to ask for your childhood experiences of a working or stay at home mother?

[suddenlycupishalffull]

I do not want to start a bun fight on the old debate, what I'm interested in your experiences as a child of your mum working or staying at home. There's so much in the press at the moment about working mothers (link below of latest example), it seems there's a real push to get mothers back to work, and in another thread, another poster mentioned she felt her younger siblings benefitted from their mother going to work through her increased confidence and self-belief. So I wonder what was your experience as a child? I'll go first...my Mum stayed at home but to be fair I really don't have any memories of that magical golden childhood that a SAHM is meant to engender...we had holidays, some big ones, I wasn't aware that we struggled for money though I found out when my Dad died that they were struggling...I'm not sure that I was any happier for my Mum being there all the time but then I knew no different. What was your experience, particularly if your Mum went back to work when she had been at home or visa versa?

www.theguardian.com/world/2015/jun/24/having-a-working-mother-works-for-daughters

My mum was a SAHM to me and my 3 siblings. She had a nursing background but I don't think she enjoyed that career and was in no rush to get back to work. My father had a very well paid job and relied on her to keep house and act as hostess when required.

I have memories of a very full pre-school time at home with her. I think that I could almost read and write before I got to school. We would do craft activities such as potato prints and sewing. Later she taught me how to knit and cook. In my teenage years she would encourage us to go to art galleries and the theatre. She would drive me and my friends on trips to the local city I remember 12 teenagers in a large estate car. Sadly I don't think she was very happy as time went by. There were few employment opportunities in our area for someone with her talents and as my father earned a very good salary, there would have been little financial point in her taking a low paid job in a shop.

My parents divorced when I was in my 20s and she finally got a job in her 50s as a support worker but I don't think she really enjoyed it and she was lucky to be able to retire at 60. She now has a enjoyable life with art classes and U3A etc

My mum went back to work when I was 11, just starting secondary school. My younger DB & DSis (twins) had just started infants.

So suddenly an awful lot fell to me. School pickups, making tea, taking washing in, watering/checking small livestock, I hated it. I missed her terribly. My younger brother & sister's needs were obviously more important and I would barely see her before bedtime.

She never seemed to be there for me in quite the same way. I was keen on a lot of different sports but could no longer do the after school coaching/ training and lost my place in the 3 teams I had played in.

The family dynamic changed completely and there was a great deal of unhappiness. Dad withdrew, she was exhausted.

I feel lucky. I had my DD at 41 and was at a point in my career where i was financially independent with good contacts and able to please myself about how much work i did and how regularly I took it on.

My DH, whose mum was also at home for most of his childhood until his dad died in his mid teens, supported me in my wish to be largely at home for DD.

I'm very pleased about how it's worked out. I know DD appreciates it - she has friends with both parents working, so hears their experiences and views too.

Miy Mum was a SAHM until I started school and then worked two and a half days a week until she retired. She worked as a hairdresser a few doors down from my primary school and would take me to school, go to work and then nip out to collect me at 3.30 and take me back to the salon with her until 5. My middle school was in the same village so I would walk to school myself and then see her at work afterwards. My memories are of always having my Mum right there. My Dad worked nights Mon- Thurs until I was about 8 so he was always around after school and a long weekend. After I was about aged 8 he became self employed and worked 6 days a week, long hours. I know that although he made a good living for us he regrets the time he spent working so hard and being so tired.
I am a SAHM and my DH works from home. I feel it's the best thing for our family - sometimes money is tight and we lack the security 2 FT working parents provide but the time we are able to spend with our children at this time out weighs that. If we had to, if the shit hit the fan we would both go out to work FT but at the moment we can manage and choose to sacrifice security for this time with our boys.

It's interesting...I always think of my Mum as a SAHM but I forgot to add that she in fact went out to work when I must have been early to mid teens in a factory part time then full time where my Dad worked...I remember Dad being responsible for some dinners suddenly which would mean a ready meal, which we actually loved as he made such a flourish of it and we had to make a mock-fuss as we all knew it was actually a crap effort, but it was fun...and they would come home with fish and chips on a Friday night...and treats initially until they made a big point of sayin we couldn't have treats every night she worked...

My mum was a sahm til i was 11 and my brother was 13. After she went back to work, my brother started truanting from school and missed loads of time before it was flagged up.
I loved my dm being home.

Oh please, not another one, what is going on?

Dryin wtf do you mean? We've heen asked to share our experiences and memories of our own lves.

