To want husband to sound a bit more chuffed by my surprise weekend plans for his 40th birthday?

[ilovelamp2]

Spent last few months sorting out a nice night on the town for just the two us, restaurant, comedy gig, taxis, baby sitter. Followed by an over night stay for us and our 4 year old in a lovely hotel in Leeds , train tickets, canal boat rides, restaurants booked, lovely family room so we're not all sharing. Have also arranged for whole of his family (from other end of the country!) and best friends to meet us at his favourite restaurant for early dinner on Sunday - he doesn't know about this bit yet but wondering why I bothered.

I sent him an email today with a link to what looked like some boring holiday insurance for our hols in August but really it was an online invitation/itinerary type thing for his 40th birthday celebratory weekend. His response? "Sounds good :). See you tonight." Phoned him on mobile and he didn't even ask any questions or make any comments about it - just repeated 'yeah, sounds good.'

Am I being unreasonable to be cross that he sounds a bit non-plussed? Feel like crying, I am so disappointed. I just wanted him to be excited about it all and now I'm half worried that he won't enjoy it and half furious that he isn't more bloody grateful!!

[ilovelamp2]

Good plan softy. I can have wine by then too!

[midnightvelvet01]

I'd love someone to plan a whole weekend for me, nobody ever has but it would be a very romantic & thoughtful gift & one I would be excited about.

[Dowser]

Maybe he really wanted to go to Vegas instead.

That's said tongue in cheek OP. I'd be gutted too!

[ilovelamp2]

Thank you midnight - what's your plans for the weekend? ;)

[googoodolly]

I think it's tough 'cause one persons idea of an amazing weekend isn't necessarily the other person. DP's ideal weekend would probably consist of sci-fi movies, video games, beer and pizza, whereas I would rather go out and do something - a weekend away, a theme park, the zoo, whatever.

Do you think you planned the weekend around your interests as opposed to his, maybe? Clutching at straws a bit, I know!

[UglyBugaz]

I would be happy if it was me and somebody booked those things but as others have said maybe he had other ideas or just wanted a quiet one. You won't know until he comes home and you ask

[HipsterBeard]

Is there something more going on here?

Or is this an instance of how women too often feel the need to over-perform gratitude in response to a partner's gift/holiday, simply because effort and thought was involved, whether or not they like what was given or planned - and men don't feel equivalent pressure to be ecstatic regardless?

I'm just wondering whether, if the situations were reversed, and the OP came on saying 'Christ, DH booked me this jam-packed surprise birthday weekend, and he's gone to so much effort, and clearly thinks he's covered all bases and is giving me a massive treat, but the mere idea of it is exhausting, work is desperate the moment, and I'd rather lie in bed and read for a weekend - and now DH has the hump because I don't sound pleased enough!' - whether the majority of responses would call her spoiled and ungrateful...?

[Dowser]

Mrs Javy..I hope he woohoos a bit more when he gets home.

Otherwise he might get acquainted with the frying pan.

( just seen SPY and loved that scene with the frying pan. Quite fancied having a go myself!)

Did he want a big party?

[midnightvelvet01]

Currently ilove my weekend consists of cleaning up DS2's vomit (with my eyes closed & praying that cat doesn't run through it) with the school's summer fete if he feels better.

All excitement, me

[FreudiansSlipper]

If I am put on the spot to show excitement or amusement I struggle to it feels false

It's like when someone says to you i have a really funny joke I might show that I am amused but will not collapse in fits of giggles or I have great news I may give a gentle yay but I do not woop with excitement even if I feel it

Maybe he is the same and in your disappointment have forgotten this

[ShatnersBassoon]

Is Leeds somewhere he's expressed an interest in visiting?

[CakeLady1]

Does he work in a place where anyone getting 'personal' calls during the day gets shot down/eye daggers/shirty colleagues? Given today's date, is he rushing with end of month deadlines too?
Don't be too upset just yet

[wannaBe]

Imo people usually like the idea of a surprise more than the surprise itself, because although the idea behind the surprise is usually well meant, people ime like to know where they're at and when iyswim.

Last year I tried to arrange a surprise weekend away for my dp's birthday. He has a very good friend in another part of the country who he hasn't been able to see much over the years for various reasons. They had expressed a wish to see us at some point so I thought that I would arrange for us to go there for his birthday. So I contacted the friend in question and pitched the idea to him. And then he didn't get back to me... for ages.... And I was sat here brooding over the fact that I was trying to arrange this surprise and that maybe the friend didn't want to see us, and I felt as if I was being totally secretive and I hated it. And I was thinking what if the friend said no then there would always be this untold conversation between us.... totally irational I know but ... eventually it ended up with me in floods of tears because I felt as if I was keeping things from dp, so I told him of my plans.... And then the friend got back in touch about an hour later. by which time it wasn't a surprise any more.

[ilovelamp2]

Maybe dolly. Although they're just normal family things to do in a city - if e weather keeps up, we might end up in the cinema - i don't really mind!

Vegas would be great! If he cheers himself up I've got ten years to save up for his fiftieth!

[ilovelamp2]

Thanks for all of your replies. Don't mean to ignore you all but in a meeting in a minute so will read all later! Hope things have improved by then...

[Jackie0]

I would hate this.
I'd hate having no input and hate the "surprise' element of it.
Thinking of my friends and family I honestly don't know anyone that would like that sprung on them

[ShaynePunim]

YABU.

Did you plan this for him, or for your own gratification because you were looking forward to his woohoos and thank-yous?

You're now talking about frying pans etc if he's not suitably grateful.

If you're not careful YOU are going to ruin the whole thing.

[ilovelamp2]

I think that's it bit harsh Shayne. I didn't book it for that reason at all. I am trying to do something nice for the man I love. WHat I was looking forward to was spending time with family and having fun together. I have mentioned neither woohoos or frying pans. Those are tongue in cheek comments from other posters.

[ilovelamp2]

It's one night Cactus. Hardl taking control of his life!

[hackmum]

Ha, Shayne's response is classic Mumsnet - the exhortation that the OP should demonstrate saintly behaviour in the face of provocation. I seriously doubt whether these people are that saintly in their own lives, they just probably get a kick out of lording it over other people.

YANBU, OP, but the truth is not everyone likes surprise presents. Maybe he was hoping you'd planned something different. It's a risk you take.

[haveabreakhaveakitkat]

Take no notice of the miseries, op. It's a lovely thing to do.

[Mrsjayy]

Yeah it is a lovely thing to do he will have a nice weekend mrjayy organised a thing for me organised dd1 to be home for dd2 i knew nothing my response was Oh ok

[Aeroflotgirl]

Sounds exactly like the reaction of my dh. We suspect he might have Aspergers. Dd has ASD. His reaction woukd be the same, but inside he would absolutely love it. He can sound very short at work, as it's an open plan office, so doesent want his colleagues to hear.

[cashewnutty]

That is exactly the response my DH would give if he had been given something like that when working. He never really shows massive excitement about anything but if i know i have booked something he has liked he will be very chuffed - it just won't show.

Your DH might be more excited and willing to chat about it when he gets home - but don't get your hopes up!