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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To put dd 7m into nursery so I can go to the gym?

785 replies

Vijac · 22/06/2015 11:00

I've just started putting her in for an hour two times a week. The first sessions were ok but today at her 4th session her face just crumpled when I said goodbye which wrenched my heart :(. She obviously realised I was leaving her. Am I mean putting her in just so I can go the gym. I just want to get fit and lose some weight finally. Will I damage her according to attachment parenting? Thanks.

OP posts:

TalkinPeace · 23/06/2015 12:47

FWIW I'm an accountant.

When my kids were little I worked around them, not going out on site unless DH could cover - keying tax returns while breastfeeding became a skill.
As the kids got older and started school I took on more work.
My work is seasonal - I'm very lucky to not have to work in August.
But my kids have learned that I had a life before them and I'll have a life when they leave home.

And my gym habit is not something I'm willing to give up as it keeps me healthy and sane.

Waiting at the creche door because DS and his friends refused to leave till they finished playing trains was one of my funniest memories of that time.

Meerka · 23/06/2015 13:02

yeah, you know your small one is happy when he refuses to get out of his crocodile suit and starts throwing a tantrum because he wants to stay there! :) (bit older though)

OnlyLovers · 23/06/2015 13:19

Haven't RTFT but this gem stands out: Looking after my own children was a huge priority for me, but it isn't for everyone.

What a bitchy commnet.

OP, ignore the sanctimony and keep going to your gym sessions. You'll be healthier, fitter and more energetic and saner for it. All great things for your child.

Strokethefurrywall · 23/06/2015 14:16

I know OnlyLovers I guffawed at that one!!

Looking after my children is so far down on my list of priorities. You know, after my career, my figure, and my social life. Its a wonder how my poor neglected babies haven't withered up against my selfish needs.

But as a mother of 2 boys, I'm not raising them to believe the world revolves around them, I'm raising them to excel in either golf and tennis so their dad and I can retire in peace at 50

OnlyLovers · 23/06/2015 14:35

That's a good plan, Stroke.

liquoricetwirl · 23/06/2015 15:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

tilder · 23/06/2015 15:11

Yes keep. It is difficult to understand how anyone can provide quality parenting full time to two children while simultaneously delivering 30 plus hours a week of quality work for a decent wage.

My house felt like a zoo this morning. Not sure I could make a career out of it though.

tilder · 23/06/2015 16:09

I should add, especially given the age of your children (not sure cbeebies was around then? )

TalkinPeace · 23/06/2015 16:56

CBeebies used to be one hour a day, between 9 and 10 on BBC2.
Thank goodness for video recorders.
My kids could watch The Shiny Show back to back for hours

harshbuttrue1980 · 23/06/2015 17:45

To me, there is a difference between leaving your child when you have to and just to do something pleasurable. I'm a working single mum (teacher), and I use childcare when I work to pay the bills. And, for sure, my DD is with me the rest of the time. i think its selfish to leave your child in childcare for things like gym, manicures etc.

HOWEVER, I can't say that it actually HARMS the child. My DD has always been in childcare since my mat leave ended because I need to work to put food on the table. She isn't damaged, and would be a lot more damaged if I had been on benefits. Therefore, as someone who put their child in childcare for 9 hours a day, I can't say that I think that two hours a week would be damaging. So, I don't think its ideal or the warmest sort of parenting, but I doubt it will lead to long-term trauma. Part of my judgement would also depend on how much time is actually spent with the child - a Sahm who does this is still spending lots of time with their child, but someone juggling work and a social life probably needs to spend the rest of their time with their child to make sure there is a bond.

However, I do think the OP should choose better childcare - being strapped in a buggy for an hour is not on.

OnlyLovers · 23/06/2015 17:51

i think its selfish to leave your child in childcare for things like gym, manicures etc.

a Sahm who does this is still spending lots of time with their child, but someone juggling work and a social life probably needs to spend the rest of their time with their child to make sure there is a bond

Right. Thanks for that useful guidance.

MitzyLeFrouf · 23/06/2015 17:52

I don't think its ideal or the warmest sort of parenting, but I doubt it will lead to long-term trauma.

Oh yes it's right up there with aristocratic Victorian parents seeing their children for half an hour every second Sunday.

You sound like another one who has unresolved guilt over their child being in full-time childcare.

OurGlass · 23/06/2015 18:00

i think its selfish to leave your child in childcare for things like gym, manicures etc

I'm very surprised a teacher would say something so narrow minded. I hope you're not teaching my primary aged child.

ghostyslovesheep · 23/06/2015 18:02

i think its selfish to leave your child in childcare for things like gym, manicures etc don't YOU do it then :)

tilder · 23/06/2015 18:09

Hours of work completed then talkinpeace while your children were occupied!

liquoricetwirl · 23/06/2015 18:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Marynary · 23/06/2015 18:21

It isn't selfish to leave your baby/toddler in childcare to go to the gym etc if they enjoy it (as many do). If they are distressed by it then I agree that it is quite selfish.

SaucyJack · 23/06/2015 18:23

I'm not clueless and nor do I live in a "rosy-tinted" world. I just wouldn't leave a young baby somewhere that distressed them if it wasn't necessary.

If you're happy with your own choices, why the need to insult women who make other choices for their own children?

Strokethefurrywall · 23/06/2015 18:27

Rahahahahahahahahaha!! Comedy gold by harshbuttrue1980 there.

"...but someone juggling work and a social life probably needs to spend the rest of their time with their child to make sure there is a bond."

Alas my bond with my children is so strong I come to work to escape them.

Strokethefurrywall · 23/06/2015 18:32

And harshbuttrue1980 is your opinion the same of dads, or is selfish parenting the sole rule of mothers?

Nolim · 23/06/2015 18:43

Is it selfish for a couple of parents to get someone to babysit and go for an ocasional movie or a nice meal?

SaucyJack · 23/06/2015 18:52

Entirely depends if the baby is happy with who they're being left with Nolim.

liquoricetwirl · 23/06/2015 18:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GreenAugustLion · 23/06/2015 18:59

I wouldn't put a child in a nursery for an hour here or there.

A nursery is a completely alien environment to a young child...going into a building/room full of other kids and multiple members of staff.

If they're in there regularly, for full or half days a few times a week then I imagine they get used to it quite quickly but 2 hours a week won't get them used to it, or comfortable being there. There could be a different staff member each time, no time to form an attachment to someone etc etc.

In your position op, ad hoc care for the odd hour a couple of times a week I'd definitely be looking for a childminder. One person who the baby can get to know, in a home environment with 'familiar' things all around.

Whathaveilost · 23/06/2015 19:17

How the hell did my kids get to the age of 19 and 16 and still have a great relationship with me and their dad when I went to work and on my mat leave left them in the crèche for 2 hours x4 a week while I went to the gym.

Ds1 shouldn't be working and having a steady girlfriend that we often go out with. DS2 shouldn't be doing well with his exams and planning Uni after he goe to college one should he go to the pictures or meals out with us because he enjoys our company.

OH no, they should have attachment issues and make no effort with their lives and then blame me ( not dad by the look of it) because I did other things apart from care for them, spend time with them, look after them, have fun and did lots of activities. How dare I not only go to the gym and work but sometime I even went out with my friends and a couple of times a year went on holiday with my friends without them ( dad did a stealing job btw)

A lot of self righteous, smug piffle going on here!

I went back to work because I didn't want to leave myself vulnerable if DH died or left me, or if DH lost his job. I also worked so that I could pay for my own pension, have my own savings and put money in the household pot for all of us. I went to the gym because I bloody loved it!

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