To ask for your absolute wedding HATES?

[WeddingNoNos]

I am just starting out planning a wedding and trying to navigate having the day we want without any guests coming on here to post about my cunty bridezilla nuptials.

There will be no wishing well and no twattish poetry. What else do I need to remember?

Because we got married in the city centre church that we regularly attend and we had a venue (with plenty of free car parking) just outside the city we didn't have posh cars for the bridal party but instead got a coach for all the guests to take them to and from the church so they didn't have to worry about getting about and could park easily without having to drive in and out of the city.

What I remember about weddings is a) whether the people were genuinely happy to get married b) the food and c) the dancing/disco.

I don't care about cars, favours, flowers or any of that stuff and I actively dislike a live band (but that's just me).

Also, I know that people are really against the cash thing but I would much prefer to give people something that they want and can use and if that is cash or vouchers, so be it. If a holiday brings them more pleasure than a gravy boat then that's where I'd prefer the cash to go.

Oh and this is just me being a grumpy cow, but if you have a wedding list and people get you stuff off it, don't write them a gushing thank you letter as if it was amazing of them to think of such a wonderful thing.

"I LOVE our rice cooker, how thoughtful of you, it will be such a useful thing to have in our new kitchen, because just LOVES rice!!!"

Erm, we got it because you asked for it. And it was the only thing left under £150.

Just save yourself the drudgery of writing all that guff and send a nice brief card "Thanks so much for your gift and for coming to our wedding, hope you had fun" or some such.

Oh yes! I also loathe live bands. And big (any!) distances between ceremony and reception.

A large wait between ceremony and reception, even worse somewhere chilly with very limited seating. Fucking miserable. Only thing for it is to drink fast and then that ends badly too!

Soup, then chicken. I will be starving by this point and inhale it anyway but would prefer something more exciting.

I am also not that keen on a live band, wish we had just had a DJ at ours really.

Small children can be adorable at a wedding but only if their parents are willing to take them out if they start to cry etc and they should not be running about during the meal.

I like favours that I can consume, I don't want a tiny wooden box.

Don't mix people up at tables so they can 'mingle', I want to speak to friends, not make polite chit chat.

The problem is you're never going to have a wedding that everyone likes.

I hate the dancing/loud music part of a wedding and would happily go home after the meal and speeches. For other guests that's their favourite part and they hate having to sit through any kind of speeches.

My ideal wedding would be Church ceremony, finger food and wine, speeches followed by wedding cake and champagne, bride and groom change into going away clothes and head off and everyone else goes home. But I'm sure lots of people are reading that and thinking 'booooring'.

Went to a wedding a few years ago where everything was lovely, apart from the food. We were all v hungry anyway due the usual hanging around for photos etc so were looking forward to the meal.

Well the food arrived and it was that poncey 6 courses but each course type of thing with each course being about 2 bites. The main course was 3 bites. I can't remember all the details, but one of the courses came with 'Parmesan air' which was like having a small pile of cheese flavoured spit on the plate.

People were so hungry they were mugging the waiters for extra bread rolls!

A couple of people drove to the nearby airport to get burgers from a fast food place after the meal.

What was upsetting was the lovely bride and groom had obviously spent a small fortune on this fancy food that wasn't very nice, and left people hungry.

I have never been to a wedding I haven't enjoyed. Hen parties, oh yes, but weddings are lovely!

When the bride and groom think it's a great idea to unnecessarily sit every one with people they don't know so they can mingle and make friends.

I'm another who hates the 'evening guest' thing. It's hard to say no if invited to a wedding, but then you have to turn up, with gift, sober when everyone else has been partying all day. Either invite me to the whole thing or let me off the hook! Particularly important if guests are travelling to your home town and have to fork out for accommodation too.

Agree about hunger during endless photos too. We had guests served with wine and food during the photos. Sadly none left for us but hey ho!

But after reading this thread I may go for a free for all with the exception of the "top table" and the tables where best man and bridesmaid will be sitting.

I will go against the grain then and say that even at family weddings I like someone to have thought about where I am sitting and who I can chat to. I am a widow without children (and have chosen to remain alone so no partner or +1). We are a huge family so my siblings and their DH/DW, their children & partners and grandchildren are put on tables together. Someone has to work out which family table has a spare place for me otherwise I wander round like a lost soul.

And I don't mean 'relegate me to any old table with a spare place, with people I have never met before'. That's when I want the floor to open up and swallow me. I don't care if they are chatty and witty - I still don't want to eat my sit-down meal with total strangers who are cracking their own in-jokes.

HTH

Can I tell you about some of the lovely things o have seenlanned at weddings....

A 4pm wedding and then a big sit down plated cold meal for everyone, no seperate eveni g do and wedding breakfast. The food was simple and we'll done. It was either cold beef, salmon or chicken with new potayos and home made coleslaw. Followed by cold puddings

A wedding at a lovely church hall where wine flowed and all the guests were asked to bring food from a food list, mostly food for twenty people even though there was about seventy guests. It was great and the bride and groom did sprches short and sweet

Yes do treat your evening guests with respect and give some thought to how they will be made to feel welcome rather than kettling them all into the hotel bar having to buy expensive drinks while the highly entertaining and elaborate speeches overrun by an hour and a half in the marquee into which evening guests MUST NOT ENTER

it isn't compulsory to have an evening do. if you have been there since the ceremony you start to just want to go home. Or is that just me?

