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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask for your absolute wedding HATES?

280 replies

WeddingNoNos · 16/06/2015 23:12

I am just starting out planning a wedding and trying to navigate having the day we want without any guests coming on here to post about my cunty bridezilla nuptials.

There will be no wishing well and no twattish poetry. What else do I need to remember?

OP posts:
Momagain1 · 17/06/2015 21:07

Reduce the photo wait time:

I went to wedding where some photos were taken before the ceremony. the 'groom side' pictures were taken about an hour and a half before the ceremony. His parents and attendents, and some others who were asked to show up early if they could. Then he and his mates went, I dont even know where, maybe back to his parents, maybe to wait in a car around the block. Then the 'bride's side, family, attendents and some others, then she went to wait in the room the venue provided, while the guests arrived and were seated. After the ceremony, few simple B&G photos in front of the flower displays the ceremony had taken place in front of, then they did various groupings with the B&G. the biggest delay being hunting up people who hadnt been told they would be wanted, but the photographer had a list to work from and an assistant who just kept putting groups in front of him.

Original poster
WeddingNoNos · 17/06/2015 21:12

I've only ever been a bridesmaid once, for SIL, but that was lovely because she didn't have BMs at the top table so I could sit with OH :)

Think top table will be both sets of parents, me and OH, DD and (hopefully) DC2... then on table to one side, my sister +1, my brother +1, my grandparents, and on the other side, SIL and BIL, OH's grandparents and best man +1.

After that... we'll figure it out once we have, y'know, a venue and a guest list and stuff Grin

OP posts:
VolumniaDedlock · 17/06/2015 21:14

about the only thing I hate is a loooooong wait while photos are done wiht no chance of refreshments.

obviously free-flowing canapes and champagne is the ideal if you're doing tonnes of photos, but just the opportunity to buy a pint at a bar will do me. a mate arranged for tea and biscuits in the Church hall while photos were taken at the Church, before going on to the reception, which was very welcome.

oh, and seating plans which enforce mingling to the extent that you're sat on a table with no-one you know, while lots of people you want to catch up with are similarly scattered far and wide.

FarFromBeingGruntled · 17/06/2015 21:40

Please don't invite people without their DCs. Or only invite the kids to the ceremony but not the reception. Very especially if your guests are travelling any kind of distance to be at your wedding. It's basically saying - we like you, but not your kids. Horrid.

Have a great time and remember the important thing is your are marrying the man of your dreams and the rest is just frivolity Grin

Original poster
WeddingNoNos · 17/06/2015 21:56

I think if I invited people without their kids they'd have an absolute shit fit when they turn up to see DD and hopefuly DC2 bibbling about Grin

OP posts:
Zzzsnatcher · 17/06/2015 22:10

Not sending thank you cards. Grgh

toldmywrath · 17/06/2015 22:20

I've just been to a fab wedding & what made it so good was seeing the bride & groom having an absolutely wonderful time-they were so happy and relaxed and that passed on to their guests.(the groom was nervous of course before the ceremony)
I appreciated the little card that gave times of stuff happening throughout the day, the seating plan is a must imo (but then I was seated with my family, who I love & get on with)
No children allowed- I liked that, DH didn't!
Plenty of food & drink & no long drawn out photos & speeches please.

WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeGoes · 17/06/2015 22:42

I always heave a sigh of relief when a wedding invitation turns out to be no kids, they don't enjoy them, we enjoy ourselves more without them.

NameChange30 · 17/06/2015 22:46

WhoKnows
"I always heave a sigh of relief when a wedding invitation turns out to be no kids, they don't enjoy them, we enjoy ourselves more without them."
Surely you can still go without the kids even if they're invited?

shebird · 17/06/2015 22:48

Naff hen do's especially expensive ones at Spas or abroad or more than one hen do. My sister is getting married next year and I suspect that I will have to endure one or the other.
Pre and post wedding events that seem to take over your life and entire annual leave. I recently went to a wedding in Ireland that lasted all week. There were meals and spa days before the wedding, the wedding day itself, bbqs, more nights out. I was broke and in need of a detox by the time it finished.

WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeGoes · 17/06/2015 22:55

Yes, we sometimes do.

WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeGoes · 17/06/2015 22:56

Should add I prefer it if no one has their kids there though, not just us.

Summerisle1 · 17/06/2015 23:02

Could I put in a plea for the teetotal too? Or at least those of us who are unlikely to be able to drink alcohol but who would like some sort of liquid refreshment that isn't just orange juice or lemonade. Regular pots of tea always go down well with me! Only I've been to several weddings where there really haven't been any refreshing alternatives to alcohol.

Marmitelover55 · 17/06/2015 23:09

Haven't RTFT but I hate receiving lines - I remember queuing up for hours at a family wedding, just to shake hands Hmm

Summerisle1 · 17/06/2015 23:24

Ah yes, the horror of the receiving line. My former SIL got married on one of the coldest days of that particular winter. On arriving at the reception venue (already cold after standing around having some particularly uninspiring but very chilly photographs taken at the ceremony venue) all the guests were kept outside while they faffed around setting up the sodding receiving line. It wasn't as if we needed to be received since most of us were family!

Original poster
WeddingNoNos · 17/06/2015 23:27

OH is teetotal so non-drinkers will be catered for exceedingly well at our wedding Grin

I feel like I am learning so much! I want to get on and plan it all right now haha!

OP posts:
MafaldaHopkirk · 17/06/2015 23:28

Definitely go with a seating plan. I have been to one wedding where the B&G intended everyone to sit where they like to start with then move seats between courses. Of course, everyone just scrambled to sit with their friends, didn't move at all thought the meal
And there weren't enough seats so DH and I had to eