. They were 200+ miles away. They sponsored us and sent cards etc.

DH supposedly comes from this amazingly close family, but they generally live as though we don't exist. Meanwhile DD is incredibly close to my few family members, despite the distance. It's not about money, it's about effort. And I'm going to make the same amount of effort as they do from now on. Smile

OP posts:
arethereanyleftatall · 28/06/2015 22:05

Fiver for a kids event is a really generous sponsorship.
GPS shouldn't have been incorporated in to your rant. Neither should the 5 children you initially included.

MrsTerryPratchett · 28/06/2015 22:05

I refuse some of these and give to some. Chiefly my decision in based on what the money is for. I don't give to animal charities because I'd rather give to people. I wouldn't have given to your DD's school because I think taxes should pay for education and things of that ilk and the more we shift that balance the more rich kids will benefit while poor children suffer.

It's not necessarily about how they feel about you or you DD but about what they decide to do with their money.

BuildYourOwnSnowman · 28/06/2015 22:06

i don't understand why you have included the GP's in this (other than the fact you clearly hate them) when they gave the £5.

why is it not just the aunt and uncles who you are cross with?

if my sister asked me to sponsor my niece (which she wouldn't) I wouldn't discuss it with my parents and don't see how they would be implicated in my lack of donation?

Sirzy · 28/06/2015 22:06

How often do the relatives see/speak to your Dd?

Original poster
DisappointedOne · 28/06/2015 22:06

You obviously dislike your DH's side of the family and want to score points at the christening. Christening gifts should be given with love, not venom. You seem to want to act like the evil fairies in Sleeping Beauty. Please don't go to the christening if 1) you don't believe in the sentiments behind them and 2) you really don't care about the baby or its family.

They don't even believe in the sentiments behind the christening! It's a massive farce. Unfortunately, as my nephew's parents are no longer together we've been begged to be there to make up the numbers on BIL's side. He has clinical depression and hasn't been well so we're going for him. Hence the horrendous journey and lack of real choice about going.

OP posts:
CakeNinja · 28/06/2015 22:08

The rest gave fuck all.

Good. Hopefully now you won't pester them again.
You must have skin thicker than a rhinos behind not to feel embarrassed about pressuring people into handing over their cash for a toddler walk/scoot/ski up or down a hill.
You say your dd was thrilled to raise more money. She will become as money obsessed as you come across.
How cringeworthy Confused

GrumpyOldBiddy2 · 28/06/2015 22:09

So sponsorship money = love and respect due, not so much sponsorship = no love or respect due.

You deserve lots of respect because you are generous with your money. Your husbands family are less worthy because they don't give so much sponsorship.

Drquin · 28/06/2015 22:10

So actually one person / family (the GP) gave a fiver, and the others nothing. I'd consider a fiver a reasonable sponsorship donation.

But, that's the whole point ...... I might consider it OK / fine / even generous. you might not. Ultimately it doesn't matter. We all give different amounts of time, talent and money to a variety of charitable causes. I might never be able to persuade you of that ..... But I think it's a fair comment.

TBH, sounds like you have wider problems with these folk that just a fiver here & there? If that's true, then there was probably never going to be an amount you were happy with.

And the christening is just a red herring. IF it were happening six months hence, you wouldn't be comparing the time, trouble and cost you're going to in attending with the sponsored event. So, go because you want to. Or don't.

Original poster
DisappointedOne · 28/06/2015 22:11

How often do the relatives see/speak to your Dd?

Depends whether our visits clash with something else they want to do. They've seen her once this year*. They all have Skype but won't use it to speak to her.

*None of them have been down here for 2.5 years. We went up 6-8 times a year for the first 3.5 of DD's years because DH wanted her to have a relationship with them. Even he has stopped asking about going up there now because they pay her/us so little attention.

OP posts:
Original poster
DisappointedOne · 28/06/2015 22:12

*i don't understand why you have included the GP's in this (other than the fact you clearly hate them) when they gave the £5.

why is it not just the aunt and uncles who you are cross with?*

I gave a list of the people in DH's immediate family. I suppose I could have made it all about the aunts and uncles but as they all behave like one amorphous twattish lump, I tend to think of them that way.

OP posts:
CaptainHolt · 28/06/2015 22:13

Bloody Hell! The man has clinical depression and has spilt up from his child's mother and you are whining that he hasn't transferred money for your kids school, hundreds of miles away from where he lives? Have I got that right?

Original poster
DisappointedOne · 28/06/2015 22:14

So sponsorship money = love and respect due, not so much sponsorship = no love or respect due.

You deserve lots of respect because you are generous with your money. Your husbands family are less worthy because they don't give so much sponsorship.

No no no no no. Not about money. It's about involvement.

OP posts:
Scholes34 · 28/06/2015 22:15

OP - that's fine then. If no substantial sponsorship money is forthcoming, don't go to the christening. How will they learn to do the right thing if you don't make your feelings known?

Original poster
DisappointedOne · 28/06/2015 22:15

Bloody Hell! The man has clinical depression and has spilt up from his child's mother and you are whining that he hasn't transferred money for your kids school, hundreds of miles away from where he lives? Have I got that right?

NO. You haven't.

OP posts:
GrumpyOldBiddy2 · 28/06/2015 22:17

You can't stand your husbands family because they refuse to worship at the altar of PFB.

You perceive yourself as superior to them when actually you come across as a nasty, selfish person.

CaptainHolt · 28/06/2015 22:18

Then do explain my error, because thats how it reads