To put dd 7m into nursery so I can go to the gym?

[Vijac]

I've just started putting her in for an hour two times a week. The first sessions were ok but today at her 4th session her face just crumpled when I said goodbye which wrenched my heart :(. She obviously realised I was leaving her. Am I mean putting her in just so I can go the gym. I just want to get fit and lose some weight finally. Will I damage her according to attachment parenting? Thanks.

When I think about how the rest of the world treats children - how kids and babies in poorer countries are starved of food, attention and facilities - I find it very hard to take all this agonising seriously. If I were as intensely invested in my children as some mothers seem to be, then I think my heart would break from thinking of the millions of babies who don't have that so-called vital early input. Since a great many of those babies/children grow up to be perfectly functional and in some cases high-achieving adults, I can't bring myself to take all the hyperbole to heart.

There is a middle ground of caring for your children, loving and supporting them yet maintaining a part of the life you had before childbirth, which comes in between neglecting them entirely and never being parted from them. DH defines it as 'Good Enough' parenting. I agree.

In summary, you should go to the gym op :)

Neither of us would dream of using a crèche to allow us to do our own thing

I would be amazed if anyone using a crèche at a gym would take anywhere near as much care- presumably it's just the one that happens to be at their gym.
I would be appalled if my daughter spent any time in a pushchair

Oh look just sod off with your holier-than-thou Perfect Martyr Parent thing.

Neither of us would dream of using a crèche to allow us to do our own thing
Does this also include getting a baby sitter for couples date night or movie? Family time, couples time and me time are important imo.

Thinking about it, most of the time that both DS went to the crèche while I was at the gym it was mis morning so that it was their nap time so they didn't even notice I wasn't there!

It was easy to peak in when I was still a bit nervous of them going between session on the rower and I could see everything was ok.

Once DS2 started going down with something so they came for me and I just finished my gym time there and then and gave him a cuddle and then took hi home to his bed.

What on earth do these people who think letting them out of your sight for an hour here and there is going to do them? I say this, as I've said further down the thread as a mothers of two great teen sons who are doing great with their lives ( more confident and clued up than I was at that their age).

The idea that the specific motivation for making use of a child care facility has anything at all to do with whether or not the child will be ok within that environment and 'damaged' or not long term is utterly laughable. So illogical is it that I am loath to even waste my time trying to engage with someone who espouses such a ridiculously blinkered view. So I'm not going to.

OP, I'm going to reiterate again that it's absolutely fine for you to take time out to ensure that your own needs are met. You will be a happier and more healthy person which in turn will benefit your child in many ways.

If I am really honest, I would say that I am a recovering, failed attachment parent. I tried it but could never measure up.

No one was ever directly rude, but you you just knew that you didn't measure up. It was all 'oh, well, I would never do that...but if thats your choice...' and 'well, if we can do it, then anyone can', all very snide and insidious (just like the comments on here), you could never pin anyone down because they would just say 'oh, but I didn't actually say that you were bad, I just said that we hadn't chose to do it that way'.

It wasn't just me either, I have 2 other freinds who didn't get out of that circle as quickly as I did and the wore themselves into a guilty heap.

I have seen some crazy and sadly down right dangerous stuff go on in the name of attachment parenting.

My 'recovery' has involved me not dismissing the local creche at the gym as obviously sub standard because it is at gym and giving it a try. Turns out that the staff are lovely and on the one occasion when DS was unhappy they came and got me instantly. The place is spotless and the staff really care about what they do.

The whole AP thing does get into your head though, I still hate DS being in a pushchair, I will do anything to avoid it!

I think too many people on here are confusing leaving a child at nursery to go to work (often unavoidable if you want to give your children any sort of quality of life in this day and age) and leaving them to go to the gym.

There's no confusion at all. It's the same thing. Your child has no idea whether you're out digging at the coal face or living it up at Gala Bingo. So for you to adopt an air of superiority over someone who's child is in childcare for two hours a week is laughable.

I've missed something.
What's all this 'leaving them in a pushchair' buisness?

What's all this 'leaving them in a pushchair' business?

