To be upset and annoyed at how this very large man ruined our trip to the theatre?

[QueenBean]

It was my birthday a few weeks ago and my boyfriend bought me really good tickets to a show I've been wanting to see. The show is interactive and so he picked seats at the end of the row, about 3 rows from the stage. He booked these about 4 months ago to ensure they were good seats and paid £80 per ticket (I know this because it was printed on the ticket).

When we arrived, there was a morbidly obese man sitting in the seat next to mine. Except he was also taking up part of my seat, arm right over the armrest etc. I was then wedged in my seat, squeezed up to my boyfriend for the whole show. I asked the box office if they had any spare seats but they only had them in row T, far back from our seats and the next price bracket down. They also had some in a box but we wouldn't have been able to join in with the show. They said they wouldn't be able to refund and offer tickets for another day.

I felt really sorry for this man, he was clearly uncomfortable in his chair and kept moving to sort of move away from my seat. I didn't make it in any way obvious that I was uncomfortable or anything.

But I am pretty annoyed about it, and was upset last night about having our lovely trip to the theatre impacted so much by someone else. We booked our seats so far in advance to get suitable ones - why couldn't this man have booked a more suitable seat for himself? The boxes were the same price seats and had free seating (ie, they aren't fixed to the floor so can be moved), I am not sure why he couldn't have booked one of those when one was still free last night.

I am going to get flamed for not being more understanding, but what was meant to be an expensive birthday treat was greatly impacted by this man and I think he could have considered his size more when booking his own seat.

Aibu to feel annoyed at this?

I was sitting behind fat family at the panto in wolvs at christmas. The dad was gigantic he couldn't sit back in his seat and had I not been sat in the very back row of the stalls and able to sit on my seat while it was folded I'd have been completely unable to see the stage! Smallest DS sat on his dad's lap to see over one of the huge teenagers and dd managed to peer round the other ones head while perched on her booster.

I felt sorry for them as they looked uncomfortable but they should have sat in the back row. If you allow yourself to get so big you are inconvienencing other people you need to be a bit considerate! Christ only knows what they were feeding the kids. They were huge. Super morbidly obese.

Do you not think it's strange that in situations where large numbers of people are subjected to starvation due to external factors (such as famines, imprisonment or shipwreck) every single one of them ends up very very thin?

The argument is not that people won't lose weight if they reduce their calorie intake (although there are some conditions where this would be the case) but that reducing one's calorie intake, or increasing one's exercise, is not easy. In the long-term, as shown by many studies, it's so hard that only a few percent of people manage it.

It's just like saying to a heroin addict "it's simple, just stop taking heroin". Yeah, in theory, simple. But unless you're really dense you know that in reality it's incredibly hard.

I'd rather sit beside that man than beside some of the mean spirited arseholes on this thread tbh.

Bloody hell, Fake. That link...

The National Association to Advance Fat Acceptance Why in the name of all that's holy would anyone campaign for such a thing??

I was born disabled i always try to get an outside or a seat next to the end usually so i dont tread or fall on people when i limp out to the toilet or where ever just because a person has physical issues like obesity does not give them the right to encroach on space

Oh me too Fanjo

he National Association to Advance Fat Acceptance Why in the name of all that's holy would anyone campaign for such a thing??

Because shame and ridicule is not the best way to help somebody, or treat any human being regardless of their shape?

I would have felt exactly the same as you OP, how annoying. Yes, he should have thought of that before booking as it's very inconsiderate.

The National Association to Advance Fat Acceptance Why in the name of all that's holy would anyone campaign for such a thing??

Because some of the comments on this thread are abhorrent?

some people seem to feel entitled to live life without any interference from disability or illness. All I can really say is that the vast majority of people suffering disability or illness did not choose it. They did nothing to deserve it. That is real genuine unfairness.

I agree with you that people suffering illness and disability do not deserve it. But why are you assuming this man was ill? Why are you assuming that if he was disabled i would have felt the same way?

Honestly, if he was disabled in any way I would have felt differently because that isn't a choice. But I don't believe that being obese isn't a choice, at least to some degree. Many posters are stating that obesity is an illness and making excuses for it and in about 2% of cases it is, but for most it's not.

I just do not believe that if you were in my situation you'd think to yourself "yep, I'm absolutely fine with this!". You wouldn't.

ted you cannot liken over eating to heroin. No way is it comparable. We all eat. We all know what its like to crave more chocolatre cake, yet most know when to stop.

Yes, it is. We have a very strong drive to eat - because without food, we die. Heroin addicts have a very strong drive to take heroin. Everyone knows when to stop but not everybody can without constant cravings. Someone with hyperinsulinism will feel a constant need to eat and won't be at all satisfied once they've had their daily quota of calories. It's just the same as saying "well it's really easy for me not to take heroin, why is it so hard for those addicts?"

With heroin you can go cold turkey.

You can't with food.

How hard would it be to give up too much heroin if you could still have a bit? Just a bit, three times a day. You might start having a bit more. And then a bit more

Well I 100% guarantee that tall people do not universally choose seats at the back or behind a pillar. I have had countless theatre and cinema trips ruined by tall people, I have yet to have a single trip ruined by a fat person. So whilst I agree it was probably annoying I can't get excited about it. And when I've paid £80 for a ticket and can't see properly because of the tall person in front of me, I just suck it up. You can always get some enjoyment from a theatre production (assuming it's good) even if it's not entirely comfortable or the view is a bit obscured.

Obesity can be a disability.

23% of the UK adult population is obese. So a quarter of us then? They predict this to rise to a third by 2020.

So I guess there are lots of people who might spoil your view at the theatre/ make your flight uncomfortable, if that's your complaint/concern.

Op - what % of dangerously underweight, or anotexic, people have an illness?

I have worked as cabin crew for over 20 years and have really noticed the increasing number of really big people boarding our planes in the past 10 years. When I first started work it was very rare for us having to get the seat belt extensions in fact I cannot remember if we even carried them. These days I often have several passengers needing an extension on my flight and sometimes families where all family member needs one. We also receive lots of complaints and are expected to sort it out.

I think it's a worrying trend that it's becoming almost normal not to fit into an airline seat or public transport seats. Not sure the seats are that small, I think we are getting bigger.

To be honest OP I would and have.

I've sat next to big people, people who smell bad, people who have loud children, on buses, planes, theatres, cinemas and it's just inconsequential to me - honestly, it's just part of the rich tapestry of life I think.

Of course there are times where it's a pain, where given the choice I'd rather sit behind someone short (am 5'3!) or small build or not stinking of BO but it's just One Of Those Things.

One of my best friends weighed 27 stone. It did cause inconvenience but well, it did. And she couldn't really drop 15 stone overnight!

whatthefuck that may be the case for you, and for some selfish tall person. But the tall person I was with is not selfish and is very aware of his height and not impacting someone else's experience.

yanbu (although I would try and just remember the show now and not dwell on this).

I've been morbildy obease and always booked ailse seats or stood if I was spilling onto someone else. Even fat you are aware of the space you are using and weather it is space you or someone else has paid for.

You can't always book aisle seats, though.

And you don't always know how big the seats are going to be. At the cinema I went to last month, you would have to be REALLY obese to spill out one of their seats. At the theatre I went to earlier in the year, we were all crammed in like sardines and the skinniest person didn't have much room to move.