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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be upset and annoyed at how this very large man ruined our trip to the theatre?

549 replies

QueenBean · 23/06/2015 12:16

It was my birthday a few weeks ago and my boyfriend bought me really good tickets to a show I've been wanting to see. The show is interactive and so he picked seats at the end of the row, about 3 rows from the stage. He booked these about 4 months ago to ensure they were good seats and paid £80 per ticket (I know this because it was printed on the ticket).

When we arrived, there was a morbidly obese man sitting in the seat next to mine. Except he was also taking up part of my seat, arm right over the armrest etc. I was then wedged in my seat, squeezed up to my boyfriend for the whole show. I asked the box office if they had any spare seats but they only had them in row T, far back from our seats and the next price bracket down. They also had some in a box but we wouldn't have been able to join in with the show. They said they wouldn't be able to refund and offer tickets for another day.

I felt really sorry for this man, he was clearly uncomfortable in his chair and kept moving to sort of move away from my seat. I didn't make it in any way obvious that I was uncomfortable or anything.

But I am pretty annoyed about it, and was upset last night about having our lovely trip to the theatre impacted so much by someone else. We booked our seats so far in advance to get suitable ones - why couldn't this man have booked a more suitable seat for himself? The boxes were the same price seats and had free seating (ie, they aren't fixed to the floor so can be moved), I am not sure why he couldn't have booked one of those when one was still free last night.

I am going to get flamed for not being more understanding, but what was meant to be an expensive birthday treat was greatly impacted by this man and I think he could have considered his size more when booking his own seat.

Aibu to feel annoyed at this?

OP posts:
Floggingmolly · 23/06/2015 19:53

Up to 50% of overweight people have a rare (hardly!) and undiagnosed (how do we know, in that case??) disorder?
Total balls.

formidable · 23/06/2015 19:53

Ok, fine

having to sit uncomfortably for an hour is not that fucking bad

It isn't. You need to get over it.

condominoes · 23/06/2015 19:54

Well yes we could argue the facts or figures or we could just say what formidable said - get over in, princess!

What was the show anyway? That psychic sally person? Can't recall seeing any shows where there's audience participation. Well there's derren brown but you don't choose to take part in that really

ilovesooty · 23/06/2015 19:54

I can't get over the OP saying he should lose weight or stay at home.

AmberNectarine · 23/06/2015 19:54

I honestly don't really mind sitting next to larger folk, I'm pretty small so usually have some seat spare anyway. Far worse are talkers or armrest warriors.

TedAndLola · 23/06/2015 19:54

floggingmolly - that's my point, it's not rare. The person arguing that only 2% of obese people have a medical reason for obesity said it was rare.

The studies looked at how many people had hyperinsulinism. Most of them had no idea - had not been diagnosed.

condominoes · 23/06/2015 19:54

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Petridish · 23/06/2015 19:54

I have to say that I sympathise with you.

Why do people allow themselves to get so obese?

Yes, I expect I will be flamed but I would not like to be at the theatre and have my personal space to be invaded by someone so fat that they are making other people feel short of space.

fascicle · 23/06/2015 19:55

QueenBean
fascicle I don't have any issue with the theatre - they didn't have any other appropriately seats available. No complaint with the theatre at all.

So going back to this comment...

I think he could have considered his size more when booking his own seat.

...how do you know what he did and didn't do and ask, prior to booking his seat (if indeed he booked his own seat)? From your description in the OP, he was considerate in the sense of trying to move away from your seat. You said he was clearly uncomfortable - so do you really think this was a situation he would knowingly choose to be in?

Honestly, if he was disabled in any way I would have felt differently because that isn't a choice.

You don't know the reason for the man's size, but you are blaming him for it.

I love the comments/attitudes of these posters:

elderflowerlemonade
I've sat next to big people, people who smell bad, people who have loud children, on buses, planes, theatres, cinemas and it's just inconsequential to me - honestly, it's just part of the rich tapestry of life I think.

