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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset and annoyed at how this very large man ruined our trip to the theatre?

549 replies

QueenBean · 23/06/2015 12:16

It was my birthday a few weeks ago and my boyfriend bought me really good tickets to a show I've been wanting to see. The show is interactive and so he picked seats at the end of the row, about 3 rows from the stage. He booked these about 4 months ago to ensure they were good seats and paid £80 per ticket (I know this because it was printed on the ticket).

When we arrived, there was a morbidly obese man sitting in the seat next to mine. Except he was also taking up part of my seat, arm right over the armrest etc. I was then wedged in my seat, squeezed up to my boyfriend for the whole show. I asked the box office if they had any spare seats but they only had them in row T, far back from our seats and the next price bracket down. They also had some in a box but we wouldn't have been able to join in with the show. They said they wouldn't be able to refund and offer tickets for another day.

I felt really sorry for this man, he was clearly uncomfortable in his chair and kept moving to sort of move away from my seat. I didn't make it in any way obvious that I was uncomfortable or anything.

But I am pretty annoyed about it, and was upset last night about having our lovely trip to the theatre impacted so much by someone else. We booked our seats so far in advance to get suitable ones - why couldn't this man have booked a more suitable seat for himself? The boxes were the same price seats and had free seating (ie, they aren't fixed to the floor so can be moved), I am not sure why he couldn't have booked one of those when one was still free last night.

I am going to get flamed for not being more understanding, but what was meant to be an expensive birthday treat was greatly impacted by this man and I think he could have considered his size more when booking his own seat.

Aibu to feel annoyed at this?

OP posts:
elderflowerlemonade · 23/06/2015 22:51

Well we are all different. It wouldn't bother me so I don't think my comment was ridiculous, for me.

But you seem a little belligerent anyway.

TheBlessedCheesemaker · 23/06/2015 22:54

To quote the OP "fat people should lose the weight or not go to the theatre"

And "I don't believe that being morbidly obese isn't a choice"

And the thread title of course..

mileend2bermondsey · 23/06/2015 22:54

You wouldnt mind going to see a performance and having people screaming for whatever reason and an obese person using up half of your chair?
Well you truly are a saint, very well done elderflower

elderflowerlemonade · 23/06/2015 22:56

Oh, I'm not - but I was friends with someone who weighed quite a lot and - it didn't bother me. We are all different.

MistressDeeCee · 23/06/2015 22:56

I think the people pretending they wouldn't be bothered at all by going to a theatre show for a birthday treat and being wedged uncomfortably next to a huge bloke, are being "economical with the truth"Grin

Yeah....I bet you'd really be sitting there calmly smiling benignly, thinking in that moment...he probably has a hidden disability...or he can't help it.

No - its far more likely you'd be sitting there uncomfortable, and probably fuming too.

The thing is, rather than just thinking about how her night was spoilt, the OP "voiced" it so to speak, in a public forum. But she's saying nothing that the majority wouldn't be thinking themselves, in that situation

Real life isn't easy and I don't believe there are many who would be accommodating in 1/2 the situations I see on MN. It does good to say you wouldn't mind, tho...this is the virtual world, after all

Original poster
QueenBean · 23/06/2015 22:58

cheesemaker you have taken those quotes out of context and the thread has moved on quite some since then - I have already said that I now think I may have posted in the heat of the moment and have much more empathy for this man now. Suggest you read the full thread.

I'm very sorry about your brother's illness

OP posts:
elderflowerlemonade · 23/06/2015 22:59

I don't think they were taken out of context, particularly.

mileend2bermondsey · 23/06/2015 22:59

I have no idea what your last comment has to do with anything elder? You have obese friends so that means you welcome random obese people squashing you in your seat, what?? Confused

Original poster
QueenBean · 23/06/2015 23:02

elderflower yes they were. The comment about "losing weight or not going" was in direct relation to someone saying that "the man probably was so squeezed in to his chair that he probably had cramp in his arse". My response was that if he was so uncomfortable he had cramp in his arse he'd be more comfortable not being in that seat and not going! Very different to me saying that out of the blue

OP posts:
Original poster
QueenBean · 23/06/2015 23:02

mistressceedee thank you Smile

OP posts:
elderflowerlemonade · 23/06/2015 23:03

No, I'm saying that I had one obese friend, and that yes, sometimes she 'spilled' into my seat somewhat and it didn't really bother me. I was using her as an example since some seem to think we onlyont object in theory but in practice we would.

