To be upset and annoyed at how this very large man ruined our trip to the theatre?

[QueenBean]

It was my birthday a few weeks ago and my boyfriend bought me really good tickets to a show I've been wanting to see. The show is interactive and so he picked seats at the end of the row, about 3 rows from the stage. He booked these about 4 months ago to ensure they were good seats and paid £80 per ticket (I know this because it was printed on the ticket).

When we arrived, there was a morbidly obese man sitting in the seat next to mine. Except he was also taking up part of my seat, arm right over the armrest etc. I was then wedged in my seat, squeezed up to my boyfriend for the whole show. I asked the box office if they had any spare seats but they only had them in row T, far back from our seats and the next price bracket down. They also had some in a box but we wouldn't have been able to join in with the show. They said they wouldn't be able to refund and offer tickets for another day.

I felt really sorry for this man, he was clearly uncomfortable in his chair and kept moving to sort of move away from my seat. I didn't make it in any way obvious that I was uncomfortable or anything.

But I am pretty annoyed about it, and was upset last night about having our lovely trip to the theatre impacted so much by someone else. We booked our seats so far in advance to get suitable ones - why couldn't this man have booked a more suitable seat for himself? The boxes were the same price seats and had free seating (ie, they aren't fixed to the floor so can be moved), I am not sure why he couldn't have booked one of those when one was still free last night.

I am going to get flamed for not being more understanding, but what was meant to be an expensive birthday treat was greatly impacted by this man and I think he could have considered his size more when booking his own seat.

Aibu to feel annoyed at this?

To suggest that more willpower is required to eat a normal amount of food than to quit heroin is either ignorant, insulting or both.

No it isn't. It's a very apt analogy.

Just talking about this thread to DH and he reminded me about a flight we were on a few years ago when a woman refused to raise the armrest to accommodate a large person.

She said she'd paid for the seat and she wanted to use all of it, she wasn't particularly slim line herself. It was awkward for a while but she did have a point and she made it, not by criticising the larger man, but by saying she needed the arm rest down for her own comfort.

They found her a seat elsewhere but I'm not sure what would have happened if there were no spare seats.

OP you sound like a spoiled princess who needs life to be just perfect all the time. I suggest you go and live in a bubble where the life choices of others are not able to ruin your fun.

What a nasty, abusive, and untrue thing to say. Do you feel better being able to anonymously abuse people you don't know like this?

MN is hilarious sometimes!

'OP how dare you have the audacity to be annoyed that your 80 quid ticket, that younhad nreally been looking forward to, was ruined by having someone squeezed next to you really uncomfortably. If it had been me, I would have sat there smiling the entire time, in fact the show itself would have become completely irrelevant to me, as I would have become totally immersed in patting myself on the back for being so tolerant. I would have then given the man another 80 pounds for teaching me such a valuable lesson about being right on and perfect.

You, in the other hand should go back to your little bubble, you spoilt princess. You are a total sicko for hoping for a pleasant evening out at the theatre, when there are people squeezed onto boats trying to cross the Mediterranean . The only problems worth talking about on AIBU are mine '

Not by criticising the larger man but by making him suffer pain and embarrassment. Way to go that lady.

NoStannis

Having spend 45 minutes on the train this morning with someone else's breathing moving my body and their warm, sweaty flesh dampening my shirt I can wholeheartedly sympathise with you OP.

The minute he sat down & I was half pushed into the aisle I knew it was going to be a shit journey....

Making him suffer pain and embarrassment

What the fuck are you on about, Fanjo?

"a woman refused to raise the armrest to accommodate a large person"

Good for her. The problem with the seats is that they aren't flat. They have a slight "u" shape, dipping in the middle. This means if you have to squidge up, you're sitting at an angle. I have a hip injury which is fine if I keep good posture and sit properly, but which flares up very quickly if I'm wedged into a small seat at an angle next to someone who is larger than their seat. If I pay for my seat, I want my seat.

I'm not too impressed if I'm behind someone tall but at least I can still hear things and at least I'm still comfortable. I can generally filter out assorted noises, although if it's just people chatting for the sake of it I ask them to be quiet.

