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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be angry at DH and not accept his apology

213 replies

Theonlylooninthevillage · 19/06/2015 10:31

Tbh his apology was crap and I'm still upset hours later.

My dd who is 3 is going through a shouting, not listening, being a normal 3 yr old stage.

This morning she was on form saying no etc etc she opened the drawer that has all the arts and crafts saying she wanted to color. We were just getting ready to go to school so I say no.

She opened the drawer anyway and then my DH comes up behind her takes her hands off the drawer and shuts it, now usually I wouldnt say anything but he did it with too much force and she bounced back, bounced off his belly and then hit her face on the chest of drawers.

DH then says "well that was silly, next time don't strop and you won't get hurt". I saw the whole saga and it was because he took her arms off too hard she bounced and then bounced forward iyswim.

I was right next to her so grabbed her in for a cuddle and explained that it wasn't her fault she bounced and she had a little red mark on her face. Now considering she wears glasses full time I'm surprised she didn't have more of a mark or worse.

DH walks off and sits down and says she was stropping that's why she hit her face at this point I was upset he wasn't saying sorry to dd. he refused to say sorry to dd so I consoled her and said it was an accident and she's ok, she is ok.

Dd then comes over picks her up and says "sorry, ok" puts her down and then says "happy?". I explained I wasn't happy and I'm not happy it wAsnt dds fault and I said to not touch her with force like that again.

He went to work and we did a half hearted love you have a nice day but I'm still upset, I told my sister and she thinks iabu because dd is going through a stroppy phase and is being a madam at times, but I said that's no excuse to basically be mean to her and take his frustration on her being a 3 yr old out on her.

Sorry for the rant and essay. Wibu?

OP posts:
Original poster
Theonlylooninthevillage · 19/06/2015 19:22

sadwidow I didn't want an apology for me, I wanted DH to apologise to dd for accidentally hurting her.

He hurt her by accident and SHOULD of said sorry straight away, not tell dd it was her fault because she was stropping.

We are equal parents, you may think I'm being controlling, unreasonable, a deranged mother whose is turning my dd against her dad but that's not the case.

He hurt hurt, he should of apologised, I shouldn't of said anything in front of dd. everything happened in the space of a few minutes.

Don't pick this apart anymore because it's pointless Confused

OP posts:
sadwidow28 · 19/06/2015 19:23

PrincessTheresa

You say: "I am with the OP actually. I can easily imagine doing what her DH did with regard to the drawer. What I can't imagine is not immediately saying "oh goodness dd, are you ok, I didn't mean to hurt you. Now, you need to listen when we say it isn't time to play with this stuff"

Imagine this .....

  • a DH who sat down for talks about handling DD
  • a DH who is sick and tired of listening to OP 'asking' a 3yr old for good behaviour
  • a DH who just doesn't need early-morning tension from 3yr old when he is trying to get to work

He went to work and we did a half hearted love you have a nice day but I'm still upset

So who was half-hearted? You?

Who is still upset? You!

You need to mature more and start to co-parent your DD. The facial palsy is NOT your fault. You cannot protect her from all of life's knocks and jibes. Please allow the advice to come in now that you have posted on AIBU.

Is there anything else we can do?

Wibblypiglikesbananas · 19/06/2015 19:25

Sad - are you ok? You seem extremely over invested in this thread.

Original poster
Theonlylooninthevillage · 19/06/2015 19:27

"timri" of course I'm not still angry at DH, were not the type to hold grudges or carry on an argument after we have made up, that's pointless.

Yeah I do hope he thinks in future about his actions, that could cause a situation where our child might get hurt! That's only natural and yes I will think before jumping in.

OP posts:
sadwidow28 · 19/06/2015 19:29

Don't pick this apart anymore because it's pointless

You are absolutely correct!

You came onto Mumsnet AIBU looking for validation for YOUR poor reaction to an issue that was an accident. Now you are not getting the responses you want (and please do look through the thread and re-read) you want to shut down our opinion ..... is that how you deal with your DH?

