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AIBU?

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Original poster

Is this MIL's finest hour?

622 replies

namechangeorimfucked · 18/06/2015 11:54

I've had to name change because my family members know my name on here and if they knew what she was doing all hell would break loose..

MIL is currently on her way to the hospital to visit a relative (her niece). Niece has just this morning welcomed her first baby after a very traumatic labour that has lasted days. A failed induction and many hours later, she has had an EMCS and both are apparently doing well. MIL knows about all this because her SIL has been giving her updates as she receives them from her DD and her partner. She has relayed said details to me and DH.

MIL gets on ok with her SIL but does not like her niece, she has been very judgmental all through her pg, both behind her back and to her face. As a result of this, niece and MIL fell out at a family gathering about 3 months ago.

MIL received a message from her SIL saying that the baby is here but they do not want visitors til visiting time tonight. Despite being told this, MIL is going to the hospital to see the baby... Her SIL is not even attempting to go yet and its her GC.

Niece lives in another county, MIL is on her way there now, NHS staff badge around her neck, to pop in and see the baby. She accused the niece and of being 'silly' and once she gets there she will be happy to have a visitor. She also said that she has to go now because she is busy later in the week and 'can't be expected to wait for them'

The Niece's DP is on facebook now letting everyone know things are ok. Do me and DH tell him she is coming?

We explained to her that she will not be let in if they don't want to see her and she said she 'knows her way around' and is 'practically staff'. She is expecting to see the baby before her own SIL...this is going to cause a shitstorm so big it will consume us all.

OP posts:
DragonWithAGirlTattoo · 18/06/2015 16:16

i'm sitting here Shock ed

how rude!!!!!!!!!!

CSIJanner · 18/06/2015 16:17

Cross post. Bloody hell. She is delusional.

Original poster
namechangeorimfucked · 18/06/2015 16:17

I am SO glad we called ahead and told them. Niece must have got her DM to gatekeep, sounds like she never got anywhere near maternity.

OP posts:
poorbuthappy · 18/06/2015 16:17

Stick to your guns, present a united front and expect major tantrums and tears.

Hullygully · 18/06/2015 16:17

She's mad

Here's the thing: you can't fight the mad.

You and dp will just have to agree rules between you and calmly stick to them no matter what.

But she'll never accept them and she'll never change and she will always be the victim.

Hissy · 18/06/2015 16:18

You need to go NC. seriously!

ChameleonCircuit · 18/06/2015 16:18

I'm afraid her role as GM would be non-existent. I'm glad your DH has the measure of his mother and the courage to stand up to her.

Congratulations on your new....umm.....relative. Flowers (can't for the life of me figure out what baby is to you and your DH)

TurnipCake · 18/06/2015 16:19

Batshit woman.

She may well show up at your place tonight unannounced.

I'd also be writing a letter of complaint to your hospital re: breech of confidentiality.

CrystalHaze · 18/06/2015 16:19

I am utterly delighted that she's been put in her place, OP.

Well done to SIL and DH. Obviously she's playing the victim card, daft moo, but what a result! ????

ImperialBlether · 18/06/2015 16:19

There's an awful lot of detail here! How do you know which bay your MIL is parked in?

HazleNutt · 18/06/2015 16:20

"something could have been wrong with her grandchild and that I wasn't telling her, so she had to go behind my back for the sake of her GC"
ShockShockShock

McKayz · 18/06/2015 16:20

Bloody hell! I bet she still tries to turn up at yours tonight.

I would be having very strict words with the hospital that they never ever discuss you with her.

Original poster
namechangeorimfucked · 18/06/2015 16:20

Sorry I should have made it clear- she started talking about her role as grandparent to OUR baby..she tried making it about us when DH said she was controlling.

She wants to come round for a 'discussion' she does this a lot, she did it when we were getting married so she can tell us what she 'expects'. Its her way of controlling a situation I think.

OP posts:
leedy · 18/06/2015 16:20

(can't for the life of me figure out what baby is to you and your DH)

Baby is OP's DH's first cousin once removed (ie his cousin's child).

Also now shamelessly placemarking.

ElephantsAndMiasmas · 18/06/2015 16:20

Totally agree with Hully: you can't fight the mad.

Nice people like you and your husband try to justify, avoid, or explain the madness, but there's no point. In the end, she behaves like this because she wants to, and if people get upset (very predictably), she doesn't give a toss. In fact she probably enjoys it. She strikes me as the type who would be horribly rude to someone's face, and then when they get annoyed/upset, act like the victim "everyone hates meeee" etc.

She WILL come round tonight, so you better be out, or hiding with the curtains closed.

wafflyversatile · 18/06/2015 16:21

These people never start threads on here. stamps foot I guess they never have doubts so have no need for advice.

All you can really do (other than go no contact) is put your foot down and keep it down. As exhausting as that is in the long run it must be less exhausting than putting up with it.

Well done to your DH and whoever it was at the hospital for standing up to her.

SunnyBaudelaire · 18/06/2015 16:21

" she had to go behind my back for the sake of her GC. "

really ? sounds like she really doesnt know her place. If I were you I would put in a complaint about that, it just might pull her up.

She sounds horrible.

AllThatGlistens · 18/06/2015 16:21

Goodness me....

Original poster
namechangeorimfucked · 18/06/2015 16:22

Imperial

She told us she was parked in a staff- bay. I presume the car park was laid out like the one at our local hospital... but ive never been there so I can't be sure!

OP posts:
Niloufes · 18/06/2015 16:23

It smells mighty musty in here all of a sudden...!?!

@sleepybunny - I so hope it is a wind up because it would serve us all right for hanging on the misfortunes of others (even though the OP started it). I'm glad my MIL or M isn't like this, but I do have to contend with a SIL who must always have everything her way....

Come on OP we wanna see blood!!! and spit and hair!!

neolara · 18/06/2015 16:24

She is a bonkers lady. Good luck with when you have your own dc!

Hellothisismum · 18/06/2015 16:24

Ooooo I'm sat here half dressed, eating a cheese and pickle sandwich, just chucked kids a pizza in just so I can get this update!!

I hope she's been TOLD!

ScrambledSmegs · 18/06/2015 16:24

She's got serious problems. I agree with your DH - no contact, before the baby is born.

You can't reason with an unreasonable person.

momtothree · 18/06/2015 16:24

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Giraffeseyelashes · 18/06/2015 16:25

Excellent - from a mum to a mum-to-be, thank you so much for protecting this new mum. You did the right thing. And showed MIL a thing or two about how she can't necessarily do what she wants and that you will make sure of that for your future self. Well done to you and DH. It's great that he's on point with MIL - she's the kind that people get divorced over if their kids don't stand up to them.