To put dd 7m into nursery so I can go to the gym?

[Vijac]

I've just started putting her in for an hour two times a week. The first sessions were ok but today at her 4th session her face just crumpled when I said goodbye which wrenched my heart :(. She obviously realised I was leaving her. Am I mean putting her in just so I can go the gym. I just want to get fit and lose some weight finally. Will I damage her according to attachment parenting? Thanks.

You're not offering an opinion.
You are asking people why they don't do things your way? Why don't people go in the evening? Why don't people do pramfit?
You are not saying 'well it's not for me because x y z but if it works for you great' you are hounding people asking why don't you....

Perhaps there is a gap in the market Meglet? A fit buggy class that is actually tough enough? Unfortunately those classes are indeed seriously lame.

Thank you for the kind words. My husband and I are working through this as much as we can. He is wonderful but we are here for his job so he has to go to work some times!

I tried exercise before dh left in the mornings but with kids waking all night it was interrupting what sleep I was getting. DD is ebf and feeds for hours in the evening. Plus to be honest I need so time for myself.

Today is my first day to put the kids in care so this touched a nerve.

Thank you again for the support. Am going to name change now, a bit embarrassed I shared so much info.

can you accept that for some people, having children and being with them makes them fulfilled and that actually, you're a damn lucky child if you are the child of a parent who feels that way.

I think that you and your dc are lucky if you get the arrangement you prefer regarding sah/wpt/wft. For some ppl there is no choice: they have to work to pay the bills even if they preffer to sah, and some parents have to work even if they dont want to because childcare is unaffordable.

Children of happy parents are damn lucky. I hope we all can agree on that.

flop it will get better, honestly. Just keep going.

there's quite a lot of room between "some change in life" and "child IS my life from now on". I personally would not have wanted to be the sole reason of existence for my own parents.

I completely agree, hazlenutt. My mother had minimal social skills and so channelled all her energy into us, her children, for one year while she was unemployed. Christ it was horrible - I was the much older one and so everything I did was obsessively scrutinised. It was beyond claustrophobic and I was so happy when she went back to work. Through the rest of my childhood I never failed to appreciate how much joy she and our dad derived from their jobs and have always wanted to be the same for my boys. They know I love them, I tell them and try to show them that every day, but I do not exist solely for them. I know from experience how horrible it is to feel responsible for your parent's happiness.

Vvega- well I disagree that it doesn't matter and yes I disagree that leaving young babies for reasons that aren't vital is ok. I wouldn't leave my 9 month old overnight away from me. Truthfully, I'd have a shit time because I'd be worried about whether she was ok (and this is a baby who smiles when left 2 days a week at nursery).

I have raised a fabulous 9 year old and I'm raising a fabulous 10 month old the same way. I'm happy in my choices and it seems you are happy in yours. Not much left to add is there.
I shall return to my me time.

I'm back and this thread has got busy! Feeling a little sad now :(. Maybe I will look into buggy fit. I did do it with my 1st child but I have less time now and it was a bit time consuming, getting there and back. Then some of it was quite low intensity and felt a bit of a waste of time etc.

To answer a few questions:
I can't really go in the evenings as I bf and she wakes up between her and my bedtime. My husband gets back at 6, we all eat dinner together, by the time we're done its 7.30. Then a bit of play and it's time to do baths and feed to sleep (I know!). I haven't had any nights out since her birth, one lunch with my husband, I get a lie in at the weekend so could go then but I'm a bit sleep deprived too so I do appreciate the lie in. My husband works long hours, has a bad back and finds having two of them for too long hard work so I tend to hang around mostly.

She's not crying the whole time. 1st and 3rd time no crying, 2nd 10mins halfway through and they came to get me. 4th time as I left she cried but only for a minute. I do feel bad now though.

Don't let it bother you FlopismyMantra , generally other parts of MN are much kinder, I do try not to stray into AIBU as it is so ridiculously opinionated that I cannot believe that people really hold these views in RL harsh.

That said I will be looking wondering what people must be thinking, when later in the week I leave poor DS in the gym creche. The I will go to my class and come out feeling amazing all over again .

flop It can be so hard in another country, never mind with PND

You do what's right for you to get through the days and make sure you are fit and content, physically and mentally.

Hope you're getting good medical support and I hope too you can see that an hour off can actually be the best thing for both you and the little ones. You can have so much more to give, and so much more resilience!

There's some right smug posters here with a strong streak of judgementalism that isn't very well hidden. Deeply unrealistic too, assuming everyone -can- easily work from home or can easily walk or socialise.

The insistence that mothers must never be separated from their children is certainly a relatively new phenomenon. I read about a study that demonstrated that today WOHMs actually spend more time with their children than SAHMs did a generation ago, which goes to show that in earlier eras there was far less pressure to be ever present. I have my own theories as to why this new cultural situation has arisen, in which many women feel they must spend every minute with their children.

Vijac
Sounds like a couple of mornings at the gym getting lean and mean and clearing your head will do the whole family a world of good.
Enjoy.

Gah! don't stop going OP! Your health is important too.

Flop dont be embarrassed, you sound like a great mum who is having a hard time due to hormones and circumstances! Get some well deserved sleep and me time. I hope that you get the support you deserve from your dp, local community, health professionals, etc

Life is a marathon not a sprint.

It disappoints me greatly that a mother who is allegedly so secure in her way of doing things makes another mother with a different idea feel so low.

Second that, please don't feel bad, you plan sounds sensible and well-thought out. Some people just simply can't see beyond their own experience or circumstances. Those people - I hope you're proud of making a parent who's just trying to get the balance right feel just that bit shitter tonight .

to quote mrs dumbledore on another thread Ways that mumsnet differs from the real world which seems every so apposite here:

It being child abuse not to co sleep or in any other way deviate from attachment parenting or want to have a moment of personal space before your child is in school.

Vijac, don't be sad. A couple of hours at the gym really won't harm your baby. If you want that time, go ahead and enjoy every minute of it.

"Who mentioned baby wearing?!"

Baby wearing is part of attachment parenting. Hardcore attachment parenting don't use prams, child care and co sleep. The baby is in close contact with the mother at all times as described in the continuum concept Attachment parenting is based on the ideas in the continuum concept.

The OP asked how leaving a baby in a creche fitted in with attachment parenting. Strictly speaking childcare is a big "no no", but so is using a pram.
I have to admit that I have never anyone who did full blown attachment parenting/ continium concept who did not end up with postnatal depression.

To the OP, you don't need anyone to give you permission to break some of the more extreme rules of the continum concept/ attachment parenting.

Wow! Just caught up on thread and I'm

SingSong you are really the most judgemental poster on this thread and I personally find you offensive.

Your method of parenting works for you and that's great. Well done. But that doesn't mean that another's method is wrong. Who are you to judge?

You make your kids the centre of your world, and so you should! But does that mean that you have to lose who you were before? Certainly not! What will you do when your daughters grow older and set up home on their own? What will you do then? Will you still have a social circle? Friends? Sounds like you're alienating yourself IMO. You're already alienating yourself on this post alone

OP, carry on with the gym if you feel it's good for you. Your DD will get used to the 2 hours you leave her and will begin to love crèche.

Also, going to the gym and getting fitter (putting the weight on one side) really can benefit you all. It's surprising how the benefits cascade down especially to your baby.

More energy, more resilience and more mental energy. Don't underestimate it.

It disappoints me greatly that a mother who is allegedly so secure in her way of doing things makes another mother with a different idea feel so low.

^
This