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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset and annoyed at how this very large man ruined our trip to the theatre?

549 replies

QueenBean · 23/06/2015 12:16

It was my birthday a few weeks ago and my boyfriend bought me really good tickets to a show I've been wanting to see. The show is interactive and so he picked seats at the end of the row, about 3 rows from the stage. He booked these about 4 months ago to ensure they were good seats and paid £80 per ticket (I know this because it was printed on the ticket).

When we arrived, there was a morbidly obese man sitting in the seat next to mine. Except he was also taking up part of my seat, arm right over the armrest etc. I was then wedged in my seat, squeezed up to my boyfriend for the whole show. I asked the box office if they had any spare seats but they only had them in row T, far back from our seats and the next price bracket down. They also had some in a box but we wouldn't have been able to join in with the show. They said they wouldn't be able to refund and offer tickets for another day.

I felt really sorry for this man, he was clearly uncomfortable in his chair and kept moving to sort of move away from my seat. I didn't make it in any way obvious that I was uncomfortable or anything.

But I am pretty annoyed about it, and was upset last night about having our lovely trip to the theatre impacted so much by someone else. We booked our seats so far in advance to get suitable ones - why couldn't this man have booked a more suitable seat for himself? The boxes were the same price seats and had free seating (ie, they aren't fixed to the floor so can be moved), I am not sure why he couldn't have booked one of those when one was still free last night.

I am going to get flamed for not being more understanding, but what was meant to be an expensive birthday treat was greatly impacted by this man and I think he could have considered his size more when booking his own seat.

Aibu to feel annoyed at this?

OP posts:
Original poster
QueenBean · 23/06/2015 20:08

QueenBean
fascicle I don't have any issue with the theatre - they didn't have any other appropriately seats available. No complaint with the theatre at all.

So going back to this comment...

I think he could have considered his size more when booking his own seat.

...how do you know what he did and didn't do and ask, prior to booking his seat (if indeed he booked his own seat)?

You're misquoting me. The first comment was to say that the theatre didn't have any further appropriate seats that we could move to.

The did have a box available, which was at the same cost as our tickets, but had free seat that could be moved. I thought perhaps he would be more comfortable in one of those.

OP posts:
elderflowerlemonade · 23/06/2015 20:08

Mileend - it is!

I have to share the world with other people. Some of them will be more comfortable to share a space with than others!

AmberNectarine · 23/06/2015 20:09

Again, what is the point of this? People say, actually I wouldn't really care, OP disagrees.

OP, if you're so sure of what we all think, why did you ask us?

condominoes · 23/06/2015 20:10

Your boyfriend paid op

Please be consistent with the details

drmarch · 23/06/2015 20:10

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

MissDemelzaCarne · 23/06/2015 20:11

Was there no barrier between your seats? Confused

mileend2bermondsey · 23/06/2015 20:12

Well tell you what I do hope everyone professing how happy they would be to have someone take over half their seat due to their huge girth, offers to sit next to them. You can spare the rest of us who want to enjoy our evening in comfort.

liquoricetwirl · 23/06/2015 20:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mrsjayy · 23/06/2015 20:12

Having a leg on your side of a seat or an over weight arm digging in to you isnt my idea of a fun night out i am not that bothered why people are fat i never assume greed or illness why should anybody have to tolerate someone elses body on their seat why do we have to be kind when somebody is clearly squashing you why ?

formidable · 23/06/2015 20:12

Well if I ever get morbidly obese, I will comfort myself with the thought that I might be fat on the outside, but at least I'm not ugly on the inside....

chaiselounger · 23/06/2015 20:12

Sooty it was meant jokingly.

Original poster
QueenBean · 23/06/2015 20:13

drmarch what a horrible post. Absolutely no need to swear and insult me like that.

I have repeatedly said that my partner deliberately books specific seats so as not to impact people

How does having a nice birthday gift and wanting to enjoy it make me a "spoilt bitch"? You don't know me, you don't know what I have or not. Not fair or necessary to use that kind of language.

OP posts:
sykadelic · 23/06/2015 20:13

If the theatre had seats that weren't so small (like airlines, squished together for great profit) then he'd have had more room and HE would have enjoyed the show that he also paid for (or that someone else paid for).

You also asked for a refund and/or tickets for another night. The theatre denied you this option.

You asked the theatre for different seats. They offered a solution but you wanted an interactive experience, so you CHOSE to stay in those seats. This one is your "fault".

