To put dd 7m into nursery so I can go to the gym?

[Vijac]

I've just started putting her in for an hour two times a week. The first sessions were ok but today at her 4th session her face just crumpled when I said goodbye which wrenched my heart :(. She obviously realised I was leaving her. Am I mean putting her in just so I can go the gym. I just want to get fit and lose some weight finally. Will I damage her according to attachment parenting? Thanks.

To update, left them for an hour. The older one cried but calmed down after a few minutes (I stayed outside) and had a lovely time. Both were very happy when I collected them.

I'm feeling much stronger and happier. And don't really give a shit if some of you think I'm selfish and have abandoned my kids. The only person who's opinion I care about is happy, but I just wanted to update those of you who were kind enough post supportive words.

To the women saying they would not leave their children for frivolous me time. That is your choice. I will not do that. Please do not judge my decisions as I don't judge yours.

And please think about how your comments can hurt. Having spent the last three months in severe depression, some of the comments here really hit home and not in a good way

I'm just glad that me and my DH want more for our marriage and our relationship as a couple than just nights in, sitting on the sofa when DS is asleep.

Oh, I see. You went out and did it all years ago and that'll be sufficient until you die. Well, that's nice

Thank goodness there have been no new films, plays, art gallery openings or dance/fitness movements since then, otherwise you'd be totally missing out.

I can imagine which way this thread has turned....

I hate the expression "attachment parenting". It makes me want to vomit. It's a cult.

I can't leave my third baby (reflux from hell, breastfeeding, can't express) and I am craving time alone so much it is affecting my parenting!

Go to the gym and enjoy every minute!

(My other kids have attended nursery part time from 11 months old and love it)

We're in our 40s as well, I don't think it's condemned us to spend the rest of our evenings on the sofa.

Thursday, I still do all of those things. I just do them with my children. It means that she (the 9 year old- the 10 month old is very little still) has had some fantastic experiences, been to all sorts of places etc.

FlopismyMantra that sounds like a brilliant result. I hope you continue to attend your classes and continue to get stronger

I hope my DS will grow up to see my interactions outside the family as a good example of how to live a full and rounded life - or attempt to at least

My parents sound like sing a bit actually, but due to circumstances rather than choice, and as my sister and I have grown up and they have got older they do seem a bit sick of each other's company.

Lady, well hardly til I die but then my children won't be little until I die will they? (Hopefully not anyway). They will be entirely dependent on me for a tiny amount of time- in fact the 9 year old is well past that stage already. I'm willing to "sacrifice" the me time stuff- actually it's not a sacrifice at all. It's lovely and I wouldn't change it for the world.

I have seen singsong on another thread basically saying that women should never complain their DC are getting on their nerves from time to time as that is insulting to all women who struggle with infertility.

So I won't be taking her "opinions" very seriously.

I say that as someone with ongoing fertility issues.

Please don't feel guilty OP, what some people don't seem to realise is that actually time for yourself makes you a happier, healthier Mum so it's actually better for your children that you get it. You aren't doing them any kind of disservice.

I believe that you're sacrificing you're own enjoyment of some of those experiences.

I certainly wouldn't run a 10 mile race with my DS

DH goes to the pub once a week on his own and I sometimes go out of an evening with my friends (say once a month - more than that is unusual). I can't remember the last time we went out together, just the 2 of us. Maybe November. However that isn't because I wouldn't like to; it's more a reflection of the fact that DH is a bit suspicious of babysitters () and that we have no family to sit for us. Friends have generously offered, but we're wary of using up the goodwill and so try to ask sparingly.

I'm in my early 30s, DH early 40s. I have no intention of spending the next 14 years parked on the sofa every evening as frankly, it's boring. Let's get up, go out and LIVE!

"I just do them with my children. It means that she (the 9 year old- the 10 month old is very little still) has had some fantastic experiences, been to all sorts of places etc."

I am now attempting (and failing) to imagine bringing DS1 to a Michelin starred restaurant. Or an 18s film. Or a Swans gig.

I do bring the kids to lots of places (restaurants, museums, daytime family concerts, cultural stuff) but it's a totally different thing to doing stuff for adults, as adults.

Thursday, personally I wouldn't run a 10 mile race at all (but I wouldn't have done pre children either). I would, and do, visit art galleries, museums, go to concerts, have nice meals out, etc etc all with my family who are, actually, precisely the people I want to share these things with.

FlopismyMantra Good for you keep on keeping on.

My 9 year old has been to many a nice restaurant and loved it.

Flop i am so glad that you and your dc had a great time. You are right that the only opinions that matter are the ones in your own family. Good for you to go and have some healthy and well deserved "frivolous" time. There is nothing wrong with recharging bateries!

If DH and I were sing or kerp, which we aren't, thank fuck, we would have missed one of DH's oldest friends's wedding (God, I bet both of you are a peach on the child free wedding threads) and various friends (adult) birthday parties. Presumably you both turn down that kind of thing? I should say that on these occasions it's ususlly a grandma babysitting (MIL comes from quite some distance to babysit, both she and DD love it). But how sad to miss out on friends celebrations. And we would have missed out on seeing done amazing films, we do watch most at home, but you're not telling me that films like Interstellar aren't better on the big screen.

You had me till you mentioned Interstellar RiverTam.....terrible film!

River- my friends and family were all married and had kids before our kids were born so it has never been an issue for us.

Look, sing: I mean this kindly. If your definition of 'having a lovely time' for the past 9 years and next 9 years is subconsciously defined as 'being with DH and the kids', then you might be in for some emotional upset down the road. Even assuming that your DD is quite happy to still accompany her parents up until she's 18, she'll probably head off then and you'll feel bereft because you won't be able to recall anything fun in the past 18 years that hasn't included her.

Maybe it would be good to have a few child-free outings as a sort of practice, so that you can remind yourself when the time comes (and it will come eventually) that you can enjoy yourself when they aren't there and that their presence, whilst it greatly enhances the joy of an outing, is not essential to it. Obviously it's a bit more tricky right now with a 10mo baby, but a few years down the line. Just please don't unconsiously train yourself into being unable to be happy when they're not there.

Hmm I think most parents have had to leave their child crying at one point. I know I have everytime my son goes to his nan's so I can go hospital appointments/work/uni lectures etc. I have also left him to go to date nights.

However I only leave him with family and I know he is fine after 5 mins. Not sure if I could leave him in a crèche at 7 months but then myself and my oh don't like nurseries/childminding. We have purposely worked opposite shifts since our son was born so as to avoid childcare.

If the crèche is the only way for you to get an hour in the gym, and you feel confident in the staff then do it without guilt.

Some would do it and others wouldn't.

"My 9 year old has been to many a nice restaurant and loved it."

My 5 year old has too (we certainly don't just restrict ourselves to 'family' restaurants when eating out en famille) but I'm still not taking him for the tasting menu at the Fat Duck or whatever. a)Because he wouldn't appreciate it and b)because I enjoy occasionally having a meal with only adult conversation and not having to worry about someone spilling their drink/being bored/needing to be accompanied to the loo/starting a breadstick fight with their brother/refusing to eat stuff that I know he likes/"why can't I play on your phone?"/etc.

Wise words LadyPlump.

do it! I would have, if I'd had the money.