And yes, there are worse problems in the world. And yes, an obese person has to live with it all the time whereas I only have to put up with it for an evening. BUT barring medical problems, actually an obese person can, with effort, make changes. They shouldn't do that for the sake of thin people, but just for the sake of their own health.

I do think public venues should provide some larger seats but I also think that if I pay for an allotted space, I want that space. I pay to rent my house, I don't let my neighbour live in bits of it because he can't fit in his own house.

Why would anyone raise the armrest to allow someone to spill into their seat? It'd be like asking the neighbours if you could remove the fence so you're not contrained by your own garden borders, and could spill over into theirs...

No idea what he had.

But having an arm rest cutting his stomach in half was probably quite painful.

My point is that the lady didn't exactly act as kindly to the man as Mythical claimed.

You lot are probably glad an obese person suffered though.

Making him suffer pain and embarrassment

Frankly - and this is obviously not the case in the theatre - but if I perceive there to be a safety aspect to being squashed by a heavy weight on a flight (since restricted movement increases the risk of DVT) that will outweigh social nicety for me (especially since a person's size/weight is hardly likely to be news to them).

But having an arm rest cutting his stomach in half was probably quite painful.

I am not glad an obese person suffered. But in this scenario one of the two people was going to have to suffer, and in my opinion, that should be the one who is causing the space constraint.

someone squashing you is not as uncomfy as an arm rest cutting your belly in half (I imagine, incidentally I only need 1 seat on a plane).

my whole point was just that this wasn't some super kind solution for the man on the plane.

Honestly, if he was disabled in any way I would have felt differently because that isn't a choice.

So you know for an absolute fact that he wasn't in any way disabled? You know for a fact that he weight wasn't caused by disability? I had no idea people were now obliged to print their full medical history on their clothing to make it easy for others to judge exactly how much of the inconvenience they are being caused was due to 'choice' on the part of others.

No doubt you and of course all the other perfectly reasonable people on this thread would have been perfectly happy to be sat next to someone with uncontrollable verbal and physical tics for the duration for the performance...and wouldn't at all be saying as you did Yes I think that at paying so much for a ticket I should be entitled to bloody enjoy the show.

Gabilian
I do think public venues should provide some larger seats but I also think that if I pay for an allotted space, I want that space. I pay to rent my house, I don't let my neighbour live in bits of it because he can't fit in his own house.

When you pay to live in a house, space is usually a key consideration and will be reflected in the price. In the theatre, you generally pay for a seat/location, rather than a space allocation (although some options, e.g. a box, will obviously provide more space). It's inevitable that people come in all shapes and sizes and take up varying amounts of space when they occupy a seat. And as has already been pointed out, a lot of theatres are rather old and their seats may not be geared towards larger people.

Itsmine
It is hard, but obesity is not an addiction or a disability. People need to take responsibility for their eating habits before they become disabled.

I think that for some, that would be highly debatable. Clearly obesity is not an addiction, but in some cases, overeating can bear all the hallmarks of addictive behaviour and size can become a disability, making it even harder to make changes. It's a bit more complex than being a matter of taking responsibility.

People have different 'weaknesses' - it's easy to pinpoint somebody else's flaws and feel satisfied that you are aren't/would never be in a similar position. I take it you're not large, and that overeating is not an issue for you. Imagine instead some other behaviours or habits that you have, that you would like to change/have tried to change but can't.

someone squashing you is not as uncomfy as an arm rest cutting your belly in half

Yes, but if you don't want an arm rest cutting your belly in half then there is a fairly obvious solution - you can lose weight. If you are uncomfortable because an obese person is taking up half the seat that you paid for, and squashing you, well there is no solution (well actually there is but you will get called an inconsiderate arsehole).

Seriously, why is it so hard to understand that someone wants to go out and enjoy them self without having that experience ruined by someone encroaching into their space & having to suffer unwanted physical contact?

I don't mind what grossly overweight people (or indeed anyone else) do - as long as it doesn't affect me.

I really, honestly don't think that's an unreasonable outlook.

No doubt the bleeding hearts will now conflate me with the Nazis for daring to want my space to remain mine.

You lot are probably glad an obese person suffered though.

Another cracker from Fanjo!