To be upset and annoyed at how this very large man ruined our trip to the theatre?

[QueenBean]

It was my birthday a few weeks ago and my boyfriend bought me really good tickets to a show I've been wanting to see. The show is interactive and so he picked seats at the end of the row, about 3 rows from the stage. He booked these about 4 months ago to ensure they were good seats and paid £80 per ticket (I know this because it was printed on the ticket).

When we arrived, there was a morbidly obese man sitting in the seat next to mine. Except he was also taking up part of my seat, arm right over the armrest etc. I was then wedged in my seat, squeezed up to my boyfriend for the whole show. I asked the box office if they had any spare seats but they only had them in row T, far back from our seats and the next price bracket down. They also had some in a box but we wouldn't have been able to join in with the show. They said they wouldn't be able to refund and offer tickets for another day.

I felt really sorry for this man, he was clearly uncomfortable in his chair and kept moving to sort of move away from my seat. I didn't make it in any way obvious that I was uncomfortable or anything.

But I am pretty annoyed about it, and was upset last night about having our lovely trip to the theatre impacted so much by someone else. We booked our seats so far in advance to get suitable ones - why couldn't this man have booked a more suitable seat for himself? The boxes were the same price seats and had free seating (ie, they aren't fixed to the floor so can be moved), I am not sure why he couldn't have booked one of those when one was still free last night.

I am going to get flamed for not being more understanding, but what was meant to be an expensive birthday treat was greatly impacted by this man and I think he could have considered his size more when booking his own seat.

Aibu to feel annoyed at this?

I think he could have considered his size more when booking his own seat.

OP, you don't know what the man may or may not have considered/asked before the ticket was booked, or whether he even made the booking himself.

Given that the theatre provided you with two options, what more could you reasonably expect them to do?

fascicle I don't have any issue with the theatre - they didn't have any other appropriately seats available. No complaint with the theatre at all.

fatstacks oh yes, I meant to include flying as an optional leisure activity conventionally undertaken in silence (!)

For what it's worth, I felt for the lady I sat next to recently on a flight who was too large for either of us to put our tray tables down. I was also grateful that the flight was only 4 hours long. Inward irritation and compassion are not mutually exclusive.

There is a difference between slightly encroaching and filling . What I said to the man who was filling half of my seat last time I flew was "Excuse me, you seem to be sitting in my seat." I didn't say it to shame him, it was embarrassing for both of us. But I'm also obese (due to excess eating and lack of exercise ) and I need a whole plane seat, not half of one.

Perhaps I should have just silently slunk back down the steps?

Our local theatre has a few oversize seats. By strange coincidence their chief exec needs one!

"I don't really agree that I should pay more for it since I fit into my allocated space perfectly fine. its a tough one"

It is indeed, and I'm not sure what the answer is. I don't want to fat shame anyone, but then again I don't really want to pay extra for seating that I personally don't need. If however I got to be dictator, I would redesign our living and working spaces, and our towns, so that we move more and eat less.

A PP mentioned that airlines somewhat unfairly charge people of average weight for extra baggage. On one occasion when my hand luggage was a bit over the limit the steward looked at me, shrugged, and handed my bag back without me having to pay extra. Sometimes they can be a bit flexible!

Op by your logic your tall DP is selfish because he didn't choose a seat at the back of the theatre. He didn't care that being so tall he was blocking other peoples view, he didn't care that the people behind him paid £80 for their tickets, or that they may have even been there as a birthday treat. He just went and booked himself tickets in the third row when he knows that he's taller than average and will interfere with other people's enjoyment of the show. So selfish!

Sorry that you aren't able to lose weight but it's not fair to say that just because of your issue, others should just take the consequences.

but if someone is not responsible for their disability or weight or whatever then how fair is it that they have to suffer day in day out with it?

You are concerned with the tiny inconsequential unfairness of having one evening disturbed by obesity when they (through no fault of their own) are suffering the unfairness of it every single day until their untimely death.

Can you see how that makes you rather selfish and entitled OP?

Threads like this are always the same, so many people coming on saying that it's just unfortunate and you just need to be a bit more considerate, should obese people never fly/go to the cinema/whatever so as not to make anybody else uncomfortable.

