Is this MIL's finest hour?

[namechangeorimfucked]

I've had to name change because my family members know my name on here and if they knew what she was doing all hell would break loose..

MIL is currently on her way to the hospital to visit a relative (her niece). Niece has just this morning welcomed her first baby after a very traumatic labour that has lasted days. A failed induction and many hours later, she has had an EMCS and both are apparently doing well. MIL knows about all this because her SIL has been giving her updates as she receives them from her DD and her partner. She has relayed said details to me and DH.

MIL gets on ok with her SIL but does not like her niece, she has been very judgmental all through her pg, both behind her back and to her face. As a result of this, niece and MIL fell out at a family gathering about 3 months ago.

MIL received a message from her SIL saying that the baby is here but they do not want visitors til visiting time tonight. Despite being told this, MIL is going to the hospital to see the baby... Her SIL is not even attempting to go yet and its her GC.

Niece lives in another county, MIL is on her way there now, NHS staff badge around her neck, to pop in and see the baby. She accused the niece and of being 'silly' and once she gets there she will be happy to have a visitor. She also said that she has to go now because she is busy later in the week and 'can't be expected to wait for them'

The Niece's DP is on facebook now letting everyone know things are ok. Do me and DH tell him she is coming?

We explained to her that she will not be let in if they don't want to see her and she said she 'knows her way around' and is 'practically staff'. She is expecting to see the baby before her own SIL...this is going to cause a shitstorm so big it will consume us all.

Sounds to me like a hospital birth, even at 'her' hospital, gives you a better chance of keeping her nose out until invited. At home, there will be you, dh and the midwife, and MIL will stay camped on the doorstep until she gets in/you call the police about the trespasser.

Sometimes you just have enough of twats like this, eggybread - just because you're all 'anything for an easy life' doesn't mean the op is.

OP, I'd worry that she'd barge in on you if it were a hospital birth or a home birth, and homes have less security than hospitals. Unless you have a VERY understanding friend who'd let you give birth in her living room (!) then I'd opt for the hospital change option. That or go nuclear-balls-to-the-wall and tell all her colleagues that she's insanely controlling and that you and your DH want her kept out.

I think give it to her straight, bring it to a head and hope a nc situation arises.

Tell her the only person showing her up is her, that she has behaved so terribly that right now you don't want her in contact with. Dc , she needs to set her expectations to nothing and that she has the opportunity to recognise her behaviour is out of order and to rebuild a normal relationship with your family if she can avoid slipping back in to her usual ways. And if she does she can consider herself out of your life.

Thank you mrshathaway I'll speak to my midwife at my next appointment.

Frankly, the very best thing for all concerned would be an injunction and a spare room for FIL while he divorces MIL.

The injunction goes a bit like this: This Notice of Legal Action is to inform you that we intend to apply for an injunction under S.3 (1) Protection from Harassment Act in that: you have repeatedly declared your intentions to visit us and our newborn against our wishes. This is an apprehended course of conduct under S.1 (1a) of the Act as amended by S125 (2) SOCPA against two or more people*. We are applying for a power of arrest to be attached to the injunction.
*Mr, Mrs and Baby Namechange.
And so forth.

Insert the word "warning" after injunction. You could include an undertaking to be signed, which you can then use to sue her arse or get her arrested for actual harrasment when she breaches it.

Did you know that they ring up their friends crying with fear when they get a Notice? Oh yes.

Check with hospital. Our delivery corridor can only be accessed by very specific staff and there are 2 secured doors to get through. Also I requested private room which in our hospital is a completely separate floor which again can only be accessed by specific staff.

Alternatively mlu are very good as they tend to be smaller and mw have complete control over visitors as they have to be let in individually. Plus your dh can stay with you overnight so even if she did tip up and wasn't put off by mw, your dh could tell her to do one.

Eggy I know you didn't mean anything bad by your comment, and I didn't take any offense.

But pps are right, she is NOT a five min person.. She did refuse to leave the hospital today, she told DH like it was almost something to be proud of...

If we gave her an inch she would take a mile, and she seems to get worse if you tell her no, like a child in a way. She has a very entitled way of thinking, and if you say no to her, she thinks you are been silly for your views and you're not thinking straight.

My mum cant stand her, she thinks she is toxic and doesn't want her anywhere near me, she has suggested that she comes with me to the labour ward and makes sure mil doesn't come near. That could be something I would get behind.

Tiger your in laws sound absolutely awful.. :(

Yes! Bring in reinforcements.

Your mum sounds like she wont take any of her BS.

You know her best (unfortunately) and I hope you find a way through. As others said, I am probably lucky enough to not have witnessed this extreme for myself - tiger that must be very hard to deal with without the backing of your dh as he doesn't know any different.

I hope she's not on here - she might get some tips from Tigers MIL - caravan in the hospital grounds

If she does- tell her how much are craving a roast dinner, it'll take ages to cook in a caravan

This talk will be her talking at you, she's not going to do any listening.

Tell her you're giving birth in Brighton and move to Scotland.

'the talk' is apparently scheduled for Sunday... She knows we planned to go round to her house that day to see FIL, as its fathers day, so she's hijacking that nice occasion too.
DH said he has had enough and is prepared to tell her not to contact us anymore, I don't think this will work at all. I think they will end up having a huge argument and ruining fathers day.

DH is forgetting that once after a huge argument years ago, MIL told everyone she has taken pills and then dropped to the floor, she was immediately taken to a and e where it was revealed by HCP that it 'doesn't appear that she has taken anything' he actually said that to us.

I'm not going through that again it was awful. You never know what she is going to try next. That's what I mean about it not been easy to just cut contact, its better to try and be on her right side than her wrong, even if she is rude to you and difficult.

My mil talks looking back are hilarious. She turnt up. Dressed in black with a black scarfy/wrap thing wrapped around her shoulders and the back of her head.

Had red eyes. Sniffing. Taking deep breaths and sat there on the edge sofa eyes on the floor and twisting what had actually happened.

My mum sat silently in the corner.
My mum was there as we thought she would control herself more (mil had struck me before)

FIL sat beside Mil stroking her hand.

DH sat beside me on another sofa.

DH did 99% of the talking. I only spoke to correct facts.

Put it this way. She wouldn't dare try any shit again because we would go NC so fucking quick she wouldn't know whether to shit herself or cry.

You need to lay down your laws with her. Ignore the crocodile tears, the abusive calls, texts etc etc.

Be completely numb to her.
She will get over it!!! Tough shit if she doesn't like it. Not her marriage. Not her life. Not her baby.

Please tell her there is nothing to talk about and cancel these talks.

This is another stage performance for her!

Don't go on Sunday.

Get DH to ring your FIL and explain why, you don't have to put yourself through all of this.

By letting these talks go ahead on her terms you are bowing down to her again. Do you see?

Take back the control and say no to any talks.

Actions speak louder than words. Don't go!

Wow. Can't wait for the Sunday update. Good luck OP

You can't have a talk on Sunday!

Take FIL out for lunch, afternoon tea, coffee & cake or something.

When ILs decided to sit us down for a "talk" after MIL had sobbed her heart out & asked my husband if he still loved her(he had asked her to be more considerate to me), husband banged his fist on the table & said that we just wanted to be treated like adults.

And then we walked out.

Worked a treat!