Is this MIL's finest hour?

[namechangeorimfucked]

I've had to name change because my family members know my name on here and if they knew what she was doing all hell would break loose..

MIL is currently on her way to the hospital to visit a relative (her niece). Niece has just this morning welcomed her first baby after a very traumatic labour that has lasted days. A failed induction and many hours later, she has had an EMCS and both are apparently doing well. MIL knows about all this because her SIL has been giving her updates as she receives them from her DD and her partner. She has relayed said details to me and DH.

MIL gets on ok with her SIL but does not like her niece, she has been very judgmental all through her pg, both behind her back and to her face. As a result of this, niece and MIL fell out at a family gathering about 3 months ago.

MIL received a message from her SIL saying that the baby is here but they do not want visitors til visiting time tonight. Despite being told this, MIL is going to the hospital to see the baby... Her SIL is not even attempting to go yet and its her GC.

Niece lives in another county, MIL is on her way there now, NHS staff badge around her neck, to pop in and see the baby. She accused the niece and of being 'silly' and once she gets there she will be happy to have a visitor. She also said that she has to go now because she is busy later in the week and 'can't be expected to wait for them'

The Niece's DP is on facebook now letting everyone know things are ok. Do me and DH tell him she is coming?

We explained to her that she will not be let in if they don't want to see her and she said she 'knows her way around' and is 'practically staff'. She is expecting to see the baby before her own SIL...this is going to cause a shitstorm so big it will consume us all.

I think she got herself in a state because she did not get what she wants.

She sounds beyond my worst nightmare. You are going to have to put some very strict boundaries in place to deal with her. Any chance you could emigrate?

Dear god OP. Both my parents are narcs and have done some jaw-dropping stuff but this is truly shocking. As others have said, absolutely everything in the world has to be all about her.

Do not get into any conversation whatsoever with her about your baby and what anyone 'expects'. Like other said, you cannot smooth things over with crazy, you cannot rationalise with crazy. Detach detach detach.

I think considering NC is a good idea, if you DH feels like it might be possibility for him

It's unbelievably wearing all this stuff. Hope she leaves you alone tonight x

Get a restraining order.

She thinks her niece is silly, pathetic, has shown her up & she won't use the baby's name as she doesn't like it?

And she said this to the niece's mother?

How the actual fuck was she not wearing coffee after that tirade?

Well, you have a glimpse there of what a birth does to her

OMFG I have only read the OPs updates but she sounds like a total total nightmare. I think you are right to worry about how she is when you have your DC. If it were me I would be going NC.

Why on earth do you want this crazy, controlling, manipulative, self entitled bitch anywhere near your child?

Your DH wants NC, for the sake of your child, bloody do it.

"She makes little digs at us like 'If I'm ever allowed to see it' things like that."

To which the reply is, "no way if you carry on like this"!

Fucking hell if anyone treated my dds or my ddils like this they would be wearing that coffee and probably nursing a black eye.

How fuckind dare she.

Cut contact for the sake of your child and your sanity.

I think working within the hospital she does go on these power trips, like she knows the inner workings of the hospital and everyone should listen to her.

She gets a lots of sympathy from her family despite her 'ways' because she has been unwell and frequently talks about her illnesses and ailments. I think thats why the SIL felt like damage limitation was the best way to go.

her and SIL had a big fallout years ago (I don't know the details) but it was over inheritance money. Since then, MIL has behaved unreasonably towards this part of the family, so we knew she would be negative with everything they do.

Reading the thread back I can see why people would think this can't be real.

I suppose because we are so used to it we don't really see what shes like or as bad as it is. She has never gone this far before, but she has some attachment issues to her DC and other issues, so she does get away with a lot. People give her the benefit of the doubt.

the more I think about it the more I feel like I'm actually screwed.

If you stay at the hospital you have planned for your delivery then I think both you and you DH need to have a meeting with the unit manager to explain about your MIL, and how you want know one is to pass any information about you and your baby and the consequences of what will happen if any information is given out.

You are lucky that your dh is already on your side in respect of his mother behavior. Can you and your dh discuss some stock answers giving no promises to his mother.

You arent if you take control and protect yourself. Consider her little charade as practice for you.

I'm starting to think it was never about the baby at all, it was all about upsetting her niece, like she gets some sick pleasure from it.

She gets a lots of sympathy from her family despite her 'ways' because she has been unwell and frequently talks about her illnesses and ailments

another tick ...

nobody was 'braying (sic) for blood' niloufes, don't be so dramatic.

Shocked!!! Shocked!!! (Reaches for the phone to tell our mil she amazing). Oh op your dh, sil and you so brave.

name change .what a shame for the niece and also you and your hubby .My mother in law was like this all my married life dictated what happened huffed if it did not go her way .she made my 3 sons baby hood a misery .you do not want to be sitting here like me in 20 odd year full of regrets for not standing up for yourself like me
.tell her its like this and if she does not like it tough luck to her ..I have promised myself if ever my three sons become fathers i will embrace my dil .if she wants to stand in the rain wearing an orange wig while eating raisins that will be fine by me .if she wants to give birth in a tent fine .if she wants her child called blue jeronimo sasha that will also be great .my grandchild will be my boys child not mine.

Thanks for the advice everyone, does anyone know how I might bring up with my midwife about going to a different hospital?

Can I really say 'I want to keep my MIL away from me and the baby right after the birth and she might not listen to us.'?

.you do not want to be sitting here like me in 20 odd year full of regrets for not standing up for yourself like me

this . Only it's 19 years here ...

So you contacted the baby's father who then told the mum. That's a shame. Because if you'd rung the ward directly like some of the first posters suggested, the new parents would have been blissfully unaware of the 'drama' unfolding.
I can't think that was the best thing to do tbh.

and there is no way friend or not that anyone would share info

www.bigbrotherwatch.org.uk/files/NHS_Breaches_Data_Protection.pdf

In response to our request, we found that at least 129 separate incidents took place where an employee of the NHS used their access to private medical details to access or disclose the medical details of a colleague or family member. This includes a well-publicised case in Hull PCT where a former employee was given a criminal conviction for accessing the patient files of 413 people, including family members, friends, ex-girlfriends and former classmates.5 He claimed that there was no malicious intent to this invasion of privacy; simply that he was motivated by his own ‘idle curiosity’.
Of these 129 incidents, 91 were committed by an NHS employee inappropriately accessing the confidential medical details or information of a colleague at work. In some cases, the individual was found to have revealed the information to other colleagues. 70 of these incidents involved non-medical personnel inappropriately accessing the medical details of their colleagues. In 20 cases, the employee in question was dismissed for inappropriately accessing and/or disclosing the confidential medical details of a colleague.
38 cases occurred where NHS employees inappropriately used or accessed the medical details of their family members, breaking data protection policy and highlighting a worrying casual attitude towards following proper data protection procedures.

Er yes op.

No one should be granted access to any patient in hospital if the patient does not wish it and expressly forbids it.

If I were you I would speak to your midwife and put your wishes in writing.

Speaking as a qualified nurse no medical details of any kind should be shared with anyone without the express wish of the patient. If the patient is confused etc it's the next of kin. So not your mil.

However I don't understand why you don't go with the non contact idea.

Tell her she has to change dramatically or you won't allow her access to your child.

namechangeorimfucked
I feel SO sorry for her DN, I know I would be horrified if I was her. And she is my DH's mum- so its even worse for us with our DC.

What does she do with your DC?

I wondered that ^^ too.

I think a meeting with your midwife and explain about the data breach you already know about.

I've had to name change because my family members know my name on here and if they knew what she was doing all hell would break loose..

They're all going to know now anyway aren't they?