to ask for your childhood experiences of a working or stay at home mother?

[suddenlycupishalffull]

I do not want to start a bun fight on the old debate, what I'm interested in your experiences as a child of your mum working or staying at home. There's so much in the press at the moment about working mothers (link below of latest example), it seems there's a real push to get mothers back to work, and in another thread, another poster mentioned she felt her younger siblings benefitted from their mother going to work through her increased confidence and self-belief. So I wonder what was your experience as a child? I'll go first...my Mum stayed at home but to be fair I really don't have any memories of that magical golden childhood that a SAHM is meant to engender...we had holidays, some big ones, I wasn't aware that we struggled for money though I found out when my Dad died that they were struggling...I'm not sure that I was any happier for my Mum being there all the time but then I knew no different. What was your experience, particularly if your Mum went back to work when she had been at home or visa versa?

www.theguardian.com/world/2015/jun/24/having-a-working-mother-works-for-daughters

When I very little my mum worked days and my dad nights. He still managed to look after me in the day, somehow! When he got a day job I remember going to childminders, and feeling a bit 'lost'. I think I was around 3. Once I started school mum worked 9 till 3 and I did like her being home after school. By the time I was about 12 I think she worked longer hrs which was fine as I was happy to be home alone after school for a bit. This was 30 plus years ago and amongst my friends most had sahms. I thought it was weird their mum's didn't work!

My mum worked full time (secondary school teacher) from when I was about 3 I think. Dad worked full time too.

I don't remember anything other than loving play school from when I was really young.

I do remember being the only child in my primary school on a snow day because my mums school didn't close! Fondly actually, I had the place to myself! :)

I remember going to my friend's houses after school until my mum could come and get me. Until I was old enough to have a key and come home alone.

My mum was always home by 4 but then had to work late in the evening. She always had piles of marking after dinner.
I'm very proud of her and my dad. And like a pp their hard work meant they could give me a leg up on the housing ladder which has made a massive difference to my life.

I work part time myself (4 days a week).

My mum went back to work as a night nurse when I was 6. I remember hating her not being there which is a bit silly. Night shift solved the childcare issue. She slept while we were at school so was always there when we got home. In school holidays we'd go out to play while she slept. I don't think you could do that nowadays!
She quit when I was 14 or 15 because she was going through a very bad period and decided to get in a quarrel with a sister. She resigned and it really knocked her confidence. She went back to work in her late 50s and that was a real turning point for her. She is in her 70s and still works.
Tbh we had the best of both worlds. Mum was around for sick days and school events. It must have been bloody hard work for her though.

Wow Denimwithdenim00 a waste of time?! I'm finding these stories fascinating and inspiring, I don't ever think it's a waste of time to hear individual experience, all these amazing women who marched down to the boss and demanded part time hours when it was unheard of or who provided endless summers of simple pleasures at home? God no, not a waste of time in my book, more stories like this please!

FlatWhite I say Mums because I don't know any stay at home or part time Dada...not one...not through work, where we live, anywhere...all the father I know work full time, most of them dependent on a second income to provide the nice things in life, but none of them even considered giving u other career for children as far as I'm aware.

I think you've missed the point of the OP and of the thread Denim. I think that's exactly what the OP wanted, a general discussion about our own experiences of our mothers.

Mine went back to work full time when I was 5 wks old. That's why she didn't breastfeed. I was dropped at my Gran's at 6am. My Mum says she never would have been able to do it without the GPs help, because there was no nursery or CM then, and she couldn't have afforded it anyway.

My best friend's Mum didn't work, and there were times when I was jealous....her Mum was forever 'helping' at school and mine wasn't, she always had the best Easter bonnet while me and my Mum had cobbled something together at 9pm the night before, she went home for lunch everyday etc etc.

Looking back now though she was a brilliant example for me. I wouldn't have it any other way, and I know I could never be a SAHM. With my dire financial situation it's never likely to be an option mind

I used to stay at home on my own ill off school when mum was not allowed time off work. parents used to pop home in their lnch hours to check I had not burned the place down was ok

I used to go to school on my own with friends who were less than kind and come home to an empty house or wander off to find friends to play with.

I used to have no-one at sports days or assemblies and that made me really upset when lots of parents did not work.

I used to hate it.

my mum was a SAHM until she went back to work when i was around 11/12. I liked it because I felt like she was overinvolved and intrusive as an SAHM, and after she went back to work she didn't have the time. But my mother was not a great mum either way, so working or not working made no difference really.

My parents were both teachers. My mum worked a bit when we were very small (evening class and some supply work) and then worked most of the time whilst I was at primary school. She then worked full-time when I was at secondary. Obviously, being teachers, they were home during the holidays.

I don't remember thinking anything about it really. It was just the way things were.