Are you a 'do it my way or take the high-way'?

I feel so sorry for your DH. I hope you are going to apologise to him tonight for your over-reaction and poor discipline skills when he gets in from work.

sadwidow28 · 19/06/2015 19:31

Wibblypiglikesbananas I am perfectly fine - thank you for asking

LucilleBluth · 19/06/2015 19:37

Yup, you were wrong op. These things happen with demanding DCs. I am also loving how all this circles back round to him being raised by a 'shitty mother'......and your family are fab, even though you did your best to undermine your DH and your whole attitude throughout the thread is questionable.

Mashtag · 19/06/2015 19:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Theonlylooninthevillage · 19/06/2015 19:43

sad I wrote a lovely long reply just to you and your assumptions but my iPad switched off and therefore I'm going to accept that as fate and nod along to you.

OP posts:
Tequilashotfor1 · 19/06/2015 19:46

Yeah he was being a prick. She is three FFS did he need to use such force - no.

He didn't mean the apology he did if for effect.

Tequilashotfor1 · 19/06/2015 19:48

Ah I just seen the

'I feel sorry for your DH, your child, your life, your dog, your cat .....

Mashtag · 19/06/2015 19:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

sadwidow28 · 19/06/2015 19:51

Theonlylooninthevillage I suggest that you focus on advising the OP cottectly rather than trying to defend her to anonymous people like me.

Original poster
Theonlylooninthevillage · 19/06/2015 19:55

Am I not the OP?

OP posts:
BolshierAyraStark · 19/06/2015 20:05

Yep completely U. Your responses to posters who haven't agreed with you are very telling. Read back through the thread & see your behaviour for what it is & yes, you completely undermined his parenting-well done on that one, it may well come back & bite you on the arse in the near future...

MakeItRain · 19/06/2015 20:07

I have to say I'm surprised at how this thread has gone. The OP has mentioned her dh shouting in her children's face (or "close" to - seems the same to me), being worried about him being too forceful physically with them, pulling her off the drawer so hard she falls and bumps her face, and yet the OP gets berated for not backing up this sort of parenting and told to apologise for not doing so. I think you were right to challenge it actually OP.

Original poster
Theonlylooninthevillage · 19/06/2015 20:14

Thank you make it rain

OP posts:
Tequilashotfor1 · 19/06/2015 20:20

Yes me too op.

If your Dh had done it to you posters would be screaming LTB.

Love sadwidows advice Grin

BolshierAyraStark · 19/06/2015 20:22

Hmmmmm, is the shouting in her face mentioned in OP or is that later when she had been told she WBU?

Original poster
Theonlylooninthevillage · 19/06/2015 20:28

Later bolshier, he basically picked her up and told her off raised voice too close to her face. It wasn't needed so we talked and he hasn't done it since our talk.

OP posts:
sadwidow28 · 19/06/2015 20:28

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
Theonlylooninthevillage · 19/06/2015 20:28

Thank you tequila

OP posts:
Timri · 19/06/2015 20:28

Ok, it's just because the way you're posting, it does seem that you're still angry about it.
These things can breed resentment over time (on both sides) which obviously ain't good.
Anyway, seems like all is well now in the loony village, and you clearly think YANBU so doubt you're paying attention to the YABU's anyway.

Original poster
Theonlylooninthevillage · 19/06/2015 20:29

sadwidow how can you not believe my thread? Do you think I'm a troll? Why not report to mnhq if you think it's not real fgs

OP posts:
BathtimeFunkster · 19/06/2015 20:32

If your Dh had done it to you posters would be screaming LTB.

Grin

I tell my almost 3 year old to sit on the potty several times a day.

If I took full control of when my husband used the toilet, that would be very controlling.

I don't allow my almost 3 year old to have any money, because she tends to put coins in her mouth. If I did that to my husband, it would be financial abuse.

I brush my almost 3 year olds teeth, often against her will. If I did that to my husband, it would be an assault.