Why so defensive? There are other threads ...

My mum worked a term time contract when I was young. I remember at about 8 years old being a latch key kid, letting ourselves in and I would get diner ready. I loved having a bit of responsibility. I think in reality we were home only for an hour/hour and a half before she came in.

She was off summer holidays which was great although I do remember getting bored a lot.

My mother was a stay at home and miserable
When we were at big school she returned to work where she was equally miserable
Then she retrained and was miserable again

I think of my Mum as working (more than) full time when I was a child because from my age 5-17 she did so. But she was actually a SAHM until I started school - I do remember that if I actually think about it, but the memories/impression it made on me have been totally swamped by the much clearer memories of her working outside the home when I was older. I found the work ethic of both my parents very inspiring and felt motivated to work hard at school because it seemed normal to put in high amounts of effort and time/prioritise one's 'job' (see; 'school is your job', etc).

But ... OP

1. Why are you asking this in AIBU? Really, why?

and

1. Why did you link to that Guardian article?

Dryingmy...don't like it? Bores you? Then scroll on, scroll on...

Mintyy I'm asking here because I was reading the other thread on tax credits, in which someone mentions something related to this topic, & I thought it would be interesting to hear the experience of others. The Guardian article because it came up in my FB feed this morning

My mum stopped working when she got pregnant with my oldest brother and never went back. She was a nurse and my dad was a doctor. When my dad took up his first consultant position, she enquired at the hospital where he was moving to and was told that the wives of consultants were not expected to work. So that was that (bless the 1970s). I had a happy childhood. Dad wasn't around much when we were small as he was focused on his career and worked long hours, so my mum was like the centre of my universe. She "ran the house"; did all the driving, DIY, and made the big decisions about finances, holidays and us children.

When I reached my teens I became more judgmental and secretly resolved to have a dazzling career and not give it up to raise children. Now the fates have conspired and I've found myself a SAHM to two small children, with a husband who works long hours, and I feel ashamed that I was scornful when I was younger. That said, I do want to work again when we return to the UK and my youngest starts school.

My mama worked from 9.30 -2.30 in the local factory for years before we children realised. We were at school, she worked tt only. Funny old world innit!

My mum was a SAHM. It was idyllic in some respects but when I started school it was a massive shock to be away from her and with other children and for that reason I wanted my DCs to go to nursery from a younger age.
They both settled into school so much easier than I did.
She did work part time as she got older but I think she always resented not being able to become a teacher and was very critical of other working mums until I became one.
I have an OK job, think my dad always really encouraged/influenced me more in that respect.

My mom was a SAHM as my dad was a multimillionaire businessman who jetted around the world. He provided very well for us financially but my mom was basically a single parent as dad was always working. She took and picked us up from school ever day, cooked every night for us, attended every single school event etc. I took it for granted at the time but now I am so grateful to both of them for everything they did for us. We had an unbelievably happy childhood.

I spent many years trying to conceive and, although I had a relatively high flying career, I lost interest in it when I was undergoing fertility treatment. I couldn't wait to leave work once I was pregnant and don't miss it a bit. I want to take my children to school and back every single day and not have to juggle things if they are ill and for school events. I take my hat off to WOHMs as I know from my friends that juggling everything is very difficult. However, for our family me being at home works as my husband would not be able to progress as far up the career ladder as he has without me holding the fort at home. Interestingly, my sister has done the same and we both admit that we were heavily influenced by our positive experiences of having a SAHM.

Although my dad basically missed our childhood he was able to retire early and he now dotes on his grandchildren who he sees every day. He spends hours playing with them all so he is trying his best to make up for lost time. My husband does his best to spend as much time with the children as possible as he doesn't want to miss out like my dad did.

My mother wanted to go to college but her family only educated the boys. She went to work at 17 and her earnings helped send her brothers to college.

She worked until she married and then had to give up (civil service marriage bar back then).

She never worked again. She was certainly there for us (in a 1970s way - I was letting myself into the house at age 9 while she was out and she had no problem doing loads of evening activities) and her not working meant we could spend summers at the seaside with her with dad coming down at weekends but I feel she gave up a lot for that. I think ultimately she would have been far happier if she had worked. And I would have been fine with a bit of childcare if she was happier. She filled her life with friends/bits of study (I really wish she had actually gone back to college properly) and unbelievable volunteer work.

