To think less of my friend? (And to ask what puts you off a person)

[MonkeyPJs]

I have been friends with a woman for a while now, but recently, while in a cafe, she was awful to the wait staff after the service was a little slow (it was busy) talking to them like they were sub-human, and being rude and demanding. It was embarrassing! Ever since then I've thought less of her, and now not so sure I want to be close friends with someone who can be so unkind to others. She's always been nice to me, though.

AIBU to think less of her because of this one event? She wasn't having a bad day to my knowledge, and was perfectly pleasant to me both before and after talking to the waitress - as if nothing were wrong.

If IANBU, is there anything else that makes you think less of someone like this?

On reflection, I think it's people who don't dye their grey hairs before about 70.

Racists, benefit bashers, Ukip supporters, tories, Forever Living zealots, churchy people especially methodist do gooders, mum bloggers, pushy parents, people who thought Gone Girl was a good book, and people who spend over £2 per week on the lottery. I'm sure there are more. I'm not at all tolerant.

I think there are quite a lot of things that would make it impossible for me to ever be friends with someone, but I like to think that they are actually pretty reasonable things to take major issue with.

• Drink driving. A relative was hospitalised for months after being hit by a drunk driver, and still has health issues because of it. Drink driving disgusts me.

• Cruelty to animals. If I see someone kick a dog, or tormenting a cat or something I would hate them until the day I die.

• Pro-lifers. It wouldn't be too much of a problem if they presented it as just their personal view, and recognise that other people should have the freedom to choose as they wish. But this doesn't often seem to be the case.

• People who only ever go on about what is owed to them, and refuse to accept they ever need to give anything in return.

• Anyone who uses the N word when not in a conversation in full latin. Which is basically never....

Not quite in the same category, but only slightly less severe I would rate people who deliberately don't vaccinate their children, and people who are happy to accept other people's organs, but refuse to become donors themselves.

Well, I don't want to be a living donor! I didn't vaccinate my DS2 or DS3 with MMR after DS2's autism DX until they were 14 and 11. You must hate me!

Used to be wary of people who don't like pets but now I admire their honesty. People I really don't like are those who have pets, sometimes numerous pets, and don't look after them properly. Stop kidding yourself you are an animal lover.

Anyone pro-nuclear, extreme pro-military, pro-Israeli, anti-Muslim and refuses to believe in climate change. This is one relative on Facebook.

Anyone celebrity-obsessed or royalty-obsessed.

Anyone so obsessed with maintaining their appearance (clothes, hair, makeup, jewellery, etc. ) that it takes time and money away from other essential things. Good to look after yourself and look nice but don't get carried away.

I posted about this on here before about a friend of mine who told me about how herself and her husband left a huge amount of debt behind in their home country before they came here.
I'll admit that I was a bit judgey about that.
Also she told me how she hates having people in her house and I realised that she'll never have my DD over on a playdate even though her kids have been here loads of time.

In defense of SunnyBaudelaire, Harry Potter also makes me grind my teeth. I fell out of love with it during the 3rd, and cannot stand discussing it with my friends, or my mum.

Er, Ellen, you do realise they wait until you're dead before they take your organs?

You can be a "living donor" if you want, but they don't let you donate anything you're using, like your heart. You can donate spares though, so kidney, chunk of liver- they do leave you still alive afterwards :)

Micah, kidney donation was exactly what I was thinking of. I have a donor card but would not choose to donate a kidney to a stranger.

So I wasn't sure how else I could refuse to donate, but still accept others' organs unless it was as a living donor.

People who brag about money.

I had a friend who was always dropping casually into conversation how much money she had and I just lost so much respect for her, especially as she knew we were not well off.

FIL is lovely but always dropping hints. Once he said to DH (sole earner) "I spend more each month than you earn". I mean, why?! Why say that?!

"sprackenzyboiled Fri 19-Jun-15 14:12:16
"You seriously think less of people who believe that women are not inferior to men, and that men and women should be treated equally?"

You say that, but I have yet to know a feminist who was not the mirror image of an extreme misogynist, even to the extent where in-depth conversation happens, of trying to dictate how I should run my home, my family and my marriage to me (like a controlling husband would), and suggesting destructive, poisonous approaches to problems on ideological grounds.

So while I personally accept that some feminists might not be like that (and haven't disowned friends for it), I can understand why people might run a flipping mile if they have had a similar experience to me."

feminism is believing that men and women should be treated equally. What you are describing is arseholes.

Drivers who fail to "thank" other drivers who give way to them - surely that's just good manners?
And I was appalled at a friend who bought a dress wore it to a "do" and then carefully replaced the labels and returned it to the shop. She was proud that she'd got away with it.

Someone once told me my dog had a blank face.

I prefer my dog now.

Anyone who says "I'm not racist but. .."
Definitely anyone who is rude to staff in restaurants, shops etc.
People who vote conservative, then moan about services being cut.
People who don't like cats/dogs.

If I find out someone I thought was a friend votes tory I am as I will never think of them in the same way again.

Rudeness puts me off a person, even if you don't like someone there is no excuse for rudeness.

Drink drivers
Smokers
People who visit strip clubs
People who don't like cats (how can you not?!)
Selfishness

"Someone once told me my dog had a blank face."

You were offended by that?

1. Militant pro abortion activists who claim pro lifers need a biology class to learn what a fetus is.
2. people who post daily offensively vitriolic left wing or right wing diatribes on FB bashing people who have different opinions on issues as evil or stupid or racist or hicks.
3. Racists. I do not get the mindset of these people.

And I agree with OP. I think perhaps your friend is not as nice as you thought.

People who treat others based on perceived social status are revealing themselves. True class is kindness based in the knowledge that all human beings are equal in dignity and worth. A refined social sense is appropriate behavior suited to the occasion with kindness as the ruling principle.

Anyone who says "if you don't believe in climate change, you haven't understood the evidence".

Like they have.

Well, nobody has mentioned loving Sarah Palin, so I'll just throw that one in there.

Or any Republican, 2nd amendment, gun loving nut job.

Yes. I was was.

Because it wasn't true.

I think I thought less of her because she doesn't like dogs, to be more reasonable.

A friend of mine had an affair (he was married, she wasn't) with a guy 20 years older. They're now living together (he left his wife) and she doesn't think she's done anything really wrong. I'm torn between not wanting a friend who'd do something like that (not able to trust her) and at the same time thinking that at some point the relationship will implode and I should stick around so she has a bit of support when it does (her parents aren't very supportive, and various things about her background/childhood mean that she is quite vulnerable in some ways).