My mum went back to work when I was six weeks old. I think on the odd occasion she used to take me with her and just stash my carrycot in the corner of her classroom. She stayed part time until I was a teenager, but we always understood that her job was important. I used to resent it at the time, when I realised that my friends' mums just sat at home baking cakes, when we were told "if you want pudding there's yogurt or fruit". Now, I hugely appreciate that it's her influence that means I take for granted that I need to pay my own way in the world. I don't ever, ever remember being told that there was anything I shouldn't aspire to, or that was out of my reach. It horrifies me that there are women my age and younger who think it's ok to expect someone else to support them, or to base their self-esteem on someone else's job and salary. Those have always been alien concepts to me because of the example my mum set.

My mum worked full time, long hours at a science/ tech job that was very well paid.
As a young child, I would have loved to have her home even just part time. My best friend's mum worked with flexible hours and so she always came to events and school trips. I was very jealous. Both my parents were very un-involved with my schooling and I did no outside activities until I was old enough to get myself there and organise it all.

I longed for my mum's attention, but a typical day would be me coming home to an empty house after school at 2:30 (outside UK) and then spending the next 4 hours alone, mostly watching tv, but sometimes playing out if other kids were out. My mum would get home about 6:30 and often we would have something quick to eat like a sandwich or cereal and then go out again somewhere like the gym where my DB and I would stay in the creche. My stepdad owned a company and wouldn't get home until 9pm because of business dinner and the like, and he would usually go straight to bed.

Our house was a beautiful, big house but I always remember it being unkempt. Bin overflowing, dishes piled in the sink until you had to wash up to eat, bathrooms never cleaned. My mum would argue that she worked all day and earned as much as my stepdad so why should she come home and clean when he didn't? I don't know why they didn't get a cleaner??

As a teenager though, I was proud of my mum for doing an interesting job with a lot of kudos. I think I would have been embarrassed at that point if she was a SAHM. I enjoyed telling everyone what my mum did.

I'm a well- educated Sahm of 8 years. My mum was very and at my choice. She said to me 'what was the point of X years of education if you're not going to work?'. I think as the years have gone by, her views have softened though.

My mum was a sahm. She was a fantastic parent, and I loved being at home with her when I was small, but in my teenage years, I really wished that she would go out and get a job. She was very depressed and unfulfilled at home, and had lost the confidence to go back to work. I felt guilty because she had given up her career for us. It was pretty miserable. She is much better now, but I know that she feels she wasted her talents and she has lots of regrets. She always encouraged DSis and me to pursue our own careers.

I didn't make the connection at the time, but we were always short of cash too - my dad worked really hard to support the family, but I know they were often worried about money, so I guess it was a lot of pressure on him being the sole earner.

I do remember there was only one family in our street where the mother worked. We all felt sorry for the daughter because she'd leave the house while we were all still in bed with her mum and come back long after we got home. It seemed like such a long day and not much of a family life and that probably influenced my attitude to working when I had my own kids.

My mum was a primary school teacher. She worked just one year before having me (at 24), then my sister 2 years later. She then had glandular fever. So she was a SAHM, but there were times when I walked myself to school (in London) because she was too poorly and didn't have a car. She went back to work supply teaching when I was about 9. On those days, my sister and I used to come home for lunch, make it and eat it, and go back to school without an adult being there at all. I used to quite like it, felt very grown up!

My dad was a secondary school teacher, used to also teach evening classes twice a week, did private coaching, and referreed sports on a Saturday. Presumably we needed the cash, as he gradually cut down where possible.

I have always worked full time, went back after each DC. DH too. We both have flexibility in working hours, so we share school drop offs (mostly me), collecting DC3 from after school club (mostly DH; DC1&2 come home themselves) and if one of us is abroad on business, the other skives off a little bit to do both and works from home in the evening.

I honestly don't think there is a right and wrong. Do I wish I was with the DC from school end at 3pm when they were still all KS1 or 2? At the time I thought so. But honestly, they don't really think about when they all went to after school club, and if they do mention it, it's in relation to friends that were there, never in relation to mum/dad not being able to take them home. And I'm glad I've maintained a career (I work in a sector that is very hard to get back into if you take a break).

My mum was a SAHM and I loved having her pick me up from school and preparing meals for me, playing with me etc. I am now also a SAHM as I have very fond memories.

My mum was a SAHM, she was always cleaning and seeking praise from my dad about what she had done! Looking back I know she was affirming her role. In school holidays I had to clean the house too, we could never go out until the "jobs" were done. I work 4 days, DH does the same and out house can get messy but I feel I spend far more time with DD than my mum did with me. She still thinks it's shocking that I can take DD out for the day when my house needs cleaning!

My mum stayed at home and looked after us, I loved having her around and I remember feeling sorry for the children whose mums worked.

I currently am a SAHM, although I'll go back to work one day a week when dd starts school in September. Our household runs much more smoothly and generally everyone is happier when I don't work. But, I think when all the children are at secondary school I'll regret not keeping up with my job.

My mum worked. I had a combination of nice nannies and nursery.

I don't remember ever feeling like I was missing out on time with mum. I had nice day care, and had good times with my mum at weekends and the evenings.

Mum was probably a happier person for not having to give up her career a second time.

