Hubby's friends won't sponsor us.

[TorrAlexandra]

A couple that DH and I are friends with are getting married in a few months in Italy. Neither of them is Italian (they're both from Essex) but they've decided to get married there just because they can, and so we're all paying hundreds of pounds to travel half way across the continent to be there. They've also had the gall to ask people for donations towards their dream honeymoon as a gift - as if forking out for their dream wedding isn't enough.

What upsets me if this - DH and I are taking part in a sponsored run to raise money for a charity that helped take care of my father before he died last year, and out of all of our friends these two are the only people who haven't sponsored us, and DH has warned me not to expect a donation and the groom in particular has a history of being stingy when it comes to these things.

AIBU to think that if they can afford to have a ridiculously extravagant wedding and expect us all to go and to donate towards their honeymoon, surely they can sponsor us £10 for a cancer charity? I'm really quite disgusted and angry!!

YABU - I never sponsor people to do runs, walks, hikes, cycle rides, 3 peaks, swims, mud challenges etc etc. In part because there are so many that I can't afford to sponsor everyone, but also I already donate substantial amounts to the charities that are particularly close to my heart. Maybe he's the same - and the wedding has absolutely nothing to do with this

linked by the friendship maybe Mrskoala?

Friendship? The OP doesn't sound very friendly towards the bride and groom to be honest.

Anyway, no-one should feel obliged to give to charity just because a friend asks them to.

I am sorry about your dad but I think your anger and disgust is misplaced.

YABVU

No one pressured anyone in my case farfrom. And where did I say that I pointed out to any of my friends how much money they have. None of them have any idea how I felt about it actually bad form for you to make multiple assumptions!
And yes, people are mean horrid shitbags sometimes!

I don't see how going to a wedding in Italy equates with sponsoring someone. Perhaps they donate regular sums to a charity that means a lot to them personally? Who knows. The two issues are totally unrelated. Stop being po faced about it. YABVU.

You could always not go to the wedding and donate what you would have spent on flights/accomodation/wedding present, to charity?

Win - Win

take me to mars I wouldn't have sponsored your husband either but I donate directly to the MS Society. My uncle who has MS used to sell things on their behalf and I bought off them.

I've got a solution! Don't go to the wedding, don't give them a gift, gie the money to the charity instead - problem solved!

Sorry about your Dad I too don't sponsor friends' efforts for charity as there are dozens of people doing different things for causes v close to their hearts and I simply can't respond to all of them. Plus I like to donate to the charities close to my own heart.

People keep track of these things? I mean, who sponsors them and who doesn't? That surprises me.

I don't know if YABU but it would bug me too - I would take the money I was thinking of giving them for their honeymoon and I would sponsor myself instead kidding not kidding

it is horrible to describe people who won't contribute to a particular charity sponsorship appeal as "shitbags". As someone else mentioned, if you work in a large company, you become overwhelmed with appeals for people asking for money. It simply isn't possible to give to everyone. I am also increasingly cynical about why it is necessary to walk the Great Wall of China or cycle across the Sahara in order to raise money for charity. I would give the same amount of money if people were expending the same effort in the UK. Who, apart from the participants, benefits from that trip?

Yes, YABU to connect the two things.

You can never expect anyone to sponsor you, everyone has their own 'policy' on sponsorship and you don't know what it is.

It is entirely unconnected to their wedding arrangements.

You could always not go to the wedding and donate what you would have spent on flights/accomodation/wedding present, to charity?

Win - Win

Exactly this. That way you don't have to waste money going to the wedding of people you don't like very much because they have more money than you do.

YABU. My Facebook feed is full of people who have set up a JustGiving page and want donations, or who want sponsoring for whatever event they are taking part in this week.

If I donated or sponsored them all, I've have no money left! So I sponsor none of them and donate to who I want, when I want.

We give to charity via work who match our contributions so it's a lot more efficient. The couple may also be already committing a substantial amount in this way.

Another YABU from me I'm afraid.

Their wedding is one thing. Go or don't go as you wish.

Sponsorship is a totally different thing. Some people sponsor everyone for everything, some people don't do any sponsoring for anything. Most people are somewhere between the two.

You shouldn't use going to their wedding as a kind of blackmail for things you want from them.

If I were giving to all the charities friends and family support through doing their hobby (whether it is jumping out of a plane, running, cycling, swimming, bungee jumping), and asking me for cash/"sponsorships" to do it, I would not have any cash left over for supporting the charities close to MY heart!

Yabu. Their wedding has nothing to do with your husbands running.

I understand why you feel this way, but don't think your friends are exactly 'expecting' you to attend their wedding. Likewise, they are probably not expecting you to contribute to their honeymoon - most people ask if there's a gift list and clearly they don't need anything.

My husband and I donate every penny that we can afford to charities of our choice. We thought long and hard about who to support. Unless there was a staggeringly good reason (better than your's) we have a policy not to donate extra. If we had it to spare, we'd have given it away.

YABVU. Firstly You CHOSE to attend this wedding. Your choice. Secondly their wedding and your sponsorship are two totally separate issues. Thirdly I wouldn't have been sponsoring anyone in the lead up to my wedding either, especially not anyone who seemed so entitled.

YAB vvvv U

Wedding has nothing to do with charity giving, you are being judgemental and you've no idea if it's warranted or not

I remember a few cats bum mouths when I said I'd prefer not to sponsor a work colleague's charity run last year, she asked (chased?) a couple of times and it was really uncomfortable. but what she doesn't know is that the reason i said no was because I have a direct debit set up to come straight out of my pay packet into her charity of choice, i didn't feel i wanted to donate more. but i wasn't comfortable having to justify it all to her anyway - why should i? and even if that wasn't the case, there are plenty of people struggling to make ends meet, why should they feel pressured?

this sort of pressurised charity giving is really off IMHO. OP is really bang out of order here.

Mean fuckers!!

I admire you for giving up your time doing the charity run and I hope you do well but YABU to expect any sponsorship money. As PP have said charitable giving is a very private matter - there could be numerous reasons why they are not giving you money. I also ignore requests from friends and family unless it is a cause I also believe in.

sorry i meant to say chased in public, in a v small office. where everyone overheard her asking me (reminding me) about the sponsor stuff she'd asked me about.

Oh, YABU to use the term Hubby!