Whatthefuck
So whilst I agree it was probably annoying I can't get excited about it... You can always get some enjoyment from a theatre production (assuming it's good) even if it's not entirely comfortable or the view is a bit obscured.

AmberNectarine · 23/06/2015 19:55

ilovesooty exactly. Maybe he could give himself 40 lashes while he runs on the treadmill (at home, of course).

elderflowerlemonade · 23/06/2015 19:57

My friend wasn't arsed petrid!

formidable · 23/06/2015 19:59

Drawing a line between obesity and disability is just utterly stupid I in this case.

You have no idea why he was the size he was, and whether he had a disability.

You have no idea why and how any random stranger is disabled either. What if they were drink driving and were in a crash? What if they took drugs and triggered a mental illness? What if what if what if?

If you're going to draw all sorts of bitchy conclusions from a person's appearance, don't just fucking stop at their weight! Let's go the whole hog and judge on appearance, disability.... the works.

MrsMook · 23/06/2015 19:59

On a theme park ride with a bench seat last year, I ended up with someone very obese overlapping my arm across my shoulder. With me being small framed, he naturally slid over me. It was only 5 minutes, but not a nice experience at all. It's very different to my regular issue of taller people in front. I may get uncomfortable shuffling to see something past them, but I can move, and at least they're not physically in my space.

mileend2bermondsey · 23/06/2015 20:00

Only on MN would people describe having a morbidly obese person squash you for hours at a cost of 80 quid 'part of the rich tapestry of life' fuck me.

SoupDragon · 23/06/2015 20:01

having to sit uncomfortably for an hour is not that fucking bad

So, you'd be happy with someone sitting on your lap then?

chaiselounger · 23/06/2015 20:01

Reminds self not to go to theatre or anywhere else actually.
Most people piss me off. Anyone invading my space making me sit uncomfortably - be it someone large or someone skinny, anyone who is an armrest hogger, Dom joly loud phone users, people with wingey children, anyone irritating basically.

AmberNectarine · 23/06/2015 20:01

I was obese myself for a short while - after I came out of ED recovery my metabolism was fucked and I stacked it on. I ended up with a bmi of about 30. But I didn't diet because I didn't trust myself to do it sensibly and not go spiralling back into starving myself. Better to be fat than almost dead at that point of my life. When I felt confident that I could rein it in without restricting, I did and I'm a healthy weight (lower end admittedly but old habits die hard). Maybe while I was so heavy people were judging me without having a clue.

chaiselounger · 23/06/2015 20:02

I am Mrs intolerant.
Dh calls me Mrs angry from purley.

GoodbyeToAllOfThat · 23/06/2015 20:04

having to sit uncomfortably for an hour is not that fucking bad

I'm not certain there's any point going somewhere for fun if you're going to be uncomfortable.

chaiselounger · 23/06/2015 20:04

I moved at the cinema the other day because I was sat behind someone extremely tall and couldn't see a thing. Anti-tallest , anti-tallest. Wink

formidable · 23/06/2015 20:05

Who says you need to be happy all the time?

You can be uncomfortable, mildly disappointed, feel sorry for the poor fat guy next to you, go home and thank your lucky stars you have a partner who takes you nice places for your birthday.

I'd rather do that than let someone ruin my night and have a good old whinge about it on MN, making myself look an arsehole in the process.

TheCatsMother99 · 23/06/2015 20:06

YABU.

You sat awkwardly for an hour or so of your life, the guy has to sit awkwardly again and again due to his size & probably has to endure snarky comments or looks over and over again. I feel sad for the guy, whether he's bigger due to his health or not he doesn't deserve to be described as a pest.

LegoComplex · 23/06/2015 20:06

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QueenBean · 23/06/2015 20:06

Today 19:54 condominoes

The op sounds like a dick

I sound like a dick?! For paying a lot of money to go somewhere for fun and being squished in?! You'd really really be ok with the same situation happening to you? I just don't believe you would!

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 23/06/2015 20:07

chaiselounge, do you see your inability to tolerate others as amusing or something to be proud of?

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