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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To put dd 7m into nursery so I can go to the gym?

785 replies

Vijac · 22/06/2015 11:00

I've just started putting her in for an hour two times a week. The first sessions were ok but today at her 4th session her face just crumpled when I said goodbye which wrenched my heart :(. She obviously realised I was leaving her. Am I mean putting her in just so I can go the gym. I just want to get fit and lose some weight finally. Will I damage her according to attachment parenting? Thanks.

OP posts:
Nolim · 23/06/2015 21:13

Keep for the sake of the argument if a motivated parent does not want to employ childcare, but needs the income to put food on the table ( several posters in that situation have posted already) and their job is nurse, teacher or zoo keeper so they cannot dictate their own hours, what would you suggest they do?

Meerka · 23/06/2015 21:14

Its fine to want that. it's nice. Lots of parents do, whether they are able to or not.

Unfortunately the way you've put things does come over as smug and sometimes, as onlylovers said, as bitchy. There's been little acknowledgement that some people can't do that.

Writerwannabe83 · 23/06/2015 21:14

Of course it's not bad, but you seem to think that life really can be as easy as just moving house and changing jobs in order to be a SAHP.

Did you make all those changes prior to TTC?

keeptothewhiteline · 23/06/2015 21:15

I haven't personally insulted anyone on this thread.
I have been insulted several times however.

Perhaps some of the posters here need to change their attitudes.....

Writerwannabe83 · 23/06/2015 21:16

You haven't personally insulted anyone, yet you have still managed to insult a large proportion of us with your tone, manner and implications.

keeptothewhiteline · 23/06/2015 21:17

But Nolim- I was in that position.

I loved my job. I had planned to take 6 weeks off work and even had a nursery booked.
THe moment my first baby was born it was obvious that was not going to happen.
It was in those first few months that we made the big changes necessary to enable me to stay with my baby full time.

LaurieMarlow · 23/06/2015 21:21

So Keep, can't you be happy about your choices without making others feel bad about theirs?

GreenAugustLion · 23/06/2015 21:23

Looking after my own children was a huge priority for me, but it isn't for everyone

I think keep is having a hard time of it tbh and I think ^ that is a fair enough, and accurate comment to make.

Looking after the dc 100% of the time is a priority for some, clearly.

For others, it's not. It's not for me. My children are my priority, but that does not extend to looking after them myself all of the time. I'm quite happy for them to go to their fabulous cm two nights a week.

If people are reading smugness into the comment I always feel that says more about their insecurities tbh.

vvega · 23/06/2015 21:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Whathaveilost · 23/06/2015 21:26

^Looking after my own children was a huge priority for me, but it isn't for everyone

Gotta love statements like this! As if the rest of us don't give a shit!

keeptothewhiteline · 23/06/2015 21:26

If others choose to feel bad about their choices that is up to them.
They are in charge of their own feelings.

THe OP asked a simple question and has been given a range of answers.
She feels her heart is "wrenched" at leaving her baby. I would say that it is a natural response to an upset baby who doesn't want to be left and I wouldn't ignore my baby's cries of distress.
Others are telling her to ignore her feelings and get on with the gym because it is good for her.

The OP canvassed opinion- and got some answers. Just because you don't like my view doesn't mean it is invalid, and why some think it is an attack on their parenting skills is silly.

keeptothewhiteline · 23/06/2015 21:27

*For others, it's not. It's not for me. My children are my priority, but that does not extend to looking after them myself all of the time. I'm quite happy for them to go to their fabulous cm two nights a week.

If people are reading smugness into the comment I always feel that says more about their insecurities tbh.*

Well said.

vvega · 23/06/2015 21:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MitzyLeFrouf · 23/06/2015 21:31

Ugh. Enough with the sniffy, passive aggressive comments.

I bet you show more respect to your artisan sausage rolls than you do to other people's choices.

solidarityplease · 23/06/2015 21:33

My God, I do get so tired of reading threads like these and ending up feeling shitty about myself.

If you are lucky enough to BE ABLE to make these big changes that meant you could stay at home and care for your children, you really need to acknowledge that for exactly what it is.
You are fortunate. Some people are stuck in situations where the childcare arrangements they desire are just not possible, no matter how motivated they are or whatever else.

I'm one of those people. I HAVE to work to pay the bills. If we downsized any more we would live in a shed. I CANNOT be a SAHM. We have explored every possibility, believe me.

I already have to live with the daily guilt that I am leaving my child with someone else 3 days a week, while I am teaching other people's children. I still cry about it a year on after maternity leave.
I don't need it insinuated that I'm not motivated enough to change this. I'm doing my fucking best to get by.

keeptothewhiteline · 23/06/2015 21:33

I bet you show more respect to your artisan sausage rolls than you do to other people's choices.

Ugh. Enough with the sniffy, passive aggressive comments.

NoStannisNo · 23/06/2015 21:35

Walking away from a crying child at a nursery drop off or similar does not 'break their trust'. What a load of old arsebollocks.

keeptothewhiteline · 23/06/2015 21:44

In your opinion.

vvega · 23/06/2015 21:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

keeptothewhiteline · 23/06/2015 21:56

vvege- you know nothing about my relationship with my children.
And presumptious of you to suggest that you know so much about 99% of other children too.
My kids cried very little. Only if in pain or ill.

tilder · 23/06/2015 21:58

There you go again with 'in your opinion'. Yes, that is sort if comment people object to. It's designed to antagonise.

FWIW I'm very Hmm at the perfect recall of what life is like at home with young children, trying to hold down a full time job with no childcare. Given that said children are 18 years old.

Lovely. Glad you enjoyed it. Hope your kids did too.

keeptothewhiteline · 23/06/2015 21:59

tilder- What a load of old arsebollocks. and that isn't designed to antagonise?

TalkinPeace · 23/06/2015 22:00

solidarity please do not let this thread (and others like it) get you down.
Most of it is piffle that posters would never dare say to your face Smile

SaucyJack · 23/06/2015 22:00

"If we avoided everything that made dc cry we'd never leave the house."

Well of course we would, because they grow out of it as they mature and develop the understanding that you're leaving them with nice people and will be back soon at their own pace.

My 15-month old does not have the skills to understand it in the same way that my 8 and 10 year old have done for years, which is why we're putting off leaving her with babysitting until she does.

Honestly, it's no great sacrifice to stay with her until she's happy to be left. The gym can wait. What's the rush?

vvega · 23/06/2015 22:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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