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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to be disappointed that the new CEO of the NCT is a man?

368 replies

ArcheryAnnie · 26/06/2015 23:29

The new CEO of the NCT is due to start work shortly - a man, Nick Wilkie.

The NCT's mission is to support parents during pregnancy, birth and early childhood. Their line re the new CEO is that men can be parents, but my line is that it's only women who get pregnant and give birth.

There are many, many senior, suitably qualified women in the UK who could perform this role. Furthermore, from my experience with the NCT, all the events I went to, it was women who do most of the work. I'm tired of organisations where women make up the majority of the volunteers, or the workers, but where a man is the CEO. I didn't expect it of the NCT.

AIBU to feel massively disappointed that the NCT are putting a man in charge?

OP posts:
OneFlewOverTheDodosNest · 29/06/2015 16:41

I think it's a shame that the NCT has chosen a male CEO but it's only in line with its shift towards parenting rather than childbirth and now apparently towards focusing on fathers.

This quote from the first line of their article on PND in fathers I think illustrates their new outlook: "Postnatal depression (PND) is a form of depression that is more likely to affect dads (and mums) in the first year of their baby's life. It can happen gradually or all of a sudden, and can range from being relatively mild to very hard hitting"

Yes, relegated to parentheses - what a sad summary of affairs.

morage · 29/06/2015 17:06

That is awful. So mums are an afterthought.

Amummyatlast · 29/06/2015 17:44

That is awful. So mums are an afterthought.

Why is that a problem in an article about PND in fathers?

duplodon · 29/06/2015 17:52

It irks me. As far as I am concerned PND doesn't exist in fathers. It's major depression in the year of their baby's birth which, like all major depression, is serious and needs to be treated seriously and with appropriate intervention and general understanding and kindness . However it bothers me hugely to have the term 'postnatal' applied to men. Men don't have a postnatal period. They can, of course, have depression triggered by a major life event such as having a new baby or becoming a dad. This doesn't make depression at this time something best described as postnatal.

FraggleHair · 29/06/2015 17:59

I had no idea male postnatal depression was considered a real thing.

hackmum · 29/06/2015 18:37

" They can, of course, have depression triggered by a major life event such as having a new baby"

Isn't that what postnatal depression is in women?

tobysmum77 · 29/06/2015 18:44

In terms of childbirth I don't think it is necessarily harder for women mentally, physically yes obviously. The man has to watch the woman he loves in pain, he may be afraid he is going to lose her or the baby and he is totally helpless. I'm not sure I wouldn't rather be the woman tbh in that situation.

Dont get me wrong the first time I heard a bloke say 'we didnt want an epidural' I was Shock .

tobysmum77 · 29/06/2015 18:46

duplon I think you are right in so far as they don't have the hormonal changes/ physical impact.

However if they are more prone to depression in that year does it matter?

morage · 29/06/2015 18:53

Yes it matters. Postnatal depression, is a specific experience that affects mothers. It should not be used when it is really depression.

ApocalypseThen · 29/06/2015 19:14

The man has to watch the woman he loves in pain, he may be afraid he is going to lose her or the baby and he is totally helpless.

Really? He doesn't actual have to be there, the woman does. I think really experiencing something is harder than watching it, to be honest. And they're not already wrecked after watching someone else be pregnant - well, not as wrecked as someone who has been pregnant.

tobysmum77 · 29/06/2015 19:21

But they do have to be there don't they? Men are expected to be there or will be judged.

duplodon · 29/06/2015 19:24

The overwhelming majority of women with PND are also caring round the clock for a baby with little break, recovering from pregnancy and childbirth and may also be breastfeeding and/or having complicated feelings around infant feeding (this is a major source of anxiety in many women with PND). There are very few men who would have the same experience. The differences are stark in the overwhelming majority of cases. There will be exceptions of course, but in general, no, I don't accept men have a postnatal period.

In any case as I said up thread PND isn't recognised as a distinct diagnostic entity anyway so why men need to be said to have it is beyond me.

duplodon · 29/06/2015 19:26

And Tobymum it would be rare that a man would not work during this period. It is also fairly common that the woman, regardless of how ill she may be, will be providing care for the baby and/or other children most of the time.

morage · 29/06/2015 19:27

But if this is the kind of rubbish NCT spout, then it makes sense that they have a male CEO.

tobysmum77 · 29/06/2015 19:30

So is work not equal to caring for a baby during the day? Does a man not have a right to find working and looking after a baby at night difficult?

It's weird, I consider myself to strongly be feminist but it's about equality not a competition. It can.be hard for both situations, why does it being harder for the woman or the man? Can't one/both struggle?

tobysmum77 · 29/06/2015 19:31

What is your issue with men morage?

Wideopenspace · 29/06/2015 19:31

Childbirth is harder for the man?

On any level, this cannot be true. I just don't see it. Is pregnancy also harder on men because they are out of control and have to watch the mother of their unborn child throw up every day for 8 months that may just have been me, certainly felt like it, grown a feckin beach ball in her pelvis and have all manner of weird ass things happening to her body?

Poor men...

ApocalypseThen · 29/06/2015 19:32

But they do have to be there don't they? Men are expected to be there or will be judged.

I still wouldn't say they have to be there in the sense that women have to be there. When I gave birth, there was no way out, I had to face it, no matter what. A bit of judgement (that you may or may not face) is hardly the same thing. The option of being there to save face only wasn't open.

FraggleHair · 29/06/2015 19:33

I don't think she has an issue with men, she just doesn't believe that men can have PND. I tend to agree.

tobysmum77 · 29/06/2015 19:33

Er no where did I say it was harder, I said it wasn't necessarily harder mentally for the woman Hmm

Wideopenspace · 29/06/2015 19:35

I wasn't quoting toby'smum - I suppose I assumed if it wasn't harder mentally for the woman then you must mean it could be harder for the man?

P'raps I misinterpreted?

purdiepipesup · 29/06/2015 19:36

I don't care who runs it. If you're non-white or poor you're excluded anyway.

tobysmum77 · 29/06/2015 19:37

apocalypse that is technically true of course, but my point is that in reality if they are a loving partner and their wife wants their support they do have to be there. It isn't optional, they can't just bugger off down the pub in reality.

ApocalypseThen · 29/06/2015 19:39

It isn't optional, they can't just bugger off down the pub in reality.

Unless they're the ones having an epidural, they can, in reality. They may not like the consequences, but they can leave.

tobysmum77 · 29/06/2015 19:42

Well if they are ok with 99% of mn trilling ltb then yes they can. Most arent ok with that though, so have no choice.

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