Page 14 | To put dd 7m into nursery so I can go to the gym?

Vijac · 2015-06-22T10:00:35+00:00

I've just started putting her in for an hour two times a week. The first sessions were ok but today at her 4th session her face just crumpled when I said goodbye which wrenched my heart :(. She obviously realised I was leaving her. Am I mean putting her in just so I can go the gym. I just want to get fit and lose some weight finally. Will I damage her according to attachment parenting? Thanks.

standingonlego · 22/06/2015 22:43

Oh OP, go to the gym. It is absolutely fine and the time just for you is essential for mental as well as physical health. Do not feel guilty, it is 1 hour a couple of time a week. Do not worry

Momagain1 · 22/06/2015 22:44

How is it horrible to leave the baby in a buggy for an hour, when the baby might well spend that much or more in the buggy on a long walk or if left to nap. How silly. Baby is sitting up where she can see and be seen, but feels safe in her own familiar spot with her blanket and whatever small toys you brought. They are interacting with her, but also letting her be, letting her observe. By the next visit or the one after, it will be familiar enough she might want down.

She will be fine. Babies have been left with people other than their mum from time to time for thousands of years. It is not at all the same as being left unattended and uncuddled for days, weeks or years on end. It isnt the same as being abandoned or orphaned. Its an hour or so in a different room of the same building, with attentive carers.

Attachment parenting turns the sad but common modern circumstance of parents with no one to turn to for assistance and support, no one to ever a relieve the constant attendence on the baby/children and turns it into an over the top expectation. Not only do you not have two grandmothers and numerous sisters and cousins and aunties to support you, you are brainwashed into thinking you shouldnt let them if you did, or seek out the closest equivalent in a creche or other care, lest your child experience temporary mild distress!

bluejeanswhiteshirt · 22/06/2015 22:45

I don't think OP gives a crap anymore!

MissBananaMama · 22/06/2015 22:46

I think you may be correct bluejeans she's probably hidden the thread!

Strokethefurrywall · 22/06/2015 22:48

OP, if it makes you feel any better, I went back to work full time at 16 weeks with both my kids and you know what I did in the week leading up to my return? Put them into childcare for a few hours so I could lie on the beach to top up my tan and get my hair and nails done. Do I feel bad? Do I fuck.

My kids are my world but my feelings and my wants don't cease to exist just because I pushed 2 6lb bowling balls out my vagina. I don't see anyone telling my husband that he should feel bad if he takes time out to go and play golf because one of our kids cries if he leaves the house.

Babies cry. Because they're babies. It's what they do. If I tied myself to them 24/7 just in case they whimpered, I'd never leave the house and I'd be a hot mess. And not in a good way.

Take the time for yourself, it will help you breathe and reboot and probably, like in my case, make you a more effective parent. Motherhood isn't supposed to be a prison sentence. And like I said on another thread, I don't do mother guilt. Its a wasted emotion, designed to prey on our fragile apparently hormonal state. Instead think about your decision rationally. Your baby is 7 months, a time of pretty normal separation anxiety - it is more than likely that your baby will cry for approximately 2 minutes and then a big shiny new toy will be waved in her/his face and POW, you'll have been forgotten

You will feel refreshed and invigorated from having some time to yourself where you can switch off and not have to think about if the baby has another tooth coming through, or if they've not hit a random milestone. Instead, you can get on a treadmill, plug in some ace music and pretend you're running down the beach in a stunning bikini whilst passers by quail at your beauty and running prowess.

It's ok to have time to yourself, whenever you need it. It is not selfish to still have your own plans. Your life doesn't stop just because you have become a parent.

Take that hour - maybe next week make it 2 hours and go and get a massage. It'll probably do you the world of good

Meerka · 22/06/2015 22:51

2 6lb bowling balls

stroke, it wasn't right of you to use them to knock down the skittles. Specially if you hogtied them first.

Original poster

Vijac · 22/06/2015 23:03

Thanks guys. This thread has confused me more than answered! One minute I'm nodding at leaving her in for longer and having me time. The next I'm thinking I've betrayed her trust and am being selfish. I think the overwhelming response is that it's no big deal. One of the two hours she goes with my first child 3.5 too so that can't be too bad for her either. When my parents are around I may ask them to help too.

OP posts:

LadyPlumpington · 22/06/2015 23:13

Oh she'll be fine in that case op - DS2 lived trying to follow his big brother around nursery when he first went!

Enjoy your gym time

MrsMook · 22/06/2015 23:13

I'm a nicer, better parent for a bit of personal space. Being fit makes me feel better about myself and gives me more energy to play with the DCs. When Ds2 was about 2 months old, I couldn't kick the ball to Dc1 without sharp pain, and I was gutted.

I keep the DCs in nursery in the holidays when it's not essential as I think it's positive for them and me, and one of the things I indulge in in that time is long runs.

YANBU

PuntasticUsername · 22/06/2015 23:25

I'm really really REALLY sorry for not RTFT, cos I hate when people don't RTFT, but...YANBU. It's not selfish to protect yourself, and your time, a bit to make sure your own needs are met. A few hours a week in nursery is nothing. NOTHING.