The time of her life when we might have needed her at home was only a few years - she lived for more than 80 years. She was the product of her times and her family dynamics. She was determined that her daughters would all have the best education they could and would have the kinds of jobs/professions that gave you something to rely on/made you independent. I thank her every day for that. I went back to work after each of my children and I think she was really glad I did (think my father disapproved actually but he wouldn't have said anything)

Both my parents worked and my mum went back when I was 6 weeks old because of the interest rate crisis in the 80s. I was looked after by my DGM when no-one at home until nursery (DF worked shifts when I was very young so sometimes he was there and other times not, albeit he must've been bloody knackered when he looked after me all day and then went on night shift!). Later DF worked away. I was quite often a 'latch key kid' in secondary.

My DM would not have made a good SAHM, despite working with kids. V. high expectations, v. high cleanliness standards (house like a show home even now) and no exceptions for me (as a teacher she was far more reasonable, but I was NT, her child and very bright, so no get out).

TBH I loved my childhood. DF was very hands on when at home, but DM less so - we've grown closer as I reached adulthood as long as we're not in my house because it isn't a show home.

Once I reached about 9-10 we had a nice lifestyle, but similar to what I posted on another thread, dropping one income would have been quite unpleasant for many years.

DP had a SAHM. I would say I am far more pragmatic and far more likely to notice stuff needing done about the house than he is, albeit he can cook and bake up a storm. We're fairly equal in attainment, confidence etc. although I earn quite a bit more. IMO he had too much done for him!

My mum seemed happier and less inward looking and dysfunctional when she worked... For a time I remember she worked nights and although we missed her when she was out the house, I recall her being happier and more vibrant and stable during this time. There were other contributory factors but I think being a ft SAHM had a negative impact on her mental health.

My mum was a SAHM when we were pre-schoolers, then worked PT in her and my dad's business when I was at school. When I was about 14 she went back to Uni and retrained as a teacher and did that FT for another 15 years. I admit I loved having a SAHM. I would have hated being in after school / holiday club etc as even as a child I really needed "alone" time and enjoyed being at home with my own stuff. My mum was an amazing SAHM- very engaged, always thought of interesting stuff to do without helicoptering. However, I think she might have been happier if she'd had a job independent of her and dad's business and therefore more of an independent life outside the family. On reflection I sense she didnt really have a peer group. Maybe I'm just projecting though.

One of my early school memories is being poorly and the office looking up my mum's number to call her to get her to pick me up and me having to argue really forcefully that it was dad's number they needed (they both worked but his job was more flexible for things like emergencies). My mum's profession is so important to her, I can't think about my childhood and imagine it without her working - I think we would all have been v unhappy

My mum was a sahm and was thoroughly miserable. A lot of my childhood memories revolve around her bitterness and passive aggression towards her situation. She got a parttime job when I was around 8 which helped her a bit but it was menial and not v challenging which made her frustrates too. My mum is highly intelligent and I think she felt she missed the boat career-wise and has since told me to never ever quit my job to be a sahm. I have taken this advice and have worked parttime since my kids were born and intend to go back fulltime when they're teenagers. There was also never enough money in our house even though my dad always had a secure job so on balance the 4 of us (me and my siblings) would definitely have benefited from my mum having a job.

My mum was a SAHM; everyone's was. I had a lovely childhood and holiday memories. We weren't rolling in it, but I had no sense that we were struggling at all.

I'm not a SAHM, though I do feel guilty for not giving my kids what I had. But times have changed, and I hated maternity leave, so I was never going to provide my kids with the same experience, because I just didn't enjoy it enough.

My mum being a SAHM is part of the reason I'll never be. She sacrificed an awful lot and was often very depressed. If she'd had a job and a bit more confidence she wouldn't have put up with my dad being so nasty to her.

My mum worked full time (10+ hour days and odd weekends) from when I was 9 months old. Dad worked full-time too + the odd weekend too and I hated it. I was in school from 8am-6pm everyday without fail at after school clubs. And all through every holiday as well. I never got many playdates with my friends because my parents worked and couldn't collect me/drop me off or be home to allow me to have my friends over.

I love them to bits and the plus side was I never wanted for anything and I got lots of lovely holidays to far-flung places, but I would rather have had my parents around more. They rarely came to school plays, concerts etc. because of work and it really upset me that all my friends parents came everytime and mine never did.

I appreciate that's just my experience but it's the main reason I'm planning to be a SAHM or at least work part-time when my children are in primary. I don't want them feeling the way I did.