To want husband to sound a bit more chuffed by my surprise weekend plans for his 40th birthday?

[ilovelamp2]

Spent last few months sorting out a nice night on the town for just the two us, restaurant, comedy gig, taxis, baby sitter. Followed by an over night stay for us and our 4 year old in a lovely hotel in Leeds , train tickets, canal boat rides, restaurants booked, lovely family room so we're not all sharing. Have also arranged for whole of his family (from other end of the country!) and best friends to meet us at his favourite restaurant for early dinner on Sunday - he doesn't know about this bit yet but wondering why I bothered.

I sent him an email today with a link to what looked like some boring holiday insurance for our hols in August but really it was an online invitation/itinerary type thing for his 40th birthday celebratory weekend. His response? "Sounds good :). See you tonight." Phoned him on mobile and he didn't even ask any questions or make any comments about it - just repeated 'yeah, sounds good.'

Am I being unreasonable to be cross that he sounds a bit non-plussed? Feel like crying, I am so disappointed. I just wanted him to be excited about it all and now I'm half worried that he won't enjoy it and half furious that he isn't more bloody grateful!!

[BitOutOfPractice]

Lovely update! And good for your dh for recognising he was being a little churlish

[springalong]

glad you all had a good time.

[WingsofNylon]

Ugh, must remember to check that I've read the last page.

[WingsofNylon]

Is he perhaps just struggling with turning 40?

[CainInThePunting]

Lovely! Glad it all worked out. Ooh I love a happy ending.

[CatMilkMan]

Aww I'm really glad you all had a great time, I hope you never forget the memories you are very lucky. Hope you all sleep well.

[ilovelamp2]

Quick update! Just stopped celebrating a fab weekend! We're all absolutely shattered but had such a fantastic time. DH apologised for being a 'dick' before we went out on Friday (his words not mine!) date night was fab and the city break with DD was so lovely. Gorgeous weather helped too! Still not surprising him again though- totally agree that it would have been better to get some ideas from him first. I am however, very pleased (and relieved!) that it went so well in the end.

Hope you all enjoyed your weekends. Boo hiss to Monday tomorrow!

[2rebecca]

If I was going to get my husband a weekend away (although I wouldn't really be getting him it as all money is joint I'd just be arranging it) then I would ask him what he fancied doing. If he'd been asked it sounds as though he'd have said go to the races and Edinburgh. The trouble with surprises is that too often it's not what you'd like but what the giver thinks you'd like. I think women are more into surprise parties than men.
Hope it goes well, but I'd give him the choice of what he does on future birthdays.

[Whatthefucknameisntalreadytake]

I've been the recipient and the giver of suprise weekends away. I think it's a really lovely thing to do and absolutely the etiquette is that even if it's not what you ideally wanted you should be grateful and try to get in the mood to enjoy it, because it is a nice thing that someone's done for you and you may as well try to make it fun!

[Shapebandit]

Aw that's brilliant. Hope you both really enjoy the weekend.
I don't understand the people who are saying that if you arrange a surprise for someone's birthday then you are controlling. Surely most birthday gifts are surprises? If you handed your husband a really lovely gift that you'd put lots of thought into and he was grumpy about it and said he had hoped for something else (without mentioning his hopes at all) then we would all be saying how rude he is. Surely the same applies even if the gift is a weekend away?

[RuddyHellItsSoftCell]

Have a great weekend. I wonder if he read this thread?

[ShaynePunim]

Hope you all have a great weekend, OP. :)

[Dowser]

Glad it looks like its going to work out.

Hope you never have anything like that happening again ;-)

[ilovelamp2]

Thank you!

[midnightvelvet01]

Hahahahaa to his work colleagues who have just told him what a grumpy swine he's being.

Glad you're feeling better OP, & have the most wonderful weekend :)

[BitOutOfPractice]

Oh that's great OP!

Maybe he grumped into work and said something to a colleague and they told him to stop being such an ungrateful grump.

Either way, have a smashing time

[SunnyBaudelaire]

no offence but it has crossed my mind once or twice over the years that people who arrange "surprise" stuff for others are and then expect them to be really grateful for it, are just a teeny bit controlling.

[pilates]

Enjoy!

[ilovelamp2]

Had signed off the thread really but just wanted to update - we have an email! A nice, chatty, happy, grateful, excited email with a thank you and interested questions about hotel etc. I can make this work now. I can go home after work and be bright and breezy and not worried/resentful/tense.

So glad I haven't had to make the first move. I can totally see how he may have been dissapointed but at least now he is open to the idea of something different to what he expected. That's all I wanted. Previous posters are right.

And before any one says it's weird to do that via email, it really isn't weird for us!

[pilates]

Op, how bizarre you have been given a hard time for planning a surprise weekend for your DH. You sound lovely and have put a lot of thought in to the weekend; including family, friends and your DD. Your DH sounds like a spoilt brat. Hope he comes to his senses and realises what a thoughtful wife he has and enjoys his special weekend.

[CainInThePunting]

Bakeoff, I'll take that back. I was still typing when you posted your last.

[CainInThePunting]

Well I'd wouldn't have started a thread about this until you'd actually seen your DH, you emailed him the surprise while he was at work, phoned him while he was shopping, so you made judgments about his reaction before you been had a fave to face chat with him.

People often post a question on here before they have a face to face conversation about something, it can help to get some outside perspective before hand so they don't make things worse.
I'm guessing but OP probably knows her husband better than you do so was quite able to interpret his under-reaction from an email and phone call.

[thatsshallot]

Ooh OP I think you've done a lovely thing, am so sorry it has backfired but love the idea of substituting him for DM, I would seriously keep that as back up

[BitOutOfPractice]

I'm assuming the poised position lamp

Everythin g you've said has been speculation baked - one "maybe" doesn't cover all that! But hey, let's agree to disagree and have some of the OP's ungrateful DH's birthday cake

[Bakeoffcake]

Anyway, I do hope you have a nice weekend OP, I'm sure if you can both cheer up a bit and stop being upset with each other you will have a great time.