To put dd 7m into nursery so I can go to the gym?

[Vijac]

I've just started putting her in for an hour two times a week. The first sessions were ok but today at her 4th session her face just crumpled when I said goodbye which wrenched my heart :(. She obviously realised I was leaving her. Am I mean putting her in just so I can go the gym. I just want to get fit and lose some weight finally. Will I damage her according to attachment parenting? Thanks.

I've read this and am really upset by this.

I've had crippling pnd and am in a country where friends and family are a day's flight away. We moved when ds1 was newborn and we have two very close in age, one newborn.

I will not be guilted into feeling bad about putting them into childcare this morning so I can have an hour off.

I have cried and cried. My children have seen me at my lowest. I have planned the best ways to kill myself and thought of the best time of day so the children would be on their own for the least possible time. I cannot be on my own with them all day. So fuck any of you on this thread who say I'm a selfish parent.

Yes, attachment parenting. As highlighted by peaches geldof. That worked out well for a vulnerable young mum with mental health issues, didn't it.

Going to the gym is a way of being a better parent, and possibly grandparent. Less chance of developing cancer, heart disease, mental health problems etc. I'd say all of those things will upset a child far more than pootling about in childcare for a couple of hours a week.

Nolim, which benefits are those then?

vvega but people are judging. I have been called a martyr, a crank, privileged and a lentil knitter on this thread.

And that isn't judging?

Sorry i dont understan the question. I think hazelnutt was talking about state benefits.

Meg- so go in the evening while they're in bed. Join a pram pushing/exercise class. Go power walking with the pram etc etc. The gym is hardly the only option for keeping fit! Other choices would actually be beneficial for both- fresh air for the baby, fitness for the mum.

Flop luckily I hope you can see from the majority of posts that people think it is a good thing.
YOU are important. YOUR needs are important and YOUR health is important. Not just the ickle dependent babies but the parent who needs to be physically and mentally well to do the best job they can being the best parent they can

Nolim, you said going to work was a choice and that you could live on benefits. As I understand it in 2015 it doesn't quite work like that any more but, having never been on benefits maybe I'm wrong.

For the past fortnight I've been putting my 4 month old in the gym crèche for an hour, three times a week. The staff are lovely and reassure me that though she does cry for a few minutes each time (albeit not when I drop her off), it's fleeting and she's otherwise quite happy being cuddled by the staff, sitting in the bouncy chair or being 'entertained' by the other children.

At no point have I felt guilty - I'm overweight and I know I'm doing the right thing for my children by spending three intensive hours a week at the gym where I can focus on improving my health. Going to the gym improves my mental health too: happy mummy = happy children.

I appreciate it's not for everyone but it works well for us. OP, maybe stick at it for a little longer to see if some routine/consistency helps, but ultimately do what you think works best for your family - we're all different!

I'm getting tired of seeing you dictate what people should do and when singsong. I don't think you are half as comfortable in your choices as you are protesting here.

But Rink, I'll ask again because no one seems to want to answer, does a parent taking part in fitness activities automatically mean that a crèche is the only choice (see my earlier post). Is it not possible to get fit without that?

It's a peculiarly Western European thing to think that a single mother and a single child have to be glued together every hour God sends otherwise some sort of damage will occur.

Normally throughout the world people often have larger families than this, or extended ones, or bring children up surrounded by family group or neighbours, so children are shared around a bit. We have a very artificial system going and an unhealthy obsession with creating an intense child-rearing environment that judges women harshly.

I say again OP, the problem here is that your DD has hit the age where separation anxiety is normal, and she probably needs a little bit longer being looked after by other people so she gets used to the other people. Have you thought of getting a babysitter in during the daytime for a couple of hours now and then so it is in her own home and she has a consistent relationship with the extra person? That might suit you both better.

I was obviously just being facetious with this comment, as some posters were ranking the evilness of using childcare depending on reason. And as you won't actually die if you don't work (at least not in the UK) then using child care to go to work is theoretically also a choice, not a need.

Nolim, you said going to work was a choice and that you could live on benefits.

No. I said not everyone can work and not rely on benefits. I can. I have never been on benefits. I think i somehow missed your point.

That probably depends on the size of your mortgage etc etc. Again I'll say that I really don't think benefits are given freely to those who just choose not to work in this day and age. Maybe that was the case years ago but it isn't any more.

Flop, you are not doing a thing wrong by taking an hour or two for yourself here & there - it's an absolute necessity to retain some wellbeing for yourself & keep some balance. It sounds as though you are pretty isolated & so it's even more important to look after yourself, take care x

Could the father of said child not babysit in the evening then to allow the mum to go out??

Yes of course she could do something active with her kid sing song and perhaps she does on the days she's not in the gym but there is a lot of stuff you can't do without a gym. What happens if OP lifts weights, wants to swim or wants to do something more strenuous like sprinting or rowing?