To be upset and annoyed at how this very large man ruined our trip to the theatre?

[QueenBean]

It was my birthday a few weeks ago and my boyfriend bought me really good tickets to a show I've been wanting to see. The show is interactive and so he picked seats at the end of the row, about 3 rows from the stage. He booked these about 4 months ago to ensure they were good seats and paid £80 per ticket (I know this because it was printed on the ticket).

When we arrived, there was a morbidly obese man sitting in the seat next to mine. Except he was also taking up part of my seat, arm right over the armrest etc. I was then wedged in my seat, squeezed up to my boyfriend for the whole show. I asked the box office if they had any spare seats but they only had them in row T, far back from our seats and the next price bracket down. They also had some in a box but we wouldn't have been able to join in with the show. They said they wouldn't be able to refund and offer tickets for another day.

I felt really sorry for this man, he was clearly uncomfortable in his chair and kept moving to sort of move away from my seat. I didn't make it in any way obvious that I was uncomfortable or anything.

But I am pretty annoyed about it, and was upset last night about having our lovely trip to the theatre impacted so much by someone else. We booked our seats so far in advance to get suitable ones - why couldn't this man have booked a more suitable seat for himself? The boxes were the same price seats and had free seating (ie, they aren't fixed to the floor so can be moved), I am not sure why he couldn't have booked one of those when one was still free last night.

I am going to get flamed for not being more understanding, but what was meant to be an expensive birthday treat was greatly impacted by this man and I think he could have considered his size more when booking his own seat.

Aibu to feel annoyed at this?

I might have added that I am very likely on the autistic spectrum myself, with a child going through assessment for the same - does that help?

Why do you keep quoting me miles?

But in general I think anybody who thinks the arts cannot be enjoyed by people who have a certain IQ is a bit of a knob really. But knobs are, unfortunately, part of life's rich tapestry. I'm sure I have sat next to them and on balance I'd rather have the big person, as they can lose weight.

QueenBean
The did have a box available, which was at the same cost as our tickets, but had free seat that could be moved. I thought perhaps he would be more comfortable in one of those.

Are you saying that he was offered a seat in the box once you had raised the issue, or are you saying that you expected him to have chosen the box at the time of booking?

(Interesting that in the above comment, you talk about him, rather than you, being 'more comfortable'.)

Building on Skyadelic's comments, when offered some options, you did essentially prioritise an interactive experience over seat comfort. Retrospectively, it would seem that you are revising your decision making.

Why did you not say this in your post? You must see that as a stand alone post describing how you now have a life long aversion to doing social activities because of an encounter with people with additional needs when you were a child, it's actually very offensive?

Mileend yes it would. I assume you wouldn't enjoy it.

You'd think some people were goading on here eh.

I think I may just have raised the awkward question of which disability trumps the other. Without actually meaning to.

fascicle I think it would be reasonable for him to have taken the box at the time of him booking. I have also said in previous posts that he looked uncomfortable and yes, for my comfort, I'd rather that he wasn't sitting half on my seat.

I didn't raise it with him, I didn't ask the staff to raise it with him so i dont know if he knew the box was available.

I don't think you did at all.

Goading on here

Never

Goading? If that's aimed at me, no. I was stating my feelings on the issue.

I thought what I had decided to do, ie stay away from things like the theatre largely, was a good solution as it affects me more than anyone I might feel uncomfortable being near to.

Do I have to state that I would be fine with being in that situation in order not to offend? Because I wouldn't be fine with it. I'm sorry, and I don't mean to cause any offence. It must be bloody hard having the sort of disability that causes other people to stare or feel angry or whatever.

I can't think how hard it must be.

I thought when I posted that what I said would be acceptable.

Clearly it wasn't and for that I apologise. I can't take it back as it's the truth, but I am sorry that it offended people.

I would never goad, not intentionally. Crikey.

My comment about goading was aimed at..those who are goading.

Which seems to be about half the people on this thread.

No you don't have to state you'd be fine it that situation at all but without quantifying information regarding your own possible spectrum condition your post offers no insight and just comes across as a nasty disablist comment.

Also it was badly phrased; it was not only that occasion which decided my preference to stay away. I find the theatre uncomfortable for many reasons; this is just one of them. I mentioned it as it seemed relevant to the OP but there are other issues too.

Yeah Nicky I can see how it could be interpreted as unkind.

That was not my intention at all.

QueenBean
During the performance, it sounds like the man was considerate/aware of himself in relation to you and your seat. On that basis, it would seem a little unkind to blame him for a lack of consideration before booking the seat. Perhaps he had no idea of the seat size; perhaps he had been reassured that the seat would accommodate him. Your seats were booked several months in advance - maybe his was too, and maybe his size had changed. There are various possibilities. But my guess is that he did not intend to inconvenience anyone.

fascicle yes I agree, another poster pointed out the myriad of possibilities that meant that he had that seat and pointed out that he probably did indeed feel uncomfortable about it. As I said in my other post, the words of some posters have made an impact, and I do feel that I was quick off the mark to make a judgement. I still maintain that it was an imposition, but I do feel bad for the guy as well.

YANBU

Obesity is obviously rising, and I am pretty sure it isn't because more people are on meds or have a medical issue where they genuinely can't control their weight.

A very very tiny percentage of obese people have a medical reason for it but the majority don't and it makes me laugh when it is always trotted out how they might be obese due to a medical issue, when reality is that it pretty rare for that to be the case.

I have a lot of sympathy for people who are obese and I understand how darn hard it can be to lose weight and maintain it but I would still not be happy with the situation the OP described.

Considering how fat Britain is getting it would make sense to have much bigger seats.

I think the man should have booked two seats.

It's just one of those things OP. I paid £125 to see the semi-final of the men's diving at the London 2012 Olympics and had been really looking forward to it. My seat was the far end of the diving board and I was looking at it sideways on. The whole way through the event people were walking up and down the steps next to my block of seats - going to the toilets, going off to buy drinks etc. I missed half the dives! I and loads of other audience members were getting more and more annoyed. At least I saw all Tom Daley's dives because people actually sat down for those. But god it was annoying.

My brother is now morbidly obese due to the steroids he has to take. he would of course do some exercise to counteract the effects and keep his weight in check, except its a bit fucking hard to hit the gym with his colostomy bag and portable oxygen tank.

Still, not to worry. He'll be dead in a year or so and won't therefore be impinging on all the lovely thin people for much longer.

I don't think that is really fair cheesemaker

I too have a morbidly obese sister with health issues due to it. I still agree with the OP though.

Not once has she, or anyone said anything horrible about people who are obese so I think personalising it isn't really fair to her. I am very sorry to hear about your brother but the OP is not judging anyone.

Why do you keep quoting me miles?
Because your comment is ridiculous.
If I go to see a show and there are people screaming for whatever reason and an obese person using up half of my chair in your world I'm just supposed to go 'oh well thats life, I didnt really want to sit in comfort or be able to hear the performance anyway'
Get real.

It is different to having your view obscured by a tall person in front of you - as a short person, yes I often have to suck it up when that happens.

However, when the person next to you is overweight and spilling into your seat, there is something disgusting about having your flesh forcibly pressed into a stranger even through clothes. There is no way I could enjoy the show when every hair on my body is standing on end. I could not zone out of that. I never married this stranger. My partner is next to me but I have to be pressed into this man's hot flesh because he is overweight.

That is truly vile and invasive. I don't blame the OP.