To be upset and annoyed at how this very large man ruined our trip to the theatre?

[QueenBean]

It was my birthday a few weeks ago and my boyfriend bought me really good tickets to a show I've been wanting to see. The show is interactive and so he picked seats at the end of the row, about 3 rows from the stage. He booked these about 4 months ago to ensure they were good seats and paid £80 per ticket (I know this because it was printed on the ticket).

When we arrived, there was a morbidly obese man sitting in the seat next to mine. Except he was also taking up part of my seat, arm right over the armrest etc. I was then wedged in my seat, squeezed up to my boyfriend for the whole show. I asked the box office if they had any spare seats but they only had them in row T, far back from our seats and the next price bracket down. They also had some in a box but we wouldn't have been able to join in with the show. They said they wouldn't be able to refund and offer tickets for another day.

I felt really sorry for this man, he was clearly uncomfortable in his chair and kept moving to sort of move away from my seat. I didn't make it in any way obvious that I was uncomfortable or anything.

But I am pretty annoyed about it, and was upset last night about having our lovely trip to the theatre impacted so much by someone else. We booked our seats so far in advance to get suitable ones - why couldn't this man have booked a more suitable seat for himself? The boxes were the same price seats and had free seating (ie, they aren't fixed to the floor so can be moved), I am not sure why he couldn't have booked one of those when one was still free last night.

I am going to get flamed for not being more understanding, but what was meant to be an expensive birthday treat was greatly impacted by this man and I think he could have considered his size more when booking his own seat.

Aibu to feel annoyed at this?

I am not discussing human beings in those terms..sorry.

Yes, let's not talk about money.

So is there any way to have a serious conversation about the effects on society of increasing obesity? We need to stop fat shaming -- and references to "flab" are not neutral, it's disingenuous to claim that. But also, when people are being careful and considerate, but raising serious issues, they need to be able to do that without being accused of fat shaming.

I didn't say people couldn't raise these issues.

I said I wouldn't discuss these issues.

Alright Fanjo.

Oh no. .a biscuit.

It just encapsulates what is wrong with this country and indeed MN these days. We are money obsessed and see everyone in terms of monetary cost or value and have lost sight of actual people. Very sad.

Everyone will disagree with me as they believe this country is poor and struggling though, I imagine.

There have been a million threads on here about the cost to society of obesity.

I think they are quite crass and insensitive given that there are people of all sizes posting on MN so I choose not to engage but fill your boots.

If the fat man should have to pay for the seats either side of him, neither of which he's actually encroaching upon enough to stop them being functional seats for others, simply so that nobody has to endure the inconvenience of sitting next to him, should tall people also have to pay for the seat behind him in cases where their height means someone sat behind them would have to sit uncomfortably in order to see around the tall person's head?

Do many of you also think this poor woman news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/wales/2346319.stm should have just sucked it up as one of those things.

That poor woman!
The airlines really need to get their acts together.
Animals get given more space whilst being transported than humans do on these planes.

Don't know what happened to that link, here it is

news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/wales/2346319.stm

"If the fat man should have to pay for the seats either side of him, neither of which he's actually encroaching upon enough to stop them being functional seats for others, simply so that nobody has to endure the inconvenience of sitting next to him"

OK, that doesn't really make sense. Personally I don't think someone overweight should be buying three seats but even so your meaning is unclear. What counts as a "functional seat"? Do you mean something someone can just about jam themselves into, after all, it functions as a seat if they're in it. Or do you mean they are comfortable in that seat? There isn't actually any leeway between seats so either you are within your own space, or you are encroaching on someone else's. If it's inconvenient to sit next to him, isn't that because he's taking up some of their space? Otherwise why would they care?

Seats can be tiered in such a way that taller people can be seen over. However, where this isn't possible, it would be more considerate of taller people to sit further back. My brother is well over 6' tall and he's very aware of his height in these situations, he'll swap seats if need be and sit nearer the back where that's an option. (I'm 5'7 so not that tall but I do have a lot of hair, which I tie back in case I obscure someone's view).

In the case of someone obese or overweight I think it would be better to provide some bigger seats. There might need to be an extra charge for these, if space is at a premium.

I have worked as cabin crew for over 20 years and have really noticed the increasing number of really big people boarding our planes in the past 10 years. When I first started work it was very rare for us having to get the seat belt extensions in fact I cannot remember if we even carried them. These days I often have several passengers needing an extension on my flight and sometimes families where all family member needs one. We also receive lots of complaints and are expected to sort it out.

