AIBU to be disappointed that the new CEO of the NCT is a man?

[ArcheryAnnie]

The new CEO of the NCT is due to start work shortly - a man, Nick Wilkie.

The NCT's mission is to support parents during pregnancy, birth and early childhood. Their line re the new CEO is that men can be parents, but my line is that it's only women who get pregnant and give birth.

There are many, many senior, suitably qualified women in the UK who could perform this role. Furthermore, from my experience with the NCT, all the events I went to, it was women who do most of the work. I'm tired of organisations where women make up the majority of the volunteers, or the workers, but where a man is the CEO. I didn't expect it of the NCT.

AIBU to feel massively disappointed that the NCT are putting a man in charge?

I honestly don't know wideopen and its impossible to measure. But childbirth isn't always awful, I may be weird but I enjoyed one of mine

I don't think it is awful either - mine was miraculously simple and a fecking relief after my pregnancy did I mention all the vomiting?

But I completely refute the idea that men would in any way find it harder.

I think when its hard is when things arent so straightforward. Straight comparisons are impossible though. My point is purely that it isn't necessarily easy for men as they can be really scared and feel helpless.

Very true purdiepipesup, NCT's idea of poverty is not having more than one car!

Nobody would disagree that men can find having a newborn hard. But what they experience is not PND.

Men can and do have a break from the labour room, women simply can't escape labour because they're the one doing it. Just for a laugh, I might ask dh whether he would rather have been the one giving birth to ds1, or indeed, any of the dc (ds1 was a particularly bloodthirsty-type birth) or the one watching, and doing the odd back massage. I'm pretty confident of his answer.

ok, I don't have an issue with identifying the physical/ hormonal changes with being necessary for pnd.

Someone else said that the bloke would be out at work while the woman cared for the baby round the clock.... not in this house!

Even women labouring can go to the toilet sabrinna

Quite right too, Tobysmum. But the woman is left doing all the care for the newborn in an awful lot of cases.

tobysmum - quite often without ever leaving the bed.....

Now watch to the end of the clip.............It's just Peepshow though - posted for the lolz.

I personally would've liked to have 'gone' in private to the toilet with ds1- rather than having a commode wheeled in and being lifted onto it by 2 midwives- due to complete paralysis of the legs by an epidural. Don't recall that sort of thing happening to my husband.

at NCT's definition of poverty. They did try - and they talked about it a lot though.

Re-men and PND, one of the things that used to get on my nerves was the bad writing from some of the HO staff. Some of it was woeful. And it looks like the PND item could have been written better. BUT depression in men does impact on family life, and on the wives and partners. And the children. It is especially hard if a man is depressed after a new child arrives. No experts can totally agree on whether depression is an illness caused by 'wonky brain chemistry', environment or a bit of both. But it is a condition that affects families so has to be addressed. And male depression has been underreported and under-acknowledged for decades, so about time it was targeted. This should not be at the exclusion of depression in new mothers, but both have to be tackled.

Various birth experts (Michel Odent and the late and much missed Sheila Kitzinger are two) have often suggested the emphasis on men at births is not always a good thing and can hinder some mothers. It depends very much on the dynamics between all the people, there, but men being expected to be there, esp. if they don't want to be, can be a problem. IMHO! There are so many factors, enough for an essay probably, but society does kind of expect the man to be there these days, yet for some couples it's not the right thing at all.

Yeah but this is why comparisons are pointless, personally my first sign of proper labour was very frequent toilet trips ..... in private, thankfully

I don't really understand the relevance of your last post - are you arguing that all labouring women get to toilet in private, then?

no, just saying that everyone's experiences are different that's all . So the same will be true of dh/p's.

Coincidentally or not my good birthing experience was the one where my dh was relaxed and happy also in his own surroundings, he was a much better support also than when he spent the time glancing anxiously at that fecking trace.

It's luck ime. Position of the baby, mainly. DS1 was back to back - was agony (hence epidural) and PPH. DS2 was a doddle - a text book labour and birth - dd3 - awkward (she was breech until 35wks, and then was sort of sideways!) and long.

A hard, long labour can really, really affect a new mother - not least from the lack of sleep - I lost 2 nights sleep labouring with ds1. DS2 - was done within 4 hrs, the difference was amazing.

I still don't think DH would have swapped places with me though.

Similar to my 'good' birth experience too. Both of us being well supported by good midwives made a huge difference to DH's ability to support me. And the labour whipped along at a decent pace, unlike all the previous ones. Yay for an atmosphere where endorphins can flow freely.

So much is wrong with birth in the UK, and I first gave birth about 25 years ago. In a sense things are worse now. Some things have improved but so much is still wrong, often due to underfunding. The NCT has changed its focus, certainly, but birth is still very much part of it. The main argument is that parenthood lasts much longer than birth, so should have a greater focus. IN the NCT antenatal classes are supposed to have 50:50 focus between birth and postnatal. That's how the class facilitators are trained. AFAIK most are striving to do that.

I agree re luck playing a part its all so complex.

My b2b one was shorter than yours, a mere 18 hours. We both missed a nights sleep b4 dd being born at 4pm I had the adrenaline of labour to keep me going, dh was totally and utterly exhausted. He was stressing about the trace, I was in too much pain to care about it..... . It wasn't much fun for either of us.