The OPs baby cried, so the creche staff put her in her pushchair and pushed her to and fro to see if that would help. Some posters thought that was dreadful, and another pointed out that this often helps because the pushchair is familiar to the baby. Others went on to assume that all babies do when they go to gym creche is sit in rows, in their pushchairs.

whathavei the OP's baby was crying so the gym creche people suggested leaving her in the pushchair becuase it was familiar and known. The OP didn't say how long for, so it could have been for 5 mins or (worst case) for the whole hour.

A quick pop back after 15 minutes would sort out which it was, 5 mins or 55 :)

all very snide and insidious Yes to this.

Other than that, agreed with ladyplumpington. what a fuss over a small thing.

I don't really care about attachment parenting either way, although I don't have the choice about trying it if I wanted to and I really don't like the snide, smug, insidious, judgemental tone of voice that some people adopt. Do kind of feel sorry for kids of such unpleasant parents :P

I am going to go further and say that mothers have a responsibility to leave their children with other people for an hour or two here and there, so that if something happens to the mother, for example an emergency hospital admission, the child is not massively traumatised by being left with another carer.

The key thing is making sure that this is done carefully and sympathetically so the quality of the care is good, and the people you leave the child with sufficiently loving.

I've been a terrible mother today!!

I have sent DS to the childminder for 10 whole hours even though I'm not at work today.

I've had a leisurely morning of slobbing out in the sofa catching up on Holby City, then I popped into town and had a nice drink at Costa. I'm now back home, enjoying a cup of tea in silence and then I plan to go and relax in the garden all afternoon because the weather is beautiful over here.

It does feel weird being at home without DS but by God, I need a "me" day

I have sent my children to SCHOOL all day even though I am a qualified teacher, and here I am having a coffee break and pissing about on MN. shoot me now.

They didn't used to like school but they have Stockholm Syndrome now so i am in the clear.

Yes, that was part of my thinking too Boffin. I didn't want the kids to be made even more distressed by the presence of an unknown carer if anything awful happened - I wanted that buffer in place to minimise further upset.

Plus it meant I got a day off from them now and then

boffin - you mean you aren't working from home and home educating her??!! Dearie me....

I know, off they go in a herd with 30 other children every day to be thoroughly institutionalised. Amazing any of them grow up normal/with creative skills/able to entertain themselves/climb trees/able to make own decisions.

I am at home cleaning and packing while my son is in nursery. Tomorrow I am off to a festival and leaving him with his Dad all weekend (the horror)
I'm a children's social worker- you want to see bad parenting I will show it to you seven days a week. Leaving your child in a safe place to have some time to yourself is not bad parenting.
so called "attachment parents" really really piss me off (can you tell?!)

wherethewildthingis I'm going to report you... To you! Disgraceful parenting the lot of you.

RE: the pushchair, I would think it was an odd idea, but if that helps her initially to settle, why not? There isn't a lot of difference between being in a pushchair (comfy/familiar surroundings) and being in a bouncy chair or something in reality. And presumably they would take her out and cuddle her/put her on the floor with toys at any point if she shows a desire for that, which I am sure she will in no time.

What's more, I am quite sure that if OP asked that they don't leave her in the pushchair they just wouldn't! This whole 'I researched my childcare to the nth degree' thing – yes, most parents do this when they are leaving their child all day while working, and it is very worthwhile. But we are talking TWO HOURS here, ffs, with experienced individuals, in a room which is very close to where the OP will be, working out. There's no need to make it sound like the DD is being put in a gulag.

OP really don't worry, keep going, it is likely she will settle nicely within the next few sessions. Two hours is no time at all.

Ha Miss Banana, I shall enjoy inspecting my own cupboards!

I've not RTFT but of course it is ok to take time out for yourself.

Where does it say in the mummy manual that once you become a mum you are no longer allowed to do anything at all for yourself?

Those who think otherwise shouldn't be posting on MN should they? Hope you've not watched TV or read a book recently either...

I wonder if dads ever have this "dilemma" or indeed receive any comments one way or the other.

Where does it say in the mummy manual that once you become a mum you are no longer allowed to do anything at all for yourself?

That is not what the OP is talking about though..

She has a small baby who cries when left at the creche.
Quite a different thing.

I think it's exactly the same thing.