Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

School Trip / Homesick - not allowed to stay second night

156 replies

facedontfit · 25/06/2015 10:02

First AIBU don't be harsh am feeling a bit delicate

Daughter (Year 6) is on a school 2 night residential trip. Last night I had a phone call from headteacher at 1.05 am saying daughter couldn't sleep and could I come and collect her, spoke to her on the phone and she was tearful. Collected her and she was fine spoke excitedly about the day and was looking forward to the following day and staying the following night. Said she had been feeling homesick.

Took her back at 7.45 this morning and was told she could do todays activities but could not stay tonight. I was to collect her this evening Daughter devastated, burst into tears. I tried to put my case that she wanted to stay, she was being punished for being homesick and marginalised. Daughter said she won't get homesick and is desperate to stay. HT said she had made her decision. She stayed two nights last year with no problems. In school letter about trip it says you will be asked to collect if homesick but does not say you will then not be allowed to stay 2nd night. She has had a difficult time at this school over the last year and am worried that this experience isn't helping her.

HT says she doesn't want another night like last night. A number of children were still up at midnight (including daughter) having toast and biscuits. Isn't this all part of the school trip? Feel this has ruined the trip for her. Have left her there in tears.

AIBU to think that she should stay the second night? What can I do?

OP posts:
Hulababy · 25/06/2015 18:25

Maybe you need to ask school for further clarification then. Based on what you have told us, there was no issue until after midnight, but were called at 1am to collect - so in less than an hour, your child went from perfectly fine to needing to go home. That seems a very short period of time.

And if lights out was 10:30am, why on earth were 8 children having toast with a teacher at midnight?

And as said before - in my experience, a phone call at 1am asking a parent to collect a homesick child is a very rare occurrence and would normally be a very last resort. It seems strange to have been such an issue is less than an hour.

Hulababy · 25/06/2015 18:26

Exactly Nanny0gg so for a teacher to have to resort to calling a parent, the child must have been really distressed, as calling home would always be a last resort.

hesterton · 25/06/2015 18:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

chippednailvarnish · 25/06/2015 18:37

Clearly OP you don't think YABU so what was the point of posting?

This.

TendonQueen · 25/06/2015 18:51

I agree with Hulababy - it's very odd that things were fine and dandy at midnight but at 1am she needed collecting. Did you say you spoke to her as part of the teacher's call, OP, and she was distressed then? Did she ask you to come and get her? I'd have been cross if when I arrived she was perfectly chirpy. I don't think I would have taken her back even for daytime activities.

HagOtheNorth · 25/06/2015 18:59

'Exactly Nanny0gg so for a teacher to have to resort to calling a parent, the child must have been really distressed, as calling home would always be a last resort.'

Although, it can depend on the parent as well.
Perhaps the midnight snack was intended to calm and soothe any children who had shown signs of having a wobble.
But if you know a child has a highly-sensitive parent who kicks off at a very low level, who may accuse the teachers of ignoring trauma and emotional abuse if a child is denied the chance to leave at will, then the staff may well err on the side of caution and call ASAP if the child is distressed.
Then why risk having the same thing happen again the next night?
Surely better for the child to be at home and secure and not face the ordeal again. And wake staff again and have to be sent home again.
You don't get paid extra on a residential, and your DD can try again with guides or D of E or a long sleepover with friends.

Spog · 25/06/2015 19:03

YABVU.

oh and i almost forgot. teachers have the life of reilly, are always wrong and are always the enemy.

aren't they??

Mehitabel6 · 25/06/2015 19:07

It also depends on the teacher. I expect I was much better aged 43yrs with 3 children of my own than I was aged 23yrs when single with no children.
We can't all be wise - we need to get experience to become wise.

Supervet · 25/06/2015 19:52

I would not have sent mine back the following night btw and I couldn't have trailers by train to take her the second day for activities.

My dd has for a variety of reasons been a complete nightmare while abroad with school. (not helped by last minute changes when she has Sen) luckily she slept at night and took it out on me via text rather than school.

MayPolist · 25/06/2015 19:59

In my experience teary homesickness can spread like wildfire.Also I think you need to have a bit of consideration for then staff.it is very hard and responsible work supervising a large number of kids who are not your own.The distraction and time spent with an abnormally distressed, sleepless child will really undermine order and could potentially put others at risk.

MythicalKings · 25/06/2015 20:09

YABVU. The staff weren't prepared to risk it happening again, quite rightly.

kickassangel · 25/06/2015 20:28

As the OP says it was the HT who made the decision, we're hardly talking about an inexperienced teacher, are we? Also, OP only has the DD's version of events, and a brief chat with the HT. IF the DD bursts into tears as soon as she's upset (like being told she can't stay the second night) then that is very hard to deal with and disturbs the other children. Other children didn't get to sleep, were kept awake and went to get the teacher, so having that happen two nights in a row is a bad idea.

