AIBU to expect to use the en-suite shower if it's the only decent shower in the house?

[climbingquickly]

Stayed 3 nights with DH's friends. They stay with us from time to time. (FYI we have a family bathroom with walk-in shower plus an extra bathroom downstairs with bath only, our guests welcome to use both). They had a new house, gave us the guided tour. Lovely guestroom with a guest bathroom next to it but guest bathroom only had a bath with a shower-attachment (think 3/4 tiled bath with a low-level shower attachment designed for hair-washing). Their en-suite had a walk-in power shower.

So first morning, after breakfast I asked hostess can I use your walk-in shower, she looked surprised but said ok. So I had a quick 10-min shower. When I came out her DP was in bedroom doing up his shirt, he looked at me in shock, said 'guest bathroom's down the hall' so I explained his wife had said i can use en-suite as I wanted a proper shower. Later my DH said his friend had asked him to tell me not to use their en-suite next time!

So for rest of visit I had to crouch in bath-tub washing myself with a handheld shower attachment! DH shrugged it off but i think it's very rude not to let guests use the only decent shower! Was IBU to think they should have let us use their en-suite?

Ah thanks lweji I always feels it best to check :o

In fact, you should keep bleach from the kitchen. Just in case.

There is no need to bleach a tub, though. Normal cleaning products should be enough...

For the uneducated with filthy bleached houses baxtercleancare.com/cleaning-with-bleach/

Can't stand bathing, there is nothing worse than bathing in my own dirt and potentially someone else's if it's not been bleached.

Ok I know this has been done before, but FFS how dirty are you?!

I dont have a shower (shock horror!) and I am very clean. I bathe daily, which means that when I step into a bath I am not actually very dirty because I bathed within the last 24 hours. I dont do a manual job so I am not overly sweaty. I dont work in fields, on building sites or down a mine so I am not dirty. I wipe when I visit the loo, I wash my hands when I have "been".....so when I have a bath I am not "bathing in my own dirt". And as the bath in question had a shower head it would be an easy job to bathe and then have a quick rinse off if you wanted to.

I am always baffled as to how people who dont actually get dirty are so offended at the idea of sitting in a bath with, you know, themselves!

80s Mum is very right. You basically told your hosts that what they provide for guests isn't good enough for you. Rude!

Are you American OP? I ask because as a Brit you would be being v v unreasonable and rude. If however you are not then I think cultural differences could somewhat excuse or explain your behaviour and attitude.

It was a rude thing to request, for precisely the reason you experienced. It forces your hosts to rearrange and preplan every little detail of their day to prevent situations like that from happening. The whole point of having an ensuite is privacy.

If they hadnt had an ensuite with a better shower, you would have managed without.

I thought Mnetters (according to how often do you wash threads) only bathed in any capacity once a month with a thimble full of ethical water?

So the entire thead is irrelevant.

I hope this couple never have any Muslim guests. Islam expects a proper shower because baths are viewed as not properly clean and sitting in your own filth.

I love a bath myself but our (only ) bathroom has a power shower which all guests always want to use.

I think the hosts were selfish to expect guests to use facilities they wouldn't want themselves.

As power showers are a recent invention, Islamic guests would have no issues at all with the facilities provided.

There was a perfectly good handheld shower available, therefore it was rude to tell the hosts it was not good enough. It's like refusing the wine they offered and insisting they break out a bottle of vintage champagne.

A true friend would never even consider turning her nose up at a bathroom with a handheld shower. It is so ungracious and throwing your hosts hospitality in their faces by criticising their house. Just because another shower exists is not a reason to behave in such a gauche and pushy way.

We had this situation in our house for years. We always always offered guests the en-suite shower. Including the day after I had ds meaning I had to get up.

Anything else would be really rude.

We've finally got round to having our main bathroom done so problem over. Yay!

This thread is hilarious.

I'd be a bit miffed if I was having a shower and the water was turned off.I have never heard of anyone doing or thinking that before. Very odd. Plus all the silliness about sitting in a bath - good lord, have a word with yourself.

I don't see why asking a friend if you can use their shower is rude either or how long you stay in it. I have long, coarse curly hair. It takes about 5 minutes with running water and conditioner to drag a comb through it. If I leave it for more than a day, double that time. I would choose a shower over a bath any day. I would have a bath though, but I'd be in there even longer trying to pour water and get a comb through my knots.

Why is the husband a twat for not wanting somebody else's wife walking in on him while he's getting dressed in his own bedroom? Would a woman be a twat for not wanting a friend's husband walking through her room while she got dressed?

I would have asked too. I hate baths. Also it doesn't take a genius to work out that if you go upstairs to change and your wife is downstairs and you hear the shower running that someone else is in there. Or his wife could have just told him.

Was everyone here born after 1990?

As far as I can remember in the 80s houses had baths but no showers. How did you all survive?

I'd guess the OP isn't British as it's so brazen to impose yourself like that on someone else's private space.

I'm not a jealous person but all this talk of power showers and en-suites is rather depressing me. We don't have a shower at all, so I expect my guests complain about my unbleached bath. We have a hand held shower over the bath.
I wouldn't have asked if I was the OP, because as long as it's clean and there is hot water you make do. However, if I was the host I would have offered the shower

If I had an en suite I wouldn't let anyone else use it including the kids. I suppose I'd have to let DH use it

I don't.

I've had one bathroom and a singular toilet for 16 years. I clearly live in a hovel.

I grew up in the 80s and didn't have a shower (or an ensuite) but things have moved on a bit since then haven't they.

I think we can assume that pubes on the carpet weren't an issue since the OP had already seen the private sanctum bathroom and bedroom on the "tour" of the house.

This thread is hilarious.

I can't believe people are so protective of their ensuites, how bizarre. Doesn't it make you a poor host if you don't allow someone the chance to use a decent shower, rather than the guest being rude for asking?

Our family bathroom is basically 3yo dd's (there's only us 3). As a new build we thought the tiles would be up to the ceiling but they're not. The shower is attached to the taps and it's impossible to have a decent shower (we only have baths in there). As such we always offer our ensuite.

mew maybe he didn't know his wife was still downstairs - obviously he would assume anyone in the shower was his wife as why would anyone else have walked through his bedroom to use a bathroom only accessible by walking through a bedroom, when there is a guest bathroom?

We don't have en suites either thankfully, but using somebody's ensuite to shower is a very intimate thing, it's basically part of the bedroom.

When you stay with people you make the best of the facilities offered; anything else is rude and demanding (who was it who said "brazen"? It sounds so old fashioned but that's exactly the right word in this situation :o )

We don't have a guest room either - people who complain about the guest room ensuite at their DH'Sffriend's house not having a walk in shower need to give their heads a wobble.

Yanbu to ask if you can have a shower, some people on this thread are reacting like you asked if you and dh can have a quickie in their bed!!

Your friends are being lousy hosts, why on earth would anyone not let their friends use their shower?

but using somebody's ensuite to shower is a very intimate thing

Its a shower they walk through the bedroom to! They are not having a peak in the bedside drawers or a sniff of the sheets on the way there! They've already seen the bedroom and shower as part of the tour.

When did being a decent host become less important than someone using a decent washing facility that does give you a sore back from bending down in a bath.

does not