Do many of you also think this poor woman news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/wales/2346319.stm should have just sucked it up as one of those things.

YANBU op it's not ok to spill into somebody else's seat.

You are concerned with the tiny inconsequential unfairness of having one evening disturbed by obesity when they (through no fault of their own) are suffering the unfairness of it every single day until their untimely death
How on earth do you know its through no fault of their own?? Because obviously everyone who is overweight or obese is so because they have some sort of medical ailment which causes it. Absolutely no one is fat because they are greedy!

I'd rather put up with someone spilling into my seat for an hour than have to live with being morbidly obese myself.

Some people have zero empathy. It's so depressing.

some people seem to feel entitled to live life without any interference from disability or illness. All I can really say is that the vast majority of people suffering disability or illness did not choose it. They did nothing to deserve it. That is real genuine unfairness.

And one day it may well be one of the people posting how terrible it is that they had one evening ruined by the disability or illness of another person whose lives are suddenly turned upside down by accident or illness and who suddenly realise what total tits they were to find disappointment in the wonderful lives they just had stripped from them....

mile I was responding to a response which was itself a response to someone who had actually provably become obese through no fault of their own.

On hearing this the OP basically said...so what. Your illness isn't my problem.

To which the answer is...aren't you fucking lucky then....oh are you still not satisfied?

ps. Im not overweight I just have the ability to realise that people who are have a more shit life than I do even if their weight causes me an issue once in a while.

Got pissed off with reading this thread. No wonder I fucking hate leaving the house. You know what, maybe someone kind bought him the ticket because it was his fucking birthday too?

An extreme situation from a newspaper report 13 years ago

The op was offered another seat she choose not to take it

While it can be briefly annoying (as many situations can in life) do we really want to live in a society where someone due to their size (for whatever reason) or maybe a hidden disability should have to consider the comfort of of others first and out themselves and their feels second

This idea makes me feel incredibly uncomfortable as though they should be apologetic for being an inconvenience for some

It's not hard to be compassionate even if your first reaction is not but some it's seems only want to be when it suits themselves

Oh god that poor guy. He must've been so embarrassed. Sorry you had a crap time but just bad luck altogether I think

Last few posters, do you think it's ok to take up half of somebody else's seat?

Should read
first and put themselves and their feelings second

Bloody auto correct

Whatthefuckname actually he has a real guilt complex about his height which means that we always have to stand at the back of gigs, he asks people behind him if they can see ok etc, and when we go to these kind of events he always checks that he won't be impinging on someone else's view or space

He booked an end seat that had a pillar behind it so it wouldn't impact anyone's view

but if someone is not responsible for their disability or weight or whatever then how fair is it that they have to suffer day in day out with it?

You are concerned with the tiny inconsequential unfairness of having one evening disturbed by obesity when they (through no fault of their own) are suffering the unfairness of it every single day until their untimely death.*

Can you see how that makes you rather selfish and entitled OP?

How do you know this person isn't to blame for their overweight state? How is it possibly "selfish" to pay £80 for a ticket and then expect to actually be able to sit in my seat properly?

Yes I think that at paying so much for a ticket I should be entitled to bloody enjoy the show.

"I'd rather put up with someone spilling into my seat for an hour than have to live with being morbidly obese myself."

False dichotomy. Those aren't being presented as choices.
Leaving aside the extreme example linked to above, someone encroaching on your space can cause more than temporary discomfort - it can mean needing treatment from a physio. And yes, I know that's not as bad as some of the medical conditions mentioned here but again, these things aren't presented as choices. One can both feel sympathetic towards someone who has medical problems that result in obesity, whilst also thinking that if you pay for a seat, you should be comfortable in that seat.

IMO the answer is to redesign seating so that different sizes of people are well catered for. How you might price that is a somewhat trickier issue.

For someone to take half of another persons seat they would have to have a very strange body

While I have had someone take up more space and some of my space never has it been half my seat/space

Yep uncomfortable but for myself (and I am a 2 stone overweight that is uncomfortable for me) it was for a short amount of time I got to get up and walk away from the uncomfortableness of the situation