To put dd 7m into nursery so I can go to the gym?

[Vijac]

I've just started putting her in for an hour two times a week. The first sessions were ok but today at her 4th session her face just crumpled when I said goodbye which wrenched my heart :(. She obviously realised I was leaving her. Am I mean putting her in just so I can go the gym. I just want to get fit and lose some weight finally. Will I damage her according to attachment parenting? Thanks.

So do you just work evenings and weekend then?

BTW, I'm not being antagonistic, I'm genuinely interested in how you've managed to make it work.

I do admire SAHP who have the mental strength and resilience to do it, I know I couldn't. I even went back to work after Mat. Leave a few months earlier than I originally planned to as i was slowly going mad being a SAHP.

Yes Writer, I will pay this summer too but I won't use it. It's not just about money is it? It's about making the most of the time with your little ones while they are little. I hate that I have to go to work but I do and that's that. I don't have to go to the gym or a cafe or do the housework in a leisurely manner etc etc.

When you have kids, "me time" stops for a bit. That's how it is and how it should be.

I will add that dd1 didn't ever go to nursery (more money then!) and arrived into reception as a confident, bright girl who has been on the g&t register throughout school. Nursery doesn't necessarily "bring them on" or add anything to their education that a dedicated and devoted parent can't.

Hilarious to think that every parent should do the same thing and that there is only one 'correct' answer! For me going back to work part time is perfect - I had 9 fun but tough months with ds and now have a perfect balance. He is happy with childminder and I love the time I do have with him.

As for gym- I think 1h a week is going to take a while for young baby to adjust to/settle however that doesn't make it wrong. I left ds with dh from a very young age so I could go for a run- sometimes he would cry, often they would take him for a walk. Friends and I have taken it in turns to look after both babies to give each other an hour when needed. Don't feel guilty if it helps you mentally to be happier!

When you have kids, "me time" stops for a bit. That's how it is and how it should be.

Respectfully disagree.

My kids are teenagers now, I work when they are at school.
When they were younger I would work early in the morning before they woke, during nap times, or when OH was home from work at evenings and weekends.
Even working for 90 minutes each morning and a hour in the evening after kids had gone to bed is already 21 hours a week. Find another 10 and that's 30 hours.
I haven't found it hard- I am very self motivated.

Dear me what a load of mummy martyrs!
Bringing up a well adjusted child is multi faceted. If that means mum has some 'me time' to keep herself happy health and sane it can only be beneficial to the child.
Funny how other men never seem to berate each other for their leisure time and make each other feel like they aren't doing the best for their kids.

'Thats how it is'
No it's not actually, sing

Nolim I feel sad that you disagree to be honest.

I think the only reason I don't mind doing it is because he's only in childcare for two days a week so I still have plenty of time with him when he's not there.

I did change my job whilst on Mat. Leave as my job at that time was a 9-5 job, four days a week, and I didn't want to be away from DS that long or have him in childcare so often.

I think I've got the best if both worlds in that in my new job I only have to work three days a week so for the remaining four days of the week I have lots of quality time with DS.

Do you not get "me time" when they're in bed? Let's face it, we're all here on MN now aren't we? Kids presumably in bed? Why not make the most of your time in the evening? Go to the gym etc then?

aww would somebody think of the children!! (DailyMail sadface)

"Nolim I feel sad that you disagree to be honest"

Oh, do bore off.

And how sad to consider someone a "martyr" because they want to spend their time with their young children.

I really am intrigued a bear what do you think of male parents who work? Should they not have had children? Should we all just live in homemade shelters and forage for mushrooms? Or is only women that shouldnt have children then go to work?

I would have found it hard to leave one of mine to go the gym. But I bet we would have been a happier household if I had. Certainly found that I am much better parent when I spend some of my time at work. I suppose maybe I shouldnt have had kids, but how was I supposed to know before I'd had them?

singsong- I agree with you.

I work, but if I was a SAHM I'd feel awkward about my husband paying for me to go to the gym tbh.

I don't think people who want to spend time with their children are martyrs.
I think people who think you need to spend every spare waking moment with them to the expense of your hobbies, socialising and telling others they should give up me time because they as one of two people chose to have a child.
It's far from healthy

Also keep not everyone can work from home. Really society would be in a shit state if we all stayed at home and worked for artisan food producers. Someone needs to fight fires/uphold the law/care for frail elderly people/manufacture and sell medicines/clean hospitals.

Sharon- we're talking about a baby of 7 months here. Do you not think that giving up hobbies, socialising etc for 7 months is kind of reasonable?!
Maybe it's older mum syndrome here. I am in my early 40s and was well into my 30s before I had children. By the time I had kids I was ready to put them at the top of my priorities and forgo the socialising etc etc.

Of course- but I am not everyone.

Looking after my own children was a huge priority for me, but it isn't for everyone.

Yes giving up on life is totally reasonable after you have kids. Said no father. Ever.

vvega- but we need writers too. You also think producing food is not important?

ALL mums like every precious minute with their little ones

I bloody well don't!! Obviously I love my children, I had five of them, but I certainly do not enjoy every minute and neither do I think every minute I spend with them is precious.

I am not going to judge you OP. I think it is very important to have some time to yourself and no harm will come to your child. That said, it is not a choice I would have made personally. I happily left my babies with family from a very young age and realise how important it is for many, if not all, parents to have time without them.

If my only option was to leave them with care providers so I could get some time to myself I may have done for my sanity, but I was in the position where I could get time for myself and leave them with family, so I didn't have to make that choice.

If you are struggling to lose weight and feeling a bit down then I think this is very healthy for you and a happier mum does equal a happier family life, so in the long run it will only benefit your child.

Some people on here could do with having a bit of compassion and stop laying the guilt on the OP. It might not be a decision you would make and that is fine, but it is not ok to say some of the shit that has been said here to a mother who is only going to the gym two hours a week to benefit her health. It is not like she is leaving her crying child while she is up the pub pissing it up and shooting heroin every night.

You carry on doing it OP. Baby will be fine

My dh leads exactly the same life I do. In fact, he works at the weekend to free up days in the week to avoid nursery. He too would never use nursery other than for work reasons. He doesn't go out socialising any more than I do.