I love the oxygen mask analogy here - if you and your family are flying on a plane, there's some problem with the cabin atmosphere and the oxygen masks drop from the ceiling, you shouldn't under any circumstances put anyone else's mask on for them before you put yours on. You put your own mask on first, because you can't help anyone else if you're already unconscious.

Tessbrookes · 22/06/2015 23:26

Sharon- "wtf should they"?? Well, because they have children. Small, dependent people who they, in most cases, chose to bring into the world. Is that not reason enough to give up your social life for a few months/years??

How in the world is it a healthy attitude to have no life away from your child and tie yourself to them 24 7? That's not a healthy mindset to have for you OR your child.
How on earth are you going to cope when they go to nursery or school?!
FGS, putting your baby in a crèche for an hour or so a week isn't going to traumatise them or make you a bad mother for wanting an hour to yourself every so often!
Forgoing all sense of self when you become a mum is ridiculous. You can still be YOU and be there all the time for your child too.

tinymeteor · 22/06/2015 23:40

My goodness there is some self-righteous, passive-aggressive claptrap in this thread.

"YOU may feel comfortable with tethering your child to a rusty post while you go and get a manicure, but in MY family we are all tethered to that post together."

OP, you are right - the overwhelming answer is YANBU. At all.

Twowrongsdontmakearight · 22/06/2015 23:40

In answer to the OP, having read the vitriol on here, if you're honest with yourself what do you feel inside?
Your DD might be just fine a few minutes after you've gone or she might not. The only way to find out is to leave her, hang around outside for 10 mins then peep through and see how she's doing.
When I went back to work after DS1 he was left in a nursery. He cried every time I left but was fine within a few minutes. When I picked him up he finished what he was doing. DD was very different. She cried when I dropped her off and when I peeped through half an hour later she was still howling. When I picked her up at the end of the day she couldn't get our of there fast enough. Everyone said that she'd be fine and get used to it just like DS had. But it just didn't feel right. So we took the plunge (despite me earning far more than DH) and I became a SAHM. And bit by bit we went to play groups together and then at about 2 she started going to nursery once a week so I could learn Spanish. By then she was fine.

My point after all this? It could just be that DD is a bit young yet. Follow your instinct. All children are individuals, just like adults. You know your DD better than anyone on here.

Singsongsung · 22/06/2015 23:55

For the record, I don't consider myself to be an "attachment parent". I don't co sleep (risk of SIDS would never see me doing that) and I hate the concept of baby wearing (hate the phrase- it implies the baby is an accessory!).

In terms of how I will cope when my child goes to school, well my 9 year old already does and as I've previously said she and I both cope really well.

My baby does go to nursery- she does so when I'm at work (as stated previously too). She just doesn't go unless she needs to and my going to the gym isn't in my mind a need that justifies it.
I have a dh who is very much a part of the parenting of our children. It isn't unusual for this to be the case.

HolgerDanske · 22/06/2015 23:58

Wow what a load of tosh on this thread.

OP you are not being unreasonable. You do not have to justify why you dare to want an hour or two to yourself. You're a mother and your own person and having a child does not have to become the whole of your existence.

MissBananaMama · 23/06/2015 00:39

But Song you do consider yourself to be a better parent than someone who chooses to take some time for themselves now and again??

goodasitgets · 23/06/2015 01:50

I'm bemused by this whole thread
Both my parents worked full time in a 24/7 job. I had nannies, and went to nursery. I don't remember either, or actually have any memory before I was about 6. I really don't think an hour away is a problem

goodasitgets · 23/06/2015 01:51

I'm bemused by this whole thread
Both my parents worked full time in a 24/7 job. I had nannies, and went to nursery. I don't remember either, or actually have any memory before I was about 6. I really don't think an hour away is a problem

goodasitgets · 23/06/2015 01:51

I'm bemused by this whole thread
Both my parents worked full time in a 24/7 job. I had nannies, and went to nursery. I don't remember either, or actually have any memory before I was about 6. I really don't think an hour away is a problem

MitzyLeFrouf · 23/06/2015 01:58

What a load of old shit this thread is.

Go to the gym OP and have your two hours to yourself. Your wellbeing is important. Remember, you're a mother not a slave.

MitzyLeFrouf · 23/06/2015 02:00

Two hours a week?

Give me strength Mumsnet for you do test my patience so!

MitzyLeFrouf · 23/06/2015 02:01

Give me strength Mumsnet for you do test my patience so!

MitzyLeFrouf · 23/06/2015 02:14

Singsongsung it seems to me you're someone who feels guilty that their second born is in nursery when you didn't have to send your first and as a result are taking potshots at the OP to make yourself feel better.

PerspicaciaTick · 23/06/2015 02:19

OP - forget about attachment parenting and look into positive parenting instead...in which all members of the family are valued and treated respectfully including the mothers.
How can you even begin modelling normal, happy relationships and choices if you always place your own needs at the bottom of the heap?

Legwarmersforboys · 23/06/2015 02:31

Mine loves the Gym Crèche more than being at home. Sometimes it takes time for them to settle.