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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be upset and annoyed at how this very large man ruined our trip to the theatre?

549 replies

QueenBean · 23/06/2015 12:16

It was my birthday a few weeks ago and my boyfriend bought me really good tickets to a show I've been wanting to see. The show is interactive and so he picked seats at the end of the row, about 3 rows from the stage. He booked these about 4 months ago to ensure they were good seats and paid £80 per ticket (I know this because it was printed on the ticket).

When we arrived, there was a morbidly obese man sitting in the seat next to mine. Except he was also taking up part of my seat, arm right over the armrest etc. I was then wedged in my seat, squeezed up to my boyfriend for the whole show. I asked the box office if they had any spare seats but they only had them in row T, far back from our seats and the next price bracket down. They also had some in a box but we wouldn't have been able to join in with the show. They said they wouldn't be able to refund and offer tickets for another day.

I felt really sorry for this man, he was clearly uncomfortable in his chair and kept moving to sort of move away from my seat. I didn't make it in any way obvious that I was uncomfortable or anything.

But I am pretty annoyed about it, and was upset last night about having our lovely trip to the theatre impacted so much by someone else. We booked our seats so far in advance to get suitable ones - why couldn't this man have booked a more suitable seat for himself? The boxes were the same price seats and had free seating (ie, they aren't fixed to the floor so can be moved), I am not sure why he couldn't have booked one of those when one was still free last night.

I am going to get flamed for not being more understanding, but what was meant to be an expensive birthday treat was greatly impacted by this man and I think he could have considered his size more when booking his own seat.

Aibu to feel annoyed at this?

OP posts:
elderflowerlemonade · 23/06/2015 19:28

My friend made no excuses, she always seemed perfectly happy with her weight and size. Although I don't think it was very healthy, I did rather admire her confidence.

Floggingmolly · 23/06/2015 19:30

Do we really want to live in a society where someone due to their size should have to consider the comfort of others first and put themselves and their feelings second?
If "considering the comfort of others" involves not encroaching on your neighbour's seat because your own can't quite contain you; then yes, actually Confused
Where your size impacts on those around you, it's up to you to make the necessary adjustments, not the other people to make allowances for you.
Why would it be otherwise?

TedAndLola · 23/06/2015 19:31

yes ted someone with 'hyperinsulism' that rare disorder. There are some medical reasons and medication I agree, but mainly there's lots of over eating and plenty of excuses.

How rare do you think it is? Because it's suspected that it's a whole lot more common than diagnosis numbers suggest.

Those "excuses" are mostly grounded in something like hyperinsulinism. How many women in the UK are on hormonal contraception, a common side effect of which is weight gain? They won't be included in the 2% that people like you think have a "valid" excuse to be overweight. Nor will most of those with mobility problems, the couple of million undiagnosed diabetics, and countless others. Nobody decides to eat chocolate cake until they're morbidly obese, there are other factors there that mean it's as much their choice as it is a heroin addict's choice to take the drug.

liquoricetwirl · 23/06/2015 19:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

maddening · 23/06/2015 19:33

Funny how anorexics are afforded every sympathy but someone with potentially a similar yet opposite disorder in eating (or indeed another medical/physiological reason) is not.

Imo just overweight when there no other medical factor could be due to being lazy - morbidly obese to the point it is life impairing and no medical factor is as much an eating disorder as anorexia but the hatred compared to the sympathy experienced by anorexics is v different.

You don't know what led to this person reaching this weight so Yabu to be so horrible (and I have no doubt that you made him feel equally uncomfortable- am sure he was aware of your complaining to the staff and I doubt you didn't discuss it with your bf while right next to him.)

Floggingmolly · 23/06/2015 19:35

i don't think fat people should be shamed and ridiculed, TedandLola, of course I don't. But I don't think forming national associations to promote the normalisation of obesity is the way to go either.

AmberNectarine · 23/06/2015 19:39

Yes maddening, as a former anorexic I can say that no-one ever told me to just shut up moaning and eat a sandwich.

