To put dd 7m into nursery so I can go to the gym?

[Vijac]

I've just started putting her in for an hour two times a week. The first sessions were ok but today at her 4th session her face just crumpled when I said goodbye which wrenched my heart :(. She obviously realised I was leaving her. Am I mean putting her in just so I can go the gym. I just want to get fit and lose some weight finally. Will I damage her according to attachment parenting? Thanks.

Because it sounds as though the two hours a week she wants to spend at the gym will be good for the OP's wellbeing. She matters too.

No, not just in my opinion. The vast vast vast majority of children who whinge for a few minutes when being dropped off at nursery, go on to be very secure, attached and well adjusted human beings. And those who don't do so, don't because of other complex reasons, not because their parents left them crying at nursery drop off sometimes.

In fact, when they look at attachment, isnt one of the markers for a 'securely attached' child that they get briefly upset when their primary caregiver leaves them, but quickly gets over it?

I bet your kids would cry if they had to read this thread. This bunfight is making me want to bawl my bloody eyes out.

OP I am in exactly the same predicament as you. I have a 3.5 DD and a 16 month old DS. I have dedicated the last 8 years to my children, the 1st 4 spent having fertility treatment, miscarriages, losing babies and then once DD arrived I had the emotional turmoil of feeling like I had cheated fate to have her and so should spend every waking moment with her. fe outside my children and it's got to the point where it's not health.My evenings are spent planning and preparing 'educational activities' for the next day and cooking wholesome meals from scratch. I am constantly striving to be this 'perfect' mum that I see on TV and read about on Mumsnet and always feel guilty about failing.

I have now hit 16 stone, am very unhealthy and will probably die young if I carry on like this. I need to get fit for all our sakes. Therefore I have put the children in nursery for 2x3 hours a week whilst I go to the gym. They cry. And I feel awful and guilty about it but it's better than the alternative I think.

Could you visit the gym in the evening? Do you have an OH? I exercised when the kids were young ( and still do).

Sometimes, after looking after 2 children all day from 6am, you are just too knackered to get yourself down the gym once they are in bed.

Am not sure how much of that was aimed at me, but am pretty sure I haven't mentioned arses or bollocks.

strokethefurrywall

Good for you Country, sounds like time spent that will benefit the whole family.

Oh lord, this is still going. Some of you have more bunfight stamina than I do!

op, you know your daughter best. I'd give her a chance to get used to the creche; make it a regular occurence and talk to her about it when you're not there. If she's still unhappy after a month then maybe consider making different plans.

Peace out

lady- I am not sure how much of a conversation about creche arrangements you can have with a 7 month old baby.

Did you not talk to your babies then keep?

OP can at least discern if the word 'creche' or 'gym' makes baby smile or not. IME talking about things positively and seeding keywords such as names of nursery workers and the location was quite sufficient for my kids to grasp what was going on from an early age. They'd consistently smile and wave frantically if nursery was mentioned.

Flicking back on the last few pages of this thread, I'm struck by this modern day notion that mothers must sacrifice their every need to devote themselves entirely to their child during all waking hours.

Basically how utterly daft this thinking is.

In becoming mothers, we don't cease to become humans. We still have our own fundamental human needs, which often include things like exercising or engaging our brains. The idea that the OP feels the need to seek permission to leave her baby (with a qualified, trusted minder) while she takes a few hours out to keep herself healthy & sane is actually staggering. The fact that some of you are refusing to give her that permission is just awful.

Previous generations didn't have to engage with this bollocks. The vast majority of mothers simply had too much to do, keeping a family clean, safe, warm, fed. More primitive (or indeed enlightened) societies had support systems in place to give new mothers a break (Naomi Woolf has some great material on this). Aristocratic mothers often farmed out their babies to local wet nurses for years, not taking them back to the family home until 4/5. Not saying we should go back to this practice by the way but it makes the following point ...

We've turned out generations and generations of predominately happy, well adjusted human beings. Short periods of separation from mummy at 7 months do not have catastrophic consequences.

I think we need to give ourselves a break - and our asses down to the gym for those who are so inclined.

Why do people keep bringing up "modern day" Western mothering like it's a bad thing?

Would anyone rather be raising their children in the Victorian era or in Afghanistan? Thought not.

No but they might rather be raising them in a time before motherhood had become quite so fetishised.

Country: good for you. Your dc need a happy and healthy mum not a perfect mum (if there is even such thing). Like you, i am so tired in the evenings that doing anything other than crawl into bed is unthinkable.

Fetishised is indeed the word, Mitzy. It's noticably not the same for fathers, despite the best efforts of the advertising industry.

A night's sleep has renewed my argumentative debating vigour

I am fervently anti-nursery and I can't see a problem with two hours a week for a 7 month old!

Agreed Meerka. I'm not sure how anyone could seriously be so antagonistic!

I would say that it is a natural response to an upset baby who doesn't want to be left and I wouldn't ignore my baby's cries of distress.

'cries of distress' is unnecessarily emotive and implies that the baby will keep crying and being 'distressed' the whole time it's at the nursery.

Loads of people have been on here saying that yes, babies may cry when they're left at nursery, but as soon as their parent leaves/they spot something interesting they stop.

Your choice of words and your tone, keep, do not tally with your claims that you're only giving your opinion and other people's choices are fine too. You sound judgemental every time you post.

I think too many people on here are confusing leaving a child at nursery to go to work (often unavoidable if you want to give your children any sort of quality of life in this day and age) and leaving them to go to the gym. People are tarring all men with a brush of disinterest which I find very sad.

In our home we share the responsibility. Neither of us would dream of using a crèche to allow us to do our own thing- regardless of what that "thing" was.
When I chose a nursery for my daughter, I looked at several, read Ofsted reports, spoke to friends for references etc etc. I would be amazed if anyone using a crèche at a gym would take anywhere near as much care- presumably it's just the one that happens to be at their gym.
I would be appalled if my daughter spent any time in a pushchair, other than when our for walks or when asleep.

Singsongsung
I think too many people on here are confusing leaving a child at nursery to go to work (often unavoidable if you want to give your children any sort of quality of life in this day and age) and leaving them to go to the gym.

It doesn't matter. OP said way up thread that she was feeling down and thought getting fitter and being around other adults would help. Cue a load of tosh about how some people would never leave a baby crying to do something for themselves well that's fine and dandy for them but may well have made OP feel worse and will those posters be on hand to offer practical help if OP's "feeling down" develops into something worse?

Mine threw a tantrum when I went to pick him up from childcare the other day, as he was having too much fun. So I guess I should have just left him there, not to distress him?