You're using all of these excuses for why it's okay to fat shame this man. You didn't say anything to him? He knew by your lack of comment and lack of interaction with him. He can't see this post? How do you know his mother, daughter, sister can't? Isn't exactly hard to pin down, especially if he then went home upset and embarrassed and talked to them about it.

You said you wouldn't be upset if you knew of, or saw, that he had a disability? Should he carry a placard for you? Do you also ask people who park in disabled spaces to prove their disability to you as well? You could see his disability, you decided that being overweight, or at least HIM being overweight, isn't a disability and so you're pissed at the poor man who obviously also had a shit time.

So, does it suck you didn't enjoy your show? Sure and for the theatres part in that (especially refusing to allow you another night instead) YANBU.

As to the rest, YABU. You had choices you chose not to take because you wanted to sit in your seat, that your bf had paid for. Just like this man wanted to sit in the seat he paid for.

elderflowerlemonade · 23/06/2015 20:13

Blimey.

I am now wondering what on earth people thought of my friend and I in 2014 when we went to the theatre!

We were seeing Charlie and the chocolate factory though.

Mrsjayy · 23/06/2015 20:14

Next time i am at the cinema i might perch on my neighbours seat see how well it goes down

Gabilan · 23/06/2015 20:15

"Studies consistently show 30-50% of overweight adults have it, though hardly any have been diagnosed or have any idea what it means."

Could there be a confusion between cause and effect there? Eating a lot of sugary foods can and does mess up your body's ability to self regulate. So it wouldn't necessarily be hyperinsulinism causing over-eating, but eating too much sugar interfering with the body's ability to regulate insulin production. Then you'd be into a vicious circle.

Original poster
QueenBean · 23/06/2015 20:16

Amber that's a fair question, and actually, a lot to have thought about - believe it or not, some of the words have filtered through, particularly that now I feel bad that if someone ever stumbled across a thread like this it could upset them. I took what had annoyed me at the time and probably posted too quickly, too emotionally. I have been responding back to the more personal posts only but have missed saying this before but some of the words have stayed with me - particularly the poster who said that I should take the nice evening as it was and forget about the less good bits

OP posts:
chaiselounger · 23/06/2015 20:17

Drmarch thats a little bit harsh.
If you haven't been out for dinner fur a while/out to a show or whatever/ or its your birthday, you would be looking forward to it.
And if anything spoiled it: bad it a tube strike, bad service in the restaurant, or not being able to see/being uncomfortable because of the arm hogger next to you, you sound be disappointed.

spanky2 · 23/06/2015 20:18

If this is the problem in your life then you are very lucky. Tbh you need to get over yourself. Your post comes across as rude, unsympathetic and spoiled. I find your position rather unbelievable. Really? You had to sit next to a fat man? Wow.

mileend2bermondsey · 23/06/2015 20:19

drmarch
What a vile person you have shown yourself to be, whilst trying to put down the OP for exactly the same thing!

Floggingmolly · 23/06/2015 20:19

The man didn't just sit in the seat he'd paid for. He also sat in a fair proportion of the seat op had paid for. That, and only that, is the whole fucking point.

If he's been disabled to the point of having an extra limb, op should still not be expected to be tolerant of having it in her seat.

chaiselounger · 23/06/2015 20:19

If you had to sit on a flight to Oz, next to someone big/smelly/snoring/invading your space, you would be cross.

fascicle · 23/06/2015 20:20

mileend2bermondsey
Only on MN would people describe having a morbidly obese person squash you for hours at a cost of 80 quid 'part of the rich tapestry of life' fuck me.

Sounds like an exaggeration/misrepresentation to me (on the 'squash' and 'hours' front). As for the 'rich tapestry of life' quote, I like people with flexible attitudes - leads to a greater chance of happiness Grin.

elderflowerlemonade · 23/06/2015 20:20

I did have to sit on a flight next to someone big. Not to oz admittedly but to Italy.

I was on a flight next to a big person - that was the extent of it to be honest!

HagOtheNorth · 23/06/2015 20:20

Last time I went to the theatre, fate was spitting in my general direction.
I was sat next to a huge piece of prime British rugby-playing beefcake whose bulging muscles required much of my space, and BEHIND another similar chap.
I felt like a Robin Reliant at a Monster Truck convention.
Shit happens when you choose a live performance. I swapped seats with the bloke in front and they squidged up together.