To put dd 7m into nursery so I can go to the gym?

[Vijac]

I've just started putting her in for an hour two times a week. The first sessions were ok but today at her 4th session her face just crumpled when I said goodbye which wrenched my heart :(. She obviously realised I was leaving her. Am I mean putting her in just so I can go the gym. I just want to get fit and lose some weight finally. Will I damage her according to attachment parenting? Thanks.

You have no friends without DC? No friends who would have a child free birthday party? The last party we were invited to was a friends 50th and I'm damned sure neither his kids nor ours were invited. We didn't go as we went to a different friend's 40th. No kids but we got to catch up with a lot of ikd friends which was lovely. Still, I guess we could have just stayed at home and missed out on both.

Old friends

Thanks for the advice Lady. I think I'll stick to doing it my way if that's ok with you. I'm raising two great girls. The oldest is proof that we're doing ok. I am entirely confident in my choices. You have made different choices which you are fine with. They are yours to make.
The OP posted in AIBU, presumably seeking opinions and got a mixture of them. The fact that not all of them matches yours doesn't make you right and all others wrong.
It's notable that the only people who have referred to mine and similar posters approaches as "perfect" are those who disagree with us. This is perhaps telling.

I don't think I'm perfect but I know I'm doing my best and so do my children. I am firmly of the view that the job of a parent is to nurture a child when young so that they are confident enough to spread their wings when older. This certainly seems to be proving true with my older daughter.

River, I wouldn't have a baby sitter so either wouldn't go or would go alone without dh. Not all of us are blessed with willing and local (and capable) grandparents. Most of my friends choose to include their kids in their celebrations, as do we.

I do have friends who never include their son in any celebrations- birthdays, anniversaries etc and I always find that a bit sad.

Last night I got a babysitter and met my DH off the train from work. We went to a trendy new bar in our area and drank prosecco and people-watched and talked about both serious and frivolous things. Then we rolled home on the bus and kissed the kids and thanked the babysitter. It was marvellous, and made a nice change from sitting on our sofa.

No babysitter, not ever?? I can't even imagine such a thing. I'd have been locked up years ago.

This is a very eye-opening thread. OP, go to the gym (or wherever pleases you), for all the reasons that so many wise posters have given. Life can't be all baby all the time - it benefits no one.

No baby sitter here either ( and no family either).
Like sing most of the people we socialise with also include children in events.

I don't think I am always right, sing - far from it. I just worry when I think people are setting themselves up for an emotional bruising later on. You are free to carry on as you are, of course. I don't know you, so maybe you won't respond in the same ways that I know I would. I just know that if I made my kids my world then my world would end when they left home.

I'm sorry if it came across as aggressive because it was not meant to be so.

It's notable that the only people who have referred to mine and similar posters approaches as "perfect" are those who disagree with us. This is perhaps telling.

Telling of what?

YANBU. Although I'd stick her in for a bit longer each time so she has more of a chance to get used to being there and to benefit from the activities and social aspect of a different environment. (And so you get a bit more of a chance to enjoy time for you.)

"I am firmly of the view that the job of a parent is to nurture a child when young so that they are confident enough to spread their wings when older. This certainly seems to be proving true with my older daughter."

It's wonderful that your daughter is a happy confident child, but there are also plenty of us who have happy confident children and did things differently. You do seem to be rather suggesting that your choices are clearly not just best for you but "best full stop" and your happy child is clear "evidence" of this. The disparaging language you've used about people "parking" their children with babysitters, etc. (plus the rather patronizing "I suppose those choices were alright for you, but I couldn't bring myself to do it, I could never forgive myself" tone throughout) makes your feelings very clear.

And yes, I'm generally confident in my parenting choices. It doesn't mean I think I've done everything right, because that would be insane.

My friend's parents never left her with anyone and never went out without her. They thought they were going what was best for her. Scroll forward 20 years - friend leaves home and moves a distance away. Feels guilty all the time at leaving her parents who still don't go out as they now find they have no circle of friends and have frankly got out of the habit of going out together. It's healthy for parents to have a life of their own and it makes it much less likely the DC are going to feel guilty when they're older.

"Telling of what?"

Clearly that we all secretly admit that we're terrible mothers and envy her superior parental dedication?

I'm firmly of a view that a job of a parent is to nuture their child when they are young

I don't think anyone on here will disagree with you. Putting a child in to nursery for a few hours a week will not interrupt any nurturing or bonding.

i know I'm doing my best
We are all doing our best. Thoe of us that work full time, part time, stay at home, use childcare for a few blissful child free hours to go shopping...whatever our situations- everybody on here is doing their best and all children- with love and nuture- will grow up confident and secure. There is no secret formula to raising confident, happy children- ie x hours of love multiplied by no time at the gym and extra time making play dough and cookies equals happiest child ever. It doesn't work like that. We all have our own formulas. Mine is working 3 days a week, occassional nights out whilst gp's babysit, and spending the rest of my time having a ball with DS. Guess what- he is turning out okay!

Lady, I would be a bit if any parent felt nothing when their kids flew the nest to be honest. My daughter still has 9 years to go before she will hopefully head off to Uni. Lots of time to make memories together.

I have no doubt that we'll be fine. We were together a long time before children came along. I have lots of hobbies and interests, none of which require childcare.

Scrumpy, I'm sure he is and I'm sure people are doing their best. Why the need for the personal attack from some is beyond me really.

Leedy- well I don't know but it is interesting isn't it. Why refer to someone else as a "perfect parent", as though that is a derogatory thing, if you don't in some way recognise that they are doing ok?

"Why refer to someone else as a "perfect parent", as though that is a derogatory thing, if you don't in some way recognise that they are doing ok?"

I didn't use the term myself, but I assumed that the term was being used to refer to people who think that they are perfect parents and/or are smug about their parenting choices. Rather than a tacit recognition that the people in question are actually perfect.

Well done flopismymantra

Vvega, I haven't yet left a crying child at nursery as thankfully she is always happy to go. However, I do know that if she cried and I didn't have to leave her (because of work) then I wouldn't. It would break my heart to have to walk away from a crying young baby. I could only do it if I absolutely had no choice.

Singsongsung I believe they may have being intending to be sarcastic. You may well be doing okay but it's hard to tell, your judgmental tone and 'woe is me' attitude is blocking the view.

"Woe is me"?? Er why are my posts "woe is me"?
I think aggression is marring some people's posts to be honest.

We have no local gps either, as I said MIL will come from quite a distance to babysit for us. And other than that we have local friends and we babysit for each other. Oh, and some of the staff at DD's nursery would do evening babysitting so we did that a couple of times with staff that we knew DD was very fond of. Sometimes it's just a nice thing to go to a party or the movies together, and it makes not one single jot of difference to DD.

Because you seem awfully fond of implying that you're being attacked when you're not.