To be upset and annoyed at how this very large man ruined our trip to the theatre?

[QueenBean]

It was my birthday a few weeks ago and my boyfriend bought me really good tickets to a show I've been wanting to see. The show is interactive and so he picked seats at the end of the row, about 3 rows from the stage. He booked these about 4 months ago to ensure they were good seats and paid £80 per ticket (I know this because it was printed on the ticket).

When we arrived, there was a morbidly obese man sitting in the seat next to mine. Except he was also taking up part of my seat, arm right over the armrest etc. I was then wedged in my seat, squeezed up to my boyfriend for the whole show. I asked the box office if they had any spare seats but they only had them in row T, far back from our seats and the next price bracket down. They also had some in a box but we wouldn't have been able to join in with the show. They said they wouldn't be able to refund and offer tickets for another day.

I felt really sorry for this man, he was clearly uncomfortable in his chair and kept moving to sort of move away from my seat. I didn't make it in any way obvious that I was uncomfortable or anything.

But I am pretty annoyed about it, and was upset last night about having our lovely trip to the theatre impacted so much by someone else. We booked our seats so far in advance to get suitable ones - why couldn't this man have booked a more suitable seat for himself? The boxes were the same price seats and had free seating (ie, they aren't fixed to the floor so can be moved), I am not sure why he couldn't have booked one of those when one was still free last night.

I am going to get flamed for not being more understanding, but what was meant to be an expensive birthday treat was greatly impacted by this man and I think he could have considered his size more when booking his own seat.

Aibu to feel annoyed at this?

This isn't a real problem though is it? Not having enough money to feed your children, your dp dying, being abused as a child... This is what I call a problem. I guess it depends on what you have experienced as a problem. To me sitting next to a fat person isn't a problem.

This isn't what I class as a problem. A problem is not having enough money to feed your child, your dp dying, being abused as a child... Sitting next to a fat man shouldn't really have the power to ruin your treat.

That's right.. On MN as long as your not dead it's ok. There are people worse off

Dumb phone! Went on an assertiveness course today and am practising in a safe arena!!! Whoops! Also op don't think you deserve to be sworn at!

It is true some people are worse off.

Floggingmolly

This is not what I posted

Do we really want to live in a society where someone due to their size should have to consider the comfort of others first and put themselves and their feelings second?

So you have changed my post to suit your argument

And yes I stand by your changed post as I have no idea why some people are obese I have no idea when some people have a hidden disability I rather others not feel inconsiderate when out in public for acting like everyone else I am a

It's called being empathic and it's a choice should you want to be or not

Op please stop saying you didn't get to use your seat. Of course you did, you weren't standing for the duration of the show.
Yes it was less comfy than you hoped but you still got to use it. The downside of sharing the planet with other people is sometimes they compromise our enjoyment of things. But as you said still lots of nice things to take away from the evening.

You have my sympathies.
Years ago we were in the US and went to book in for an internal flight. Puzzled to be given different seats a few rows back "as you'll be more comfortable"

Then we saw why- a woman boarded and sat at our original row of 3 seats. She occupied more than 2 spaces so we couldn't have sat there.

What would have happened if that plane was full? We had paid for our seats, but wouldn't have been able to use them.

What have I changed, Freudian? I also have no idea why some people are obese or whether some people have hidden disabilities which makes them larger than they should be.

I don't judge them for it per se, but I don't think it's down to me to minimise the impact it would have on me should I find myself in close quarters with them either.

When I was about 12 we went to the ballet and a few rows behind us was a group of people with disabilities - perhaps learning disabled, it was so long ago that I don't remember and wouldn't have known at the time.

They made a lot of noise throughout the show - I mean screams and random shouting and so on. It was really distracting.

I support their right to watch it but it kind of coloured my feelings about going to anything like that, as I hate the conflict I feel when something like that occurs.

I would rather not go at all than go and be unable to enjoy it because someone else was making a racket (unintentionally or otherwise) or sitting too close.

So I just don't go to stuff.

Posted too soon

I am aware I do not face difficulties that others do in life and so fucking what I may feel a little uncomfortable at times, I may have missed a bit of a play, I may have wanted a peaceful dinner out the list could be endless for myself they are passing moments I do not have to consider my presence as an inconvenience to others absolutely no one should. whatever their reason for being obese or what ever hidden disability/illness they have that is enough to deal with without have someone moaning a moment of their time has been spoilt

Why would you post that.

Obviously I x-posted.

So traumatised you don't go to stuff because a group of people with learning disabilities made a noise when you were 12? Good grief.

I went on a school trip to the panto with all of year four. A group of people with learning disabilities were there, in the front row. One of the ladies in that group turned to face the audience and pulled her skirt up and showed everyone her pants. None of the kids commented. I was worried parents would complain but no-one did. Sometimes life just happens.

This is what I posted

do we really want to live in a society where someone due to their size (for whatever reason) or maybe a hidden disability should have to consider the comfort of of others first and out themselves and their feels second

But i still disagree with you

With that ridiculous attitude Sophie it's a good thing that you stay away.

Well I'm not going to keep my disabled child at home in case his noise ruins your enjoyment of a show.

Tough titty.

SophieHatters

I think it's best you don't go to stuff until you can understand how society is moving on for the better so those with disabilities can enjoy what others take for granted

Did I ask you to keep anyone at home?

Would you rather I said that, than just distance myself from the scenario?

I have trouble being around people in general, even my own children.

I can't think how I would handle it differently and not cause offence.

To be fair to Sophie, nowhere has she suggested that anyone else should be prevented from going to a show. She's simply said that she didn't enjoy it because of the disruption and therefore doesn't go. She didn't say she was traumatised. There's no need to call her ridiculous or attack her at all - how is she hurting anyone else?