When I was too old for nannies we did a mixture of mum picking me up from school 2 days after the after school club, dad did one day, my gran did one and I went to a friends on one day.

School holidays were a mix of parental holiday, sports clubs, pgl holidays, stay with my aunt for a week, and a little bit of going to work with mum sometimes. I was quite content to sit and read for hours so quite easy to look after really.

She did take early retirement when I was about 10 which 'luckily' coincided with a time I became quite ill. I'm not sure what it would have been like if she had been in full time work while I was in hospital and recovering at home.

She then went back to work part time so while I was early secondary and I do remember it was nice having her at home when I got in usually but I'm sure it would have been fine without.

Honestly I can't remember ever feeling like work got in the way of family life. I knew she loved me, and I basically for the best of both worlds. A happy mum in the evenings and a good nanny/nursery during the day.

Mine was a sahm for the best part of my childhood and she set the bar high. V creative, cooked beautiful meals, kept a very tidy / clean house and had time to do lots with us. I hated it when she took on a p/t job when I was prob early high school. She didn't like it and quit. However she's now in her 50s and is having a second wind with a really satisfying career and Im so proud to see her other skills come into play. I'm extremely grateful for her example and currently also sahm.

I would say, there's a big age gap between me and my sister. My mum had five up a promising career in education when my sister was young because of circumstances with my dad and moving so he could get an education and go to uni as a mature student. Mum looked after my sister who was a difficult baby in very, very poor circumstances. She never quite got over the feeling of being forced into that.

She is a great mun, but she's not a great one for 'playing' with you. Stories, yes. Setting you up with a craft activity, yes. But actually playing not really. Being a SAHM for a second time would have not been good for her.

It wasn't on my radar as a child TBH. My mum worked part time when I was a baby, leaving me with Grandparents. Then when we moved away from them, she was a sahm for quite a few years before returning to work, first part time to fit in with school hours then later part time when I was at secondary school. She had a professional job.

I accepted it as normal whatever she did, I think. Perhaps I wouldn't have liked it if I'd gone to childcare at any point. But we didn't have a good relationship by the time I was a teenager and have an even worse one now.

I am a sahm. I never thought I would be when I first had children but I can't imagine going back to work until they are teenagers at least. We're not rich, either, it's just a choice we've made. I do wonder about the example of feminism etc but hope that's counterbalanced by the fact that they know I prefer being with them to doing anything else.

I think the message that is coming across from the posts is that if it works, it's ok.
Lots of people with working mums. Lots with SAHM. No obvious link overall between your mum's choice and your choice, but some lovely examples of a strong influence.

And a few who would have liked it to be different. That's a tough one :(

My mum worked. Whatever job she could.
They were young parents when we were little kids.
My dad was part time at college, with a bit of work.
I remember going in to work with my mum, she ran an entertainment thing for a bit.
I got to sit with some of her friends and play bingo. My sister was younger, so she had to stay in the office.
School holidays were mostly spent with grandparents, as they were teachers.
We had caravan holidays.
I know we weren't rich, but I don't think we struggled. We always had warm food and a warm bed!

Kampeki my experience was the same. I loved having my mum at home and I was lucky because she was (and is) a fantastic mother, despite it not coming naturally to her. That was until my teenage years where a lot of resentment about her overbearing ways (I'm an only child) and our family's general lack of income didn't make for a pleasant time. She had a child 'too young' in her words, and as such never had a career despite having huge intelligence, motivation and potential.

She doesn't regret having me but definitely regrets the timing. She would be extremely disappointed in me if I chose to do the same as her.

My mum worked and then became a SAHM when my oldest brother was 6 months old.
I loved it. I have very clear memories of her always there for me and my brothers when we needed her most. I remember her at the school gate, volunteering in outings, bringing my homework to school when I forgot it, looking after us when we were ill...
During the weekends she made pancakes, arts and crafts and she and my dad played with us. We had lots of fun with her and we felt loved.
She taught me many important values during those years and I still remember our long conversations about life and choices. She told me that young children needed their mums and that work could wait. We didn't have much money but we had her and I remember feeling lucky.
She went to the University while we went to school and got a Masters degree.
She told me that women could have it all, but not at the same time and I thank her for that.
When I was 12 she went back to work and I remember missing her when I got back from school but at that point I understood her reasons for doing that and what it meant for her.
When I was in my early 20's she created her own company and became very successful. I felt proud.
Now she is retired and does the same fun things she did with us with her grandchildren.
I'm glad that she was always there when I was little and the fact that she worked later too. I think she is a great example of what women can achieve at different stages in their lives.

My DM was a WOHM, single parent so she had no choice. I hated it, she was never around and I had a succession of charmless childcare. She probably would have hated being a SAHM to be fair.

I'm a SAHM and I love it, I love being there for my kids in the way my mother never was. I'm lucky though, we can afford it and I have no resentment. I work a few hours a week in school hours and it works brilliantly for us.

if you can't bear the thought of being a SAHM then don't do it, but just make sure you get some amazing childcare!