To want husband to sound a bit more chuffed by my surprise weekend plans for his 40th birthday?

[ilovelamp2]

Spent last few months sorting out a nice night on the town for just the two us, restaurant, comedy gig, taxis, baby sitter. Followed by an over night stay for us and our 4 year old in a lovely hotel in Leeds , train tickets, canal boat rides, restaurants booked, lovely family room so we're not all sharing. Have also arranged for whole of his family (from other end of the country!) and best friends to meet us at his favourite restaurant for early dinner on Sunday - he doesn't know about this bit yet but wondering why I bothered.

I sent him an email today with a link to what looked like some boring holiday insurance for our hols in August but really it was an online invitation/itinerary type thing for his 40th birthday celebratory weekend. His response? "Sounds good :). See you tonight." Phoned him on mobile and he didn't even ask any questions or make any comments about it - just repeated 'yeah, sounds good.'

Am I being unreasonable to be cross that he sounds a bit non-plussed? Feel like crying, I am so disappointed. I just wanted him to be excited about it all and now I'm half worried that he won't enjoy it and half furious that he isn't more bloody grateful!!

[TurnOverTheTv]

Maybe it's the night away he's bothered about? I wouldn't be keen on going to Leeds with a toddler for my 40th either! What are you going to do all night once she's in bed?

[wannabestressfree]

I am sorry but what a horribly ungrateful twat. Please don't change things he is acting like a petulant child.

[Aeroflotgirl]

I don't blame op at all though, she planned a wonderful weekend with what she thought he might like, and paid for and everything, it is good manners and polite to show some appreciation and enthusiasm, not act like she booked a wet weekend in Skeggie.

[Aeroflotgirl]

Wish I could afford such lovely surprises. Sounds very childish. If he wanted to do certain things, he should have made it known earlier.

[GoofyIsACow]

I wholeheartedly agree with wannabe... Miserable twat

[ilovelamp2]

I won't quiet - never again!

Turnover - we have done this before. Not a stealth boast but DD is do easy going. She stays up until late anyway on weekend nights and then has a lie in. The plan was just Pizza Express/Zizzis at 7 then order a movie in the room, bought sweets, popcorn and wine. She is in a separate room so when she goes to sleep at about 10 we can still enjoy the wine/chat/etc. Have done it before and was lovely. Was also thinking that it would be cheaper to have the grown up time in our home city where we know where's good and then just enjoy free sightseeing and laid back pizza when away.

I guess it doesn't really matter now what I thought he would like.

Have checked for the races but weather atrocious so likely to be called off. Have offered to ring parents to ask for an extra night of babysitting so we can go alone but he says not to.

[TurnOverTheTv]

Sorry, I just realised that sounded awfully bitchy, I didn't mean it to!

[FringedLampshade]

I'm sorry, lamp. I have a distinct urge to reach through the Internet and give him a quick smack around the chops to improve his attitude. I was giving him the benefit if the doubt all through the thread, but it's hard to avoid the fact that he sounds unappreciative and thoughtless, and seems happy to play the martyr and make the weekend difficult.

Was there any specific reason he thought you were going to Edinburgh and the races, or were you just supposed to divine that from his unspoken wishes?

[CatsCantTwerk]

I think my dp would be rather put out if I had booked a hotel for his 40th but was also taking our 4 year old (not that we have one).

Could it be that? Would he have preferred a birthday night alone with you?

[CatsCantTwerk]

x post sorry.

[HeisenbergSaysHello]

Sounds like a good weekend!

However i do have to say, DP springs surprises on me like this every once in a while, and although i love it and im so grateful and happy im just not an enthusiastic person! Or actually, i am enthusiastic i just struggle to show enthusiasm.

Maybe he does too? Or is he usually more enthusiastic than this about other stuff?

[ilovelamp2]

Quiet - I would do love to do that!

And fringed - right now, I wish someone could!

[revealall]

Sounds like you have picked and organised the sort of stuff you want to do TBH.
He was quite capable of organising his own boys weekend. Perhaps he enjoys sorting his own stuff out?

I dislike it when people over organise my free time in terms of days out etc. Nice idea but if he doesn't like it then you can't get all tense. It is supposed to be his 40th

[ilovelamp2]

Can people please stop saying that I have booked things that I like. Pizza, a park and a museum are pretty generic things to do in a city. Hardly a niche interest there. Reveal - how can you possibly know what I like? If you must know, if I was booking things for me it would have included an art gallery and a musical - not DH's cup of tea at all. As for the rest of the weekend , I have booked two if his favourite restaurants and tickets for a comedy gig which he loves - I quite like it too - heaven forbid I enjoy myself- but it is definitely more his thing. I'd much rather have a night in the local and a pub tea but it's not not my birthday so I didn't book that.

Thank you though for all of the advice and kind words. And also for the reality check - surprises are not always great!

[Donthate]

I went to a surprise 40th birthday. The birthday girls face when she walked in was like thunder. She was expecting to be whisked away on holiday. She had a good night eventually but she looked so disappointed. Don't dona surprise unless it's something big I think.

[OrangeVase]

Hope that you both have a nice weekend eventually - and it becomes a story to tell the kids.

You sound lovely, really lovely. It just misfired in this case.

[ActiviaYoghurt]

A trip to the moon with Gerard Butler might have me happy for 40th. Not much else. Maybe he didn't want a fuss?

[ilovelamp2]

Thanks orange. Hopefully we will be laughing about it over mojitos this time tomorrow night!

[CatMilkMan]

I can't believe the selfish bastard doesn't feel the way you want him to feel.

[ilovelamp2]

Is there any need for that Catmilk? If you had read the whole thread you would know that was not my intention at all. Orange is right - despite my best efforts, my plan has back fired. I've made an error of judgement and DH has been a bit overly grumpy about it. Sure we will be fine. None of that constitutes me demanding that he feels the way I want him to feel. Honestly, people would not be so cutting and unpleasant in real life. Hope you feel better for typing that.

[Lambbone]

You can take away the sorting out without making it a surprise.

I think that discussing with your partner what they'd like to do, and then making it happen for them would be a better present.

Then they'd have the joy of anticipation, and none of the hassle.

DH and I are off tomorrow to go somewhere I've wanted to go for years. And even though I really want to go there, I'd be really upset if I didn't know I was going. I've done loads of reading up about the place and I'm properly prepared. If I'd been tossed in with no notice, I wouldn't be ready to bask in the joy of bing there.

OP, your being a martyr is really going to take the shine off this birthday if you don't catch hold of yourself.

[Alibabsandthe40Musketeers]

I expect a lot of it has to do with this kind of thinking.

'Oh god now I'm 40 I can't even have a piss up with my friends (as per 30th surprise bash), I have to go to a hotel - where I live! - and have dinner with my child and my whole family before going canal boating.'

I can see that you've put massive effort in, but perhaps he hasn't got his head around the idea of what birthdays are like once you're a parent?

I hate surprises, DH loves organising them. I have already warned him that whatever we do for my 40th, it has to be joint planning and decision making. He decided what he wanted to do for his 40th birthday, and I'm dammed if he gets to decide what to do for mine too - and me be expected to be super grateful and excited even if it isn't what I would have chosen for myself.

Why did he think you were going to the races? Had he mentioned it? You mentioned it?