I feel sorry for this poor guy. A. Because he obviously felt embarrassed enough about it at the time and B. Because there is now a thoroughly unpleasant thread about it on the internet, where people who've never even met the poor bastard are judging him.

QueenBean · 23/06/2015 19:39

maddening

and I have no doubt that you made him feel equally uncomfortable- am sure he was aware of your complaining to the staff

Absolutely not. I went to the toilet and asked at the box office if they had any seats I could switch with. I would never just make a fuss directly in front of a person like that, how hurtful for him.

OP posts:
BarbarianMum · 23/06/2015 19:41

Maddening I think if someone with anorexia, alcoholism, bipolar, OCD, spina bifada etc etc had sat in the OP's seat with her, nobody would be blaming her for being annoyed. What's funny is that the OP should be OK with it because the guy was obese.

I don't agree with fat shaming (from personal experience I can confirm that it's crap). I just don't want to be sat on or crushed.

condominoes · 23/06/2015 19:42

liquorice - you're wrong. About lots, but I'm referring now to whether obesity itself can be a disability

liquoricetwirl · 23/06/2015 19:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

QueenBean · 23/06/2015 19:44

Someone with anorexia wouldn't impact my seat so I wouldn't have any judgement on them at all....

OP posts:
TedAndLola · 23/06/2015 19:45

Floggingmolly but it IS becoming normal. What is your suggestion? Ignore it until it goes away? Continue to make sure that fatties know they are ugly and unacceptable?

CarrotVan · 23/06/2015 19:46

Surely tolerance and empathy go both ways. If you know that for whatever reason you will negatively impact other people whilst undertaking a non-essential activity then you have some responsibility to try to mitigate that impact (choosing aisle seat, non-fixed seating, speaking to the venue/airline about options - might be nothing you can do but you should try) and the person sitting next to you has the responsibility not to be an arse about it.

liquoricetwirl · 23/06/2015 19:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TedAndLola · 23/06/2015 19:48

Am I condom about 'lots'? for example??

For example, about hyperinsulinism being a rare disorder. Studies consistently show 30-50% of overweight adults have it, though hardly any have been diagnosed or have any idea what it means.

formidable · 23/06/2015 19:49

I don't think it makes any difference whether he is fat because he eats too much or fat because of a medical issue.

The fact is, having to sit next to a fat person for an hour is not, in the grand scheme of things, that fucking bad.

If you are the kind of bubble wrapped princess whose whole evening gets ruined because of someone else's weight then I suggest next year you stay in and watch a dvd.

It's fucking pathetic.

liquoricetwirl · 23/06/2015 19:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Floggingmolly · 23/06/2015 19:50

Obesity may well be becoming more widespread, Ted, but that's no reason to embrace the concept with open arms. It's hugely unhealthy, and shouldn't be normalised at all.

SoleSource · 23/06/2015 19:51

The only way to get a at person to lose weight is by making them feel good about themselves.

Would you call an anorexic person insulting names etc?

SoupDragon · 23/06/2015 19:51

The fact is, having to sit next to a fat person for an hour is not, in the grand scheme of things, that fucking bad.

Are you really unable to see the difference between sitting next to someone and having to share your own seat with them?

QueenBean · 23/06/2015 19:51

formidable

You don't need to be so rude. I don't have any issue sitting next to a fat person. I have issue with not being able to sit in my seat, that was very expensive, because of their size.

OP posts:
AmberNectarine · 23/06/2015 19:51

It's unpleasant because of all the assumptions about him - I.e. He's lazy, he should diet, he's inconsiderate, he shouldn't even go to the theatre in the first place. None of us know his circumstances.

I just don't really even understand the point of the thread anyway, OP is clearly very confident she's not unreasonable!

I just feel sympathy for the poor guy. He probably felt as uncomfortable as the OP but walked away feeling a lot shittier about himself.

TedAndLola · 23/06/2015 19:52

Would you like to explain what the emoticon is supposed to signify, liquorice?

floggingmolly so what should we do?

QueenBean · 23/06/2015 19:52

Would you call an anorexic person insulting names etc?

Would you please let us know who has called this man "insulting names" and what they were?

OP posts:
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