Hubby's friends won't sponsor us.

[TorrAlexandra]

A couple that DH and I are friends with are getting married in a few months in Italy. Neither of them is Italian (they're both from Essex) but they've decided to get married there just because they can, and so we're all paying hundreds of pounds to travel half way across the continent to be there. They've also had the gall to ask people for donations towards their dream honeymoon as a gift - as if forking out for their dream wedding isn't enough.

What upsets me if this - DH and I are taking part in a sponsored run to raise money for a charity that helped take care of my father before he died last year, and out of all of our friends these two are the only people who haven't sponsored us, and DH has warned me not to expect a donation and the groom in particular has a history of being stingy when it comes to these things.

AIBU to think that if they can afford to have a ridiculously extravagant wedding and expect us all to go and to donate towards their honeymoon, surely they can sponsor us £10 for a cancer charity? I'm really quite disgusted and angry!!

Well, I'd sponsor you.

And I think they have a cheek asking for donations when people are spending a fortune to go to their wedding.

YABU - it's up to them if they sponsor you.

They could be billionaires and still not have to sponsor you.

YABU, am sick and tired of the charity stuff. We pay a direct debit because we were getting fatigued by all the requests, one couple in particular seem to do something every month and then go passive aggressive on everyone because of their declining returns.

It's become quite clear from their behaiviour that the charity isn't actually what they are concerned about, it's about them being able to put themselves on a pedastal, don't fall into that trap.

The wedding has nothing to do with it, no different to you having spent money that could have gone to charity on a bottle of wine or a bar of chocolate in the last month

YABVU

You don't have to go to the wedding, you are choosing to go. They don't have to sponsor you that's up to them.

We don't sponsor people. We're not shitbags or mean fuckers. We have direct debits going out to charities who we choose to give to.

Their wedding costs and location have nothing to do with your sponsored run. You are under no obligation to attend the wedding, just as they presumably grasp that if they choose to marry abroad, some people won't be able to make it. I don't routinely respond to friends' sponsorship requests, but I donate to my win chosen causes regularly by direct debit.

YABU sorry. I have charities I will support, and other quite famous ones that I will not, due to personal experience in their operations. I have twice now succumbed to the pressure of sponsoring people to do things they have always wanted to do, and it just meant that in subsequent years I got asked to sponsor them again..... being tagged directly in facebook appeals etc.

I am not a shitbag either. Due to DH's religious beliefs we actually give away 10% (after tax) of our combined each year to several charities, including animal charities, a cancer charity, a children's poverty charity and an overseas charity. That is something no-one else would know as we do it directly, so perhaps we seem like stingy arses too. [shrug]

It is a bit mean of them I suppose. But I don't think you can really compare the two things. Sponsorship and donating towards their wedding. It depends on how much it annoys you. I'd rather choose my own charities than sponsor other folk.

Sorry, I am also going to say YABU.

I never sponsor people (apart from my own DCs) since I have my own charities that I give to regularly and it would quite honestly cost me a fortune if I gave every time someone I know asked me to sponsor them for something. I most certainly have charity fatigue (are you reading this DC's school?)

There's always someone doing a sponsored something or other, my Facebook feed is clogged up with friends and family running, cycling, cutting their hair or doing some random trip to somewhere exotic.

YABU to expect donations from anyone. Well done for doing it, but I'm sure you're also going to enjoy it and I don't expect anyone to pay so that I can enjoy my hobby! If people gave to every single good cause they ever came across they'd end up broke and with compassion fatigue.

If you want to go to the wedding go, if you want to contribute to the honeymoon then do, but otherwise you have free will and can choose how you spend your money, as can they.

Maybe they don't support that particular charity.

YABU

Like many others on this thread, I have a direct debit to the one major charity I choose to support. In addition to that, I chuck my change into the buckets that people hold out at the supermarket for this, that and t'other. I occasionally sponsor a friend for a charity run or whatever, but only occasionally.