I think it's a worrying trend that it's becoming almost normal not to fit into an airline seat or public transport seats. Not sure the seats are that small, I think we are getting bigger.

This is from the horses' mouth, as it were.
And you can't tell me that all those passengers have medical problems. Maybe a small percentage.
We have become too greedy. End of.

We have become too greedy. End of.

I don't think we've become too greedy, I think we've always been greedy, I think it's just that we have much more opportunity to indulge that greed these days.

I don't think we have suddenly and randomly become more greedy. I think that sugar is more heavily promoted and readily available. I think cars have become comparatively cheaper so we drive more instead of walking, cycling or using public transport. We are also doing more sedentary jobs. We do need to change our environment and our attitude to exercise.

I cycle around 14 miles a day. I'm sick to the back teeth of people treating this as if it's some sort of epic adventure or marathon effort. It isn't. It's a normal way to get around. Humans have evolved to move around a lot. Yes, some are ill and infirm and cannot. But many of them have just developed a mind set in which they view what should be normal amounts of exercise as mission bloody impossible.

It's extremely selfish of tall people not to think of the people behind them.

My DH is tall and he always makes a point of scooting/slumping down in his seat a bit, so as not to impinge too much on the person behind's view.

A morbidly obese person can't really do anything to make themselves smaller (not their fault).
But I don't think you can compare the two.

Gab - OP wasn't jammed into the seat, she was just uncomfortable. The same could be said of someone sat behind someone particularly tall who'd had to strain their neck to see the performance.

Myeyes, I do compare the two because tall people have ruined my enjoyment of far more gigs and shows than fat people have.

I think we've become more greedy and we have become more lazy. What's with the obsession with stuffing yer face every time you sit down - cinema, watching TV, plane, tube, car. Our bodies can go hours without eating yet fattening snacks are gorged in copious quantities at every opportunity whenever we sit down. I have to add I have been a size 20 and I've been a size 8 so I know what it is like for my weight to go out of control. I don't have biscuits or crisps in the house, I don't buy chocolate on a regular basis, I know my weaknesses and it's just easier not to have my temptations available. For those not suffering with health issues causing obesity, people should just rethink their whole lifestyle, I know it's not easy, I've been there. I am a bit overweight now and I'm addressing it, it is a struggle.

My experience on a plane that I posted about upthread was absolutely horrific and whilst I didn't get off the flight with health issues, I was almost traumatised with the horrible experience of being wringing wet from someone else's sweat, even my hair was damp from him shifting around in his seat and spraying me with perspiration. And he never stopped eating from the time he sat down to the time the plane landed. Why would you do that when you just know you are causing the person next to you extreme discomfort by your weight? My body language said it all as I shrunk back in my seat as far away as I could. I honestly think you should have to put your weight down when you book a seat, surely it can't be right to cause someone such discomfort like the newspaper article with the woman with health issues or the horrific experience I went through.

I too have had my enjoyment of many performance diminished by a tall head in front of me, however that is nothing compared to the discomfort of being forced into the flesh of another human being every second of that performance.

Even if there are more tall people in front of me than obese people beside me, it is deeply violating to be forced to be intimately close with a stranger. It only has to happen once for it to leave a lingering bad taste. The thought of it makes me physically ill.

At least I have never been seriously sexually assaulted. I can imagine an experience like that to be triggering for a woman.

blueshoes,
I get you.
There's something distasteful about being forced to have your flesh pressed up close against the flesh of another person that isn't your partner, for hours at a time.

Way too intimate behavior between two strangers.

Over eating can be a mental health problem. It's called binge eating and can be as a result of trauma. Not all fat people are greedy, they are in pain and seeking comfort. It's a bit easy to judge them as greedy.

I think he's selfish. If he's that big then he would know that this would happen or could have enquired before booking as to whether the seating was fixed or tried to sit at the end of the row and lean out into the aisle.

I understand your frustration but there isn't much the theatre could do. I've seen on a plane the staff upgrade a lady sat next to a morbidly obese and unpleasantly smelling passenger, it's a tricky situation.

I'm sure the obese person doesn't love having to be pressed into you lot either. Especially not when you refer to them as disgusting and talk of cringing away from then then say they are rude for maybe not being too friendly after that.