AIBU to expect to use the en-suite shower if it's the only decent shower in the house?

[climbingquickly]

Stayed 3 nights with DH's friends. They stay with us from time to time. (FYI we have a family bathroom with walk-in shower plus an extra bathroom downstairs with bath only, our guests welcome to use both). They had a new house, gave us the guided tour. Lovely guestroom with a guest bathroom next to it but guest bathroom only had a bath with a shower-attachment (think 3/4 tiled bath with a low-level shower attachment designed for hair-washing). Their en-suite had a walk-in power shower.

So first morning, after breakfast I asked hostess can I use your walk-in shower, she looked surprised but said ok. So I had a quick 10-min shower. When I came out her DP was in bedroom doing up his shirt, he looked at me in shock, said 'guest bathroom's down the hall' so I explained his wife had said i can use en-suite as I wanted a proper shower. Later my DH said his friend had asked him to tell me not to use their en-suite next time!

So for rest of visit I had to crouch in bath-tub washing myself with a handheld shower attachment! DH shrugged it off but i think it's very rude not to let guests use the only decent shower! Was IBU to think they should have let us use their en-suite?

"rude to ask to use the ensuite" - to ASK? really... who knew...

rude to use it after the hostess actually said yes? nope, not getting that one either.

I'm British (dyed in the wool Middle Englander) and MN seems to have a peculiar view on "rude"ness.

I think you should definitely write them a negative review on trip advisor so future guests know what poor service they're getting for their money.

A bucket in the garden is a poor washing facility. A bath with hot running g water and a shower attachment is a very adequate washing facility, regardless of whether it is your preference. You were rude.

I dont want guests in my bedroom or my bathroom ... and I dont ask go in friends bedrooms either other than cursery tour on first visit ... Host are allowed to have some space ... they are sharing the rest of the house tv food kids toys ..etc

I am loving all the tales of intimate private ensuites. I had no idea!

Reading this with envy.. or maybe not. Not wealthy enough to afford a house with an en-suite and even, gasp, don't have a shower at all. One bath with a shower attachment has to do 5 of us. So no issues about what facilities to use. We have also, on occasion, managed to survive without a daily showering. I know!!!!

OP came back then.

Think it is it of order to ask. Some people don't even have a shower attachment. It's 3 nights so you deal with it or find your own accommodation.

I don't think ensuites are reserved for expensive posh houses. It's just an extra small bathroom 6 feet from your bed.

All this privacy makarkey. Guess we just grew up poor where there was no privacy and you shared what you had with your guests. My mum was grest at making people feel really welcome though there were 5 of us in a tiny 2 bedroom house with one bathroom. People are just esy too precious these days.

Saying that, as a guest i would generally be happy for what my host offers but as a host i would have offered the use of the best bathroom for a guest.

I am with you Bambambini. The concept of a 'guest bathroom' is alien to me!

At this point I'll mention that I have an en suite, but I never use it.
It came with the flat and it's by a narrow little corridor right at the bedroom entrance. Upon reflection, it would be better to move the bedroom door (or add a second door) to make it less of an en suite.
And I'd be happy for anyone to use it.

Also, I do have to say that I (from another European country, and a few of my fellow nationals) am amazed at the lack of shower facilities in British homes.
When I moved to a small flat in London that had only a small bath, exH and I spent very little in tiling around the bath to the top and added a tap with a shower that allowed to have a proper shower. Surely most homes should have been updated by now. (and for rented properties, it should be asked of the landlord)

Oh for heaven's sake! What's the problem with letting someone use the decent shower in your house, even if it is in the en suite?! If you're good friends of course you should be able to ask! I'd want my guests to feel at home, otherwise I wouldn't invite them. Sounds to me like the dh got a bit embarrassed.

You were very rude indeed to ask. You were offered perfectly adequate facilities for the few days you were there, and chose to imply that they weren't up to scratch and encroach on their privacy instead.

I don't think it's rude to ask, but I don't think it was unreasonable of them to say no either.

We have the same set up - family bathroom with a shower fitting on the tap and an ensuite with a walk in shower. I don't mind people using my ensuite, but I also think the shower fitting on the tap is perfectly fine, I've used it myself a million times.

I live in a 3 storey new build with three bathrooms. Top floor has two bedrooms both with an ensuite shower room. Middle floor has two other bedrooms, and a bathroom with shower attachment. This bathroom can be accessed from the hallway or one of the bedrooms. One of the first things we did when we moved in was put a shower screen in there so that it was possible to have a stand up shower rather than having to have a bath and then wash your hair using the attachment. Easy solution to this issue, perhaps. In fact, the water pressure there is much better than the top floor showers.

More to the point, the OP only asked for something she also offers her own guests, including these people she was now visiting!

They were rude not to offer the same conditions they received at her home.

Will add ensuites to ever growing lists of things people are touchy about on MN. It might be the new P&C parking at this rate.

I'm getting TWO ensuites soon, Sparkling. I'm going to start a thread asking on etiquette.

I think that would be wise Honey. Will you have one intimate and one private? Or both intimate and private?

The whole point of an ensuite is privacy isn't it? So you don't have to take your clothes with you and get dressed in the bathroom when you have guests? Of course walking through somebody's bedroom where they are getting dressed is an intimate thing.

I'm thinking as the guest nit host when I say it's just bizarre and rude to ask to use a bathroom accessible only through the hosts' bedroom when you've been shown the guest bedroom next to the guest room and are a guest

Hosting this would never come up for us as we only have a family bathroom - but how bare faced to reject the guest facilities as a guest and expect to wander through the hosts' bedroom every morning instead, thus meaning they have to do the whole worrying about when and where to get dressed/ getting dressed in a locked bathroom thing.

I thought ensuites were just a handy extra small bathroom. Plus a loo near the bed? I have never thought about them in such detail until now.

thus meaning they have to do the whole worrying about when and where to get dressed/ getting dressed in a locked bathroom thing.

It was only for 3 days, though.

I walk around the house in underwear but have to check myself if I have people in. It's not much trouble to close or lock a bedroom door for privacy if I have guests. They could use my en suite at all other times. I usually don't spend much time dressing and undressing, so it's perfectly feasible and hardly much bother.