I'm doing a charity 10k myself next month - I have paid the entry fee and made a donation to the charity over and above that. I won't be setting up a Just Giving page or anything else because I think that we all get asked pestered so much for donations that giving fatigue has set in.

YABU.

It would piss me off too ...

Yes yes , I know they don't have to support your charity and it's their money to donate and all that jazz .

BUT if u had just shelled out a small fortune to come to my fancy pants wedding abroad I want to show a little appreciation .

It wouldn't offend me enough to say something but I would be seething quietly and moaning to DH about how our money and support is good enough for them but not the other way round !

Oh I'd forgotten about the school appeals...... [rolls eyes]. We had one recently where they actually said how much they wanted to be donated per person (it was double figures.... it was to tie in with theming how many years the charity had been running... granted we are in a catchment that includes some affluent areas, but really??).

Thankfully I only have one child though.... my friend has four and when she got the double-figure appeal she commented sourly 'per family or per child'?

I dont think YABU.
The question wasnt 'AIBU for expecting friends to sponsor us' which of course would be unreasonable.
The couple expect people to stump up to go abroad for their wedding then have the bare faced cheek to also ask for money to pay for their honeymoon, yet cant give a tenner to sponsor the same so called friends?? A bit rich if you ask me.
Seems like they just want to take, take, take and give nothing in return.

Why go to their wedding? I don't get it.

mileend
The couple may not 'expect' people to stump up to attend their wedding! They invite people and its their own choice whether to go!

Its ok to ask for money instead of gifts and it is ok not to get them anything or donate anything toward their honeymoon. None of this is compulsory!!

OP is not their friend if she has the attitude they HAVE to sponser her and they are not her friends if they 'expect' anything for their wedding.

Why are you going to the wedding in the first place? Take away the whole sponsorship debacle (YABU), you don't actually sound like you like them. Why are you spending vast amounts of travelling to a wedding - flights, accommodation, clothes, spending money etc if you're feeling resentful about it?

You could always not go to the wedding and donate what you would have spent on flights/accomodation/wedding present, to charity?

This. I give what I can to charity when I can. I have one DD to a charity which I may well cancel because, although I really believe in their campaigning, I object to the way they pressurise me for money.

I can't keep up with everybody's run/ cycle/ head shave/ ride nor should I feel I have to. I'm not remotely religious but when it comes to charity, I do opt for "let not thy left hand know what thy right hand doeth". I don't have to make a public song and dance about doing the right thing - it should just be a quiet way of life.

As important as the run is to you, I'm afraid for others it is yet another request for resources.

YABU the matters aren't linked.

However your friends are tight gits.

If only sponsor you if it was s really gruelling task that you were undertaking that meant a lot of effort on your behalf. Anything like a marathon yes, 10k no.

That's my benchmark I've decided after being asked to sponsor people for ridiculously easy stuff.

Deduct £10 from your donation to their honeymoon

Maybe it's a charity they don't support? Maybe they already have charities they support? The fact that they are having a wedding in Italy doesn't mean they owe you sponsorship, you didn't have to go to their wedding, so you didn't have to pay out to travel.

I object to giving money to charities that then spend money on asking me for more money or buy producing and posting me magazines I don't want recycling material - no I don't give to any of the big charities anymore.

I give to a small charity I know and I will always sponsor someone doing a personal challenge etc type event. Tat was I can stay anonymous and no one hassles me.

But not everyone is like that.

Some people get married far away in the hope that guests that might have to be invited can't get there as to the cost- how do you know who is paying for what is their credit involved-have they saved for years are her parents paying and actually maybe are they using up their money for their happy day
Not sure why it's relevant that they are from Essex unless you are having a dig
Not good form but not totally evil to ask for honeymoon money instead of a gift
They may have their reasons for not liking your charity or they may give privately or they may not have money to give because they are getting married and going on honeymoon

So YABVU on lots of points and making a whole load of assumptions