It's not really anyone's fault if the DD gets teary easily, that's just the way that some 11 year olds are, but that doesn't mean that staying overnight is the best thing for her, or others.

grannytomine · 25/06/2015 22:26

What would have happened if the trip had been further away? Mine went to Holland when they were year 6, 7 nights. Would I have been expected to fly out at a moments notice?

Klayden · 25/06/2015 22:57

Sorry but I also agree YABU. I think the school were kind enough letting her return for the daytime activities.

CamelHump · 25/06/2015 23:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

arethereanyleftatall · 25/06/2015 23:24

If my dd had pulled such a stunt, I would have been profusely apologetic to the teacher who stayed up with her. No way would I have let her enjoy the activities the next day, and you must think the works revolves around her if you genuinely believe that she should have been allowed to stay the next night.
Either genuine homesickness, in which case stay at home.
Or, playing up for attention, in which case stay at home.
Yabvvvvvvvvvu.

ReallyTired · 25/06/2015 23:45

I am fully expecting to be flamed.

A teacher had at least 30 other child to think of.

I think is perfectly fair that the op daughter can not stay a second night. It must have been absolute hell for a teacher to have sat up half the night with a sobbing child. It was only two nights. Remember he/ she would have to get up and look after the rest of the children in the morning. If there was an accident because either the kids or teacher was desperately tired then the school would be in trouble.

Bawling your eyes out at eleven years old and keeping the dormitory awake half the night is not acceptable. The OP daughter should be old enough to manage her own emotions without acting like a baby. An eleven year is old enough to have the maturity not disturb someone's sleep without good reason. It is good that the school has shown her that selfish actions have consequences.

Yes, I have experienced homesickness. I was six years old at the time and recovering from an emergency operation.

bakedappleflavour · 26/06/2015 00:10

YABU OP. I think the school have behaved nicely in letting your DD back for the other activities.

I sympathise with her though because I was always a homesick child - hated sleepovers. On my first night at uni I wanted my mum!

Nanny0gg · 26/06/2015 08:16

Exactly Nanny0gg so for a teacher to have to resort to calling a parent, the child must have been really distressed, as calling home would always be a last resort.

Or more likely, they were close enough to be able to call. If they were 200 miles away it wouldn't have been possible.

Malenky · 26/06/2015 11:51

When I was 17 my sixth form biology class went on a residential trip for a few nights. One girl (who had already turned 18) spent the first and second evenings crying in the toilets because she was so homesick and couldn't deal with being without her parents. I couldn't help but think of her when I read this story, your DD needs to be shown that behaviour like that won't be tolerated especially as she gets older and IMO she should have either been told to pull herself together or sent home which is exactly what the teachers did.

grannytomine · 26/06/2015 12:01

My DD went to India on a project when she was at uni. It was fairly primitive, very limited choice of food, veg curry for every meal for two months including breakfast, no hot water, no internet, sporadic electricity! She was 19 and the others were all post grads.

She was sharing the journey and a room with a 23 year old post grad who was quite patronising when they met at Heathrow. This very well travelled, sophisticated young woman found she wasn't quite such a good traveller if she wasn't in a good hotel. She cried every night for a week and then flew home. They all went out on a staggered basis so this left my daughter alone for three weeks between first group going home and last group arriving. She was a bit daunted.

She had a ball, made such strong friendships with some local people, was taken out and about when not working. She dealt with cockroaches, snakes and all sorts.

Being the one who was homesick in year 5 didn't seem to hold her back. Don't worry too much OP, she will get over it.

MayPolist · 28/06/2015 14:33

When I was 17 my sixth form biology class went on a residential trip for a few nights. One girl (who had already turned 18) spent the first and second evenings crying in the toilets because she was so homesick and couldn't deal with being without her parents

poor girl Sad people can't help being homesick.it is a very real thing.

mygrandchildrenrock · 28/06/2015 15:10

people can't help being homesick.it is a very real thing

As somone who has never been homesick, or had DC who were, what exactly is it? I assumed it was extreme anxiety caused by being away from parents/home etc. Is it more than that?

MayPolist · 28/06/2015 15:17

It is like an all consuming grief.

NinkyNonkers · 28/06/2015 15:19

I remember all too well feeling horribly homesick, I fel physically sick, a gripping sadness and ache like a bereavement...just horrible. People can't help it, all this talk of 'teaching them it won't be tolerated' is awful!

That said, I think the teachers did the right thing.

Swipe left for the next trending thread