Rubbish veggie food. A slice of goat's cheese on a bit of puff pastry is not a main course (it's also disgusting),particularly when everyone else is tucking into roast beef or similar.

The best wedding I ever went to as mid afternoon. After a few photos we trooped next door to the church hall where we were served afternoon tea, which is exactly what we needed at 4.30 pm ish in the afternoon. Then speeches, during tea, dancing, evening buffet, ceilidh band.

Oh. I forgot the wedding where we were all told to wear pastel colors!

Thanks for all the posts so far!

Only local friends will be evening only. Any uni friends we invite up will be all day as will anyone else who has to travel.

Hen do will be me, my mum and my sister at a spa so that's fine

Speeches... I do want my dad to make a speech, and the friend OH wants as best man is hilarious so his speech is a must. Other than that OH and I are going to make a small speech together as I don't want him to speak on behalf of me and he doesn't want to speak on his own so well make a short thank you speech together.

I haven't been to enough bad weddings to have too many hates, but just think that people should keep things simple. Essentially a wedding is a ceremony of some sort and then a party. I don't know why weddings seem to have turned into weird more unique than you competitions. People want to see the person they love get married and then have a good party, which to most people means good food, good company, a bit of a drink and probably a bit of a knees up.

I'm not sure that most people's idea of a good day includes a marathon of different activities, spending lots of time with people they don't know and may well not like/have anything in common with, lots of standing around and waiting.

I like a formal ceremony and an informal party best, and I'm not sure why there is a need for two parties (meal plus evening thing). Have one good party instead, cheaper and simpler surely and no opportunity for anyone to feel snubbed, bored or lonely. Have a late afternoon wedding followed by an evening do, or an early afternoon wedding followed by an afternoon do.

I remember a friends wedding where she invited just close friends and relatives.
small registry wedding, and party back at mums place.
Each guest brought a bowl or plate of something to eat (this had been requested instead of wedding gifts.
Everything was served on/in mismatched china plates/dishes/cups etc. Then after the buffet, once all the crockery had been washed up, it was all auctioned off as a bit of fun and the proceeds went to the wedding couples' favourite charity.
when children tired they were taken off for a rest/nap where guests took it in turn to read to them or keep watch.

A lovely relaxed and happy day for adults and children alike.

Another tip is to realise it might rain so have a plan B. I've been to quite a few where it's rained and the bride and groom have been somewhat surprised by this and don't have a room or indoor space big enough for all the guests. I seem to often be squashed into a bar with twice as many people as it holds whilst waiting for dinner.
It's a strange one as if you've grown up in the UK, and are getting married in the UK, rain shouldn't be a huge surprise

No seating plan can work, HOWEVER make sure you very clearly define tables for family, and define how far that extends. My own DD had a kind of aisle between the top table for her and her new dh, their attendents and attendents spouses. The front Row of about 6 tables just in front were intended for the various combinations of grand parents and step grand parents, parents and step parents and silings and siblings in law and their kids, as well as a few parents of attendents invited to cope with children of attendents. Theses really should have had signage. Most of the family were involved with photos and then we had to gently ask people to go scramble among the awkard remaining seats at nearly full tables so we could be seated. It was a casual sort of wedding, so everyone resorted themselves in a friendly way after the first awkward moments.

Sorry - not read thread so sorry if repeated

1. Expensive Hen/Stag Night
2. Being asked to wait around for ages while photos are being taken. Especially without food/drink

Front load the food. People always pounce on the canapés that are supposed to keep you happy through the photo ordeal, and there's never enough. But no-one is really that arsed about the bacon butties at midnight, they just go cold and sit congealing half eaten and depressing.

I've never been a bridesmaid, but I've often thought it's a poor reward for your contribution to get to sit away from your partner and friends making polite chit-chat with someone else's parents. If I get married I'll let my bridesmaids off that so they can actually relax and enjoy the meal.

I hate sit down wedding breakfasts (that are normally no where near breakfast and more like supper) I normally get stuck with people I don't know and have nothing in common with or someone I don't like. The worst part is that I don't drink so can't get wasted. I have also been to 2 weddings in the past year where drinks were provided on arrival but only alcoholic ones. When I enquired if I could have something non alcoholic they looked at me with disgust and I got the worst tasting tap water in the world.
Make sure you wear something comfortable on your feet. My friend bought a gorgeous pair of heels that she struggled in all day and night and ended up with huge blisters for her honeymoon. I learnt a lesson from her and got married in white Doc Martens

I agree with Doobigetta, we had a buffet for the evening guests, who of course had eaten before coming out. As a result 90% of it was wasted. Food and drink in the mid afternoon is far more important.