Miles, I promise I mean this politely, but do you realise you are being really aggressive in your posts to me and elsewhere? I'm not trying to be rude but it's actually quite intimidating.

mileend2bermondsey · 23/06/2015 23:06

Good greif you really are a drama queen, I'm being 'agressive' and 'imtimidating' you now? mmmmkkk show me where
I

elderflowerlemonade · 23/06/2015 23:07

Well, I was trying to be polite actually but don't worry, carry on! It isn't hurting me or anything, it is just a little bizarre and I don't know why you seem so angry!

CactusAnnie · 23/06/2015 23:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mileend2bermondsey · 23/06/2015 23:11

I'm not angry, I'm besmused to why anyone would go on a internet forum have a debate/heated conversation about something and then cry 'intimidation' when they cant come up with a decent response. Like I said before, please highlight my agression. If you cant hack it, leave.

elderflowerlemonade · 23/06/2015 23:12

I wasn't having a heated conversation until you started getting mad! But don't be bemused - do carry on!

mileend2bermondsey · 23/06/2015 23:16

I shant, I don't want to upset your delicate nature any further with my 'agression' Hmm

Floggingmolly · 23/06/2015 23:30

elder. She was your friend, whose company you chose to be in. Are you claiming that you'd be equally unfazed by a complete stranger in a public venue invading your space?
Your assertion that your friends excess weight "didn't bother you" is strange anyway. Op was only "bothered" by the guys weight in so far as it caused her discomfort while he was in the next seat.

Whatthefucknameisntalreadytake · 23/06/2015 23:33

Cactus I've lost people through morbid obesity too. It does kill.

nocoolnamesleft · 23/06/2015 23:36

Having been in both situations in the past, I would far sooner sit next to a fat person, but be able to see the show, than behind a tall person and unable to see anything. That is a total waste of the ticket price. I am average height for a woman. The overly tall people should really all be considerate enough to book appropriate seats at the back of the theatre/cinema, so that they don't impinge on the viewing space of other people. It's extremely selfish of tall people not to think of the people behind them.

milkmilklemonade12 · 23/06/2015 23:42

YANBU OP.

I can see why you were upset and I would have felt the same.

owlborn · 23/06/2015 23:43

CactusAnnie - I have also lost friends to heroin, and I've had a partner with a problem which I saw him go through. I actually am not convinced it isn't a perfectly good analogy. In fact, something a counselor once said (I work in the field) is that battling unhealthy eating habits are actually harder than battling a normal addiction.

Heroin/alcohol/tobacco addicts are told to cut it out of their life entirely. They walk away from it, they don't go near it. That's generally one of the more effective methods of getting it back under control. That's not an option with food. You have to keep eating, you have to keep surrounding yourself with the stuff and normally you get a lot of unhealthy stuff forced in your face.

I went from a size 12 to a size 18 in a year due to my thyroid basically packing it in. And yes, the meds I am now on stop me gaining more weight but they don't shift the majority of the weight I gained, and so I just need to do it through diet and exercise. And actually, it's hard.

People socialize through food - birthdays, weddings, special occasions. People try and show good will through food - I have people bringing cakes and biscuits into work all the time. And while people will stop drinking around an alcoholic or smoking around an ex-smoker, no one is going to stop eating cake around someone on a diet. I don't have disordered eating, but I've found it tough. I'll also add that losing weight, especially a significant amount, requires someone to eat less than a 'normal healthy amount'.

I also feel so very very sorry for the poor guy at the theatre. Not only was the seat too small, but I bet he could tell what the OP was thinking if she was that annoyed. So he spent £80 to be physically uncomfortable and self conscious and awkward with someone throwing him dirty looks about his weight.

CactusAnnie · 24/06/2015 00:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheCraicDealer · 24/06/2015 00:19

Well the OP didn't phrase it in the most sensitive way but i get where she's coming from. If you buy a seat (or have one bought for you) then you do so on the proviso that you occupy one seat. Not 1.25 seats. If you have reason to suspect that you might struggle then call the box office before your trip. Explain your problem. More than likely you won't be the first to face this and they'll try to help accommodate you. If you can't, cancel and take your business to somewhere that will. The change in demographics plus people voting with their feet will help change provisions for those who face these problems; staying silent and hoping that your neighbour will be ok sharing won't. Especially if people are put off pointing out to venues how uncomfortable this is out of fear that they'll be branded as judgemental or fat shaming. Putting up and shutting up doesn't help people like Theatre-Man or the OP.

UglyBugaz · 24/06/2015 00:28

The op did say she didn't make the man feel uncomfortable which is good, she didn't shame him by making a scene or asking loudly for another seat. I personally have never been in that situation to say it would upset me but I can defiantly say if it was a plane I would of been fuming.
If it is really upsetting you though op about the money complain via email/writing your concerns and demand a refund, find out who the highest point of call is in that theatre and address it to them.