To want husband to sound a bit more chuffed by my surprise weekend plans for his 40th birthday?

[ilovelamp2]

Spent last few months sorting out a nice night on the town for just the two us, restaurant, comedy gig, taxis, baby sitter. Followed by an over night stay for us and our 4 year old in a lovely hotel in Leeds , train tickets, canal boat rides, restaurants booked, lovely family room so we're not all sharing. Have also arranged for whole of his family (from other end of the country!) and best friends to meet us at his favourite restaurant for early dinner on Sunday - he doesn't know about this bit yet but wondering why I bothered.

I sent him an email today with a link to what looked like some boring holiday insurance for our hols in August but really it was an online invitation/itinerary type thing for his 40th birthday celebratory weekend. His response? "Sounds good :). See you tonight." Phoned him on mobile and he didn't even ask any questions or make any comments about it - just repeated 'yeah, sounds good.'

Am I being unreasonable to be cross that he sounds a bit non-plussed? Feel like crying, I am so disappointed. I just wanted him to be excited about it all and now I'm half worried that he won't enjoy it and half furious that he isn't more bloody grateful!!

Bake off - I am not saying that at all. He gas not said thank you even once. He has not smiled even once. Thank you to Bitout, Midnight, Tiz, Cunty and Cain who have clearly read the whole thread and know that I am only disappointed/upset and yes a little cross that he has not shown any enthusiasm whatsoever or even acknowledgement that it was a nice thing to do, albeit not quite what he was planning.

It is like another world on here sometimes. I totally understand that we can all read situations in different ways and that's the whole point of asking 'Am I being unreasonable?' But how can it be unreasonable to be sad that my husband is being grumpy when I have tried to do something nice? Are we supposed to just put up with that?

Based on your last post OP I would be cancelling now tbh, cutting off nose to spite face or not.

Wow, really surprised by the reactions on this thread! You sound like a lovely person who's gone to a lot of effort to do something thoughtful.

Bake off - please tell me how I should have reacted to his grump? I tried ignoring it and carrying on with our evening, I tried asking him out right what he would prefer to do and then tried to change the plans, I tried jollying him along. I am not reacting to him now as I am at work and he is at home.

Well maybe bakeoff but that's pure speculation on your part isn't it? Bit like your first reply to me - pure speculation based on nothing the OP has actually said.

Personally I find it very strange that so many people are excusing such piss poor behaviour from this man. He sounds like a grumpy sulky man child to me and that is not normally tolerated on MN - or so I thought

Gosh. I think you sound absolutely lovely & v thoughtful. I hope he eventually comes to that conclusion himself and gives you a big, grateful, genuine smile at some point!

Yes we do all read situations differently, depending on our own experiences. I still haven't got over the surprise 21st party that my parents gave me.
They know I hate surprises, they knew none of my friends could attend as we were all doing finals, yet they still thought I should be thrilled they'd planned something anyway.

So I can empathise with your DH and feel you need to accept its not what he wants to do on HIS birthday, stop feeling upset about his reaction, have a chat with him and get on and both try to enjoy the weekend.

He sounds like he's being a really bad sport. So he wanted to go to Edinburgh and go tot he races? Then why didn't he say so? And can't he do that another weekend? OP has arranged a lovely weekend which she thought he would like. She's married to him - she should know what he likes. But he's being sulky, ungrateful and childish.

If he wanted a child-free weekend for his 40th then he should have said that - anyway, he's having a boys weekend away, isn't he?

OP, I hope he has cheered up by the time you get home and that you have a lovely weekend and he doesn't spoil it. You sound like a lovely, thoughtful person and v generous!

bakeoff You haven't just misread the situation, you have totally projected your own experience onto it and made stuff up to fit that.

But hey ho, let's excuse this badly behaved grumpy idiot and let him take the shine off it for the OP and their DC because he can't behave like a decent human being

Nowhere has the OP said that she expects a brass fucking band and undying gratitude. Just a smile and thanks. Not a lot to ask a grown man is it?

If his mood improves, I'm hoping that we can at least have a nice night tonight. It would be so lovely if we could just laugh it off - the stand up comedy might help! I won't be able to get a refund for the train and hotel now anyway so will play it by ear ...

Thanks again to those people who get what I wa trying to do and don't think I sound controlling, needy or hard work. Glad you're on this thread as some of the other comments have been quite upsetting to be honest. Hey ho - I should know about AIBU by now!

Here's hoping we ALL have a lovely weekend.????????????????????

And ilovelamp I will reiterate my offer to go with you if he doesn't cheer the fuck up. I love weekends away. And pizza. I'm all give I am.

Well I'd wouldn't have started a thread about this until you'd actually seen your DH, you emailed him the surprise while he was at work, phoned him while he was shopping, so you made judgments about his reaction before you been had a fave to face chat with him.

You were obviously upset "I feel like crying" before you'd even seen him. You said after parents evening "he seemed a little more interested but only just"

bit off course that's speculation, I said "maybe" in my post.

That wasn't meant to be a list of question marks! Trying to lighten the mood with corny birthday emoticons but clearly they don't work on i pad!

Good plan Bit! Consider yourself on standby!

OP, you sound lovely! He IS being an arse. Ignore the haterz.

Anyway, I do hope you have a nice weekend OP, I'm sure if you can both cheer up a bit and stop being upset with each other you will have a great time.

I'm assuming the poised position lamp

Everythin g you've said has been speculation baked - one "maybe" doesn't cover all that! But hey, let's agree to disagree and have some of the OP's ungrateful DH's birthday cake

Ooh OP I think you've done a lovely thing, am so sorry it has backfired but love the idea of substituting him for DM, I would seriously keep that as back up

Well I'd wouldn't have started a thread about this until you'd actually seen your DH, you emailed him the surprise while he was at work, phoned him while he was shopping, so you made judgments about his reaction before you been had a fave to face chat with him.

People often post a question on here before they have a face to face conversation about something, it can help to get some outside perspective before hand so they don't make things worse.
I'm guessing but OP probably knows her husband better than you do so was quite able to interpret his under-reaction from an email and phone call.

Bakeoff, I'll take that back. I was still typing when you posted your last.

Op, how bizarre you have been given a hard time for planning a surprise weekend for your DH. You sound lovely and have put a lot of thought in to the weekend; including family, friends and your DD. Your DH sounds like a spoilt brat. Hope he comes to his senses and realises what a thoughtful wife he has and enjoys his special weekend.

Had signed off the thread really but just wanted to update - we have an email! A nice, chatty, happy, grateful, excited email with a thank you and interested questions about hotel etc. I can make this work now. I can go home after work and be bright and breezy and not worried/resentful/tense.

So glad I haven't had to make the first move. I can totally see how he may have been dissapointed but at least now he is open to the idea of something different to what he expected. That's all I wanted. Previous posters are right.

And before any one says it's weird to do that via email, it really isn't weird for us!

Enjoy!

no offence but it has crossed my mind once or twice over the years that people who arrange "surprise" stuff for others are and then expect them to be really grateful for it, are just a teeny bit controlling.

Oh that's great OP!

Maybe he grumped into work and said something to a colleague and they told him to stop being such an ungrateful grump.

Either way, have a smashing time