To think less of my friend? (And to ask what puts you off a person)

[MonkeyPJs]

I have been friends with a woman for a while now, but recently, while in a cafe, she was awful to the wait staff after the service was a little slow (it was busy) talking to them like they were sub-human, and being rude and demanding. It was embarrassing! Ever since then I've thought less of her, and now not so sure I want to be close friends with someone who can be so unkind to others. She's always been nice to me, though.

AIBU to think less of her because of this one event? She wasn't having a bad day to my knowledge, and was perfectly pleasant to me both before and after talking to the waitress - as if nothing were wrong.

If IANBU, is there anything else that makes you think less of someone like this?

Actually, Mintyy, I chose Nancy in honour of my lesbian, feminist and disabled mother who died last year.

Purdiepie, your one-up-manship is truly unbelievable.

was she not also 'a woman of colour' purdie?

Crying.

You cry when your parent dies, or when somewhere gets nuked. Apart from that, fucking deal with it.

Selfies are permissible if they are taken to see how you look like a mirror and kept personal, eg to see how your hair, makeup or an injury looks, or at the request of someone else.

Taking a picture of yourself alone, then uploading it for the world to admire - and doing that more than once, suggests you are a bit of a narcissist.

The mum from school who adds everyone's husbands on facebook even ones she has never met.

People who do that crafty folding thing to books (anyone who assaults or murders books is off in my opinion).

Using pleb abbreviations in texts - eg: "2", "u", "m8".

People who cheat. People who are the OW. People who sleep around.

My hairdresser (who's been doing my hair for years) casually mentioned how she was housetraining her bf's dog since they had just moved in together and this 2 year old dog had not been successfully housetrained previously. Her method was to get angry when she would arrive home and find a mess and shove the dog's nose in it while telling him off. She then said "He knows he's done something bad because he starts shaking and tries to hide when he see's that I've found where he's peed!" I was speechless that this seemingly nice women thought this was okay to do to a dog. I tried to gently explain to her why her method would backfire and suggest other ways to housetrain but she became very defensive and the rest of my appointment was done in silence. I haven't been back since. I think I will book another appointment with her but maybe find a good dog training book for her, I just feel like I need to do something to help this poor dog.

Some of us find crying hard to control. I don't WANT to cry nearly as often as I do, in fact I find it very embarrassing. But I haven't found any way to make it stop.

If you don't say "waitstaff", what word do you use to talk about waiters and waitresses in a gender-neutral way?

You used to send your criminals here, or later on to Australia. Now you don't have colonies that will tolerate that sort of thing, so you have to do something different

Most of the stuff I think less of people for is stuff like drink driving, adultery, racism, sexism, etc.

Taking horoscopes seriously.

Complaining repeatedly (don't include one off moans) about events run by volunteers (PTA stuff, brownies) whilst never once lifting a finger to do anything themselves.

Aggressive Christians.

Spracky I may be that fb mum i am crap at fb and managed to send a friend request to my entire hotmail account inc plumbers, clients, friends dh I hadn't met. Mortifying!!

I'm always shocked when I find out my friends are religious. It's so rare these days and with so so much evidence coming out all the time for evolution it really surprises me when someone I assumed had a sound mind is actually god botherer.
I have to bite my lip not to get into an argument with them!

Mullti level marketing. Yes I do like you and would like to take friendship further but you try to turn every low key social interaction into a chance to flog overpriced make up.

Really resent these companies corporatising (if a word) people's friendships. Other friends buy to be polite and these companies exploit that. Makes my skin crawl.

I don't really understand the hatred against religion. You can believe in religion AND evolution - because in functional terms, spiritual belief can be a hugely important guide for living.

There's a lot of good in the Christian message, as perverted as it has been over the years for terrible ends - don't judge, be kind to others, don't put wealth ahead of humanity, live a simple life. Buddhism is a religion and is non-theistic and its psychology is increasingly mainstream. Those are the religions I know most about, but I'm sure each religion has a lot of merit and that in the main, the problems that arise from subscription to any religion are more related to how cultural narratives of all sorts are used as traction for gaining power in corrupt ways. I don't imagine this would change if everyone categorically agreed tomorrow that there was no God/s. Human beings have a strong drive for coherent narratives, and if it's not going to be God, it's going to be something else, which will be equally used and abused for good and for bad.

I think it's a bit ignorant to judge people for having religious belief, though I don't have it myself - and I judge people who are smug about not believing in God as some sort of sign of superior intellect.

Also so many of these are just patently ridiculous
People with no pets - might be renting, might not be allowed, might be allergic
People with iPhones/iPads - I have to have one for work, use them for assessing children who need communication aids, but you're not going to know this when you see me with one on the bus
Criminal taste in music - subjective
People with no books in their homes - might have 5,000,0000 on three kindles you can't see, have a dust mite allergy, have limited space etc
Judging people who lack the basic intelligence to stop and think for a minute - well, that's pretty much anyone with an IQ outside of the normal range, including everyone with a learning difficulty or disability, many of which are invisible
I agree with whoever asked how anyone has any friends with such a lot of random pointless judging going on.

Oooh and when people don't discipline their children. And then are angry at their children for misbehaving. And then are 'amazed' that your children are well behaved and you don't have to yell at them all the time. Yes, that's because I've bothered to teach them to be well behaved, and not just taken my anger out on them constantly. Jeeeez.

I do judge though - evangelical Christian acquaintances of ours come out with all sorts of offensive nonsense. Dh and I are going to burn in hell apparently but don't worry they are praying for us! I organised a fund raising event and some Christians were so aggressive and mean I was almost reduced to tears! Fine have your personal beliefs but tub thumping zealots I will avoid like the plague and would never be friends with in a million years

PuntasticUsername

As a teacher there are obviously students you get on better with than others, and some can be a real pain but I have only ever disliked one.

We were talking about the Holocaust because it was the memorial day and she found it funny. She was an ESOL student so I gave her the benefit of the doubt that she didn't understand but another student translated what was being said (No I didn't understand the translation so I have to take on trust the student was accurate).

One of the other students was asking where Auschwitz was so we put it in google and pulled up a map and then street view, you obviously can't see inside but you can see the roads around.

There had also been a 2 min silence in the college and some other teaching about it so she should have known what it means, but no she thought it was funny.

I really struggled to stay neutral that day.

If it had been a friend / acquaintance I don't think I would speak to them again.

People who choose to use homeopathic "medicines" on their children instead of real medication.

"It's gentle and natural and not full of nasty chemicals" according to them. Well, it is all of those things, because it's water ffs, but it won't help your child's terrible psoriasis or bring their temperature down when they have a fever.

I went right off a friend when I discovered she only ever used homeopathy on her DCs.

Have you ever met a tub-thumping atheist? Fucking evil, they are.

Kerala - I think that's an issue with zealotry and intolerance rather than religious belief though, isn't it? I understand anyone judging that. I don't understand people who are sneery about people like my sister's in-laws whose religious belief has seen them through several devastating family tragedies.

Kerala, aggressive Christians

Hmmmm....and how do you feel about head-removing Islamists?

people who say 'I'm so OCD about that'. No. No you're not. You like something a certain way, that is a far cry from OCD!

I have only personally met aggressive Christians due to where I live. And, yes sorry if it offends you, but they are not people I would voluntarily go for a coffee with!

purdie perhaps she's never met one. This is a "things that have put me off potential friends* thread, isn't it?

Sorry cross posts

That's why I said aggressive Christians have no problem spending time with unaggressive ones (grandfather a vicar).