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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To put dd 7m into nursery so I can go to the gym?

785 replies

Vijac · 22/06/2015 11:00

I've just started putting her in for an hour two times a week. The first sessions were ok but today at her 4th session her face just crumpled when I said goodbye which wrenched my heart :(. She obviously realised I was leaving her. Am I mean putting her in just so I can go the gym. I just want to get fit and lose some weight finally. Will I damage her according to attachment parenting? Thanks.

OP posts:
Singsongsung · 24/06/2015 12:50

Let me clarify, there is no reason for a child to be in a pushchair unless they are going for a walk or are about to/are asleep. In fact, I would argue that it would be detrimental to the development of a 7 month old to be strapped in when they ought to be developing their muscles.
No, we don't use childcare to go out. Haven't done in 9 years. Never. Not once. We've been together for 20 years, happily married for 15. I think we're doing ok despite this. We have "couples time" every evening from 8pm when both children are asleep.

Having children was a decision we made at a point in our lives when we were ready to forgo the other stuff to make a priority of them. I have the confidence in my parenting to admire those who are able to look after their children exclusively as we did for dd1. I absolutely think it's the best thing for them. We don't quite have that luxury now but minimise nursery time as much as possible.
I wonder how many of those who use childcare for socialising/the gym etc etc also use it for work?

MitzyLeFrouf · 24/06/2015 12:52

No, we don't use childcare to go out. Haven't done in 9 years. Never. Not once.

How desperately sad.

OnlyLovers · 24/06/2015 12:54

keep,

She has a small baby who cries when left at the creche.
Quite a different thing.

Are you willing to entertain the idea that, as lots of people have suggested on here, babies may well stop crying once distracted by something new? Or do you genuinely and exclusively believe that any cry at all is a sign of distress that goes beyond being momentary and is a sign of real trauma/damage?

Singsong, it would be detrimental to the development of a 7 month old to be strapped in when they ought to be developing their muscles

It's for TWO HOURS.

I wonder how many of those who use childcare for socialising/the gym etc etc also use it for work?

Your point is ...?

Singsongsung · 24/06/2015 12:54

He he. I can assure you we're not sad at all. After 20 years together we are in a very very stable marriage and we enjoy our quiet evenings in. It's lovely actually.

Singsongsung · 24/06/2015 12:56

Only lovers- my point is we're talking for some about an amount of hours in childcare during working hours plus additional time for the gym, me time, couples time, reading a book time, random other time when being around your children gets too much etc etc. It's an awful lot of time...

OnlyLovers · 24/06/2015 13:01

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MitzyLeFrouf · 24/06/2015 13:02

As I said way back you're patently eaten up with guilt that your second child is in full-time childcare whereas your first was looked after at home. Hence the digs at other mothers and proudly wearing the badge of honour of never having left your children with anyone else in nine years.

Your child is in full time child-care. It's okay.

OurGlass · 24/06/2015 13:04

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Singsongsung · 24/06/2015 13:04

Is that not what "me time" amounts to? Is it not about saying I need some space from others.
I have reported your comment. I do find the level of aggression telling from some here. If you are utterly sure that you are right and others are wrong, why the need to be so aggressive?

Singsongsung · 24/06/2015 13:05

My second child isn't in full time childcare. She goes two days a week. Hardly full time.

OurGlass · 24/06/2015 13:06

People are probably feeling aggressive because you can't articulate what you are saying in a sensitive manner.

OnlyLovers · 24/06/2015 13:09

No, I don't think I'm right and you're wrong, Singsong, I just really really don't appreciate the passive-aggressive tone and holier-than-thou sentiments you and the other judgemental types on here are using.

Thanks, OurGlass.

keeptothewhiteline · 24/06/2015 13:09

singsong- our family are the same.
WE have been perfectly able to enjoy a wonderful loving relationship without the need to go out on the piss together.
We love socialising as a family, with others, we have had a very active social life that we all have enjoyed, grown ups and children.

MitzyLeFrouf · 24/06/2015 13:10

So two days a week then. You're clearly not comfortable with it. I think you need to accept it and move on. And realise that the care she receives when you're in work isn't any different to the care another child receives because their parent is playing tennis/attending an art class/meeting a friend for a coffee on a Wednesday morning.

keeptothewhiteline · 24/06/2015 13:10

ourglass- some victim blaming here.

" It's your fault we are aggressive". Hmm

MitzyLeFrouf · 24/06/2015 13:11

WE have been perfectly able to enjoy a wonderful loving relationship without the need to go out on the piss together.

On the piss? Who mentioned 'on the piss'?

OnlyLovers · 24/06/2015 13:11

WE have been perfectly able to enjoy a wonderful loving relationship without the need to go out on the piss together.

Another one. You are the gift that keeps on giving. How fucking dare you? 'out on the piss together.' Hmm

BTW, I'm not sure in what way you feel, Singsong, that my comments might be 'telling'; I have no children, therefore no childcare issues, therefore no horse in this race. I just don't like hearing people being so judged for making perfectly fine decisions.

OurGlass · 24/06/2015 13:11

We can enjoy a wonderful loving relationship in the home, socialising with our friends and children AND by going out on the piss. Ner ner ner ner ner!

OurGlass · 24/06/2015 13:12

You don't make any sense Keep.

Writerwannabe83 · 24/06/2015 13:13

"Me Time" is not about the children being too much, it's just about wanting some time to yourself to rejuvenate.

My DH goes to the gym three times a week and goes to a sporting event every weekend. Is that allowed?

Why on earth should parents never do anything unless the child is with them?

I really don't understand this concept of never, ever leaving the child EVER in order to do something socially??

OurGlass · 24/06/2015 13:14

It must be so so so so so so dull to be with your family 24/7!

bakedappleflavour · 24/06/2015 13:14

My mother was left by my father when I was twelve. She was a nurse and had to work all hours to keep a roof over our heads. We had a babysitter sometimes but I have three younger siblings and sometimes - GASP - I was left alone with them to look after them! My mother did NOT spend every waking hour of her time with us!

Now I am a recovering heroin addict with no education and no job and I have major issues due to my mother's terrible neglect.

Oh no wait, I don't - I have a good degree, a good job and a fab relationship with my wonderful mum and my equally wonderful siblings.

Get a fucking grip singsong and others of your ilk and stop making judgments on other people's perfectly legitimate (and occasionally utterly necessary) choices.

If we're going to judge here I actually don't think it's good for children to have a parent who devotes 100% of their time towards them, it's healthy for children to see their parents having other interests besides them. But hey, you want to do that, that's up to you.

OP - YANBU. Go to the gym.

keeptothewhiteline · 24/06/2015 13:15

Why on earth should parents never do anything unless the child is with them?

You are missing the point.
I continued exercise classes without my kids while my babies were very young.

I just didn't leave them crying in a creche.

OnlyLovers · 24/06/2015 13:17

I just didn't leave them crying in a creche.

keep, I've asked already, but I'll repeat it; could you please address the question?

Are you willing to entertain the idea that, as lots of people have suggested on here, babies may well stop crying once distracted by something new? Or do you genuinely and exclusively believe that any cry at all is a sign of distress that goes beyond being momentary and is a sign of real ongoing trauma/damage?

keeptothewhiteline · 24/06/2015 13:19

I don't care onlyLovers.

I do know that I don't leave my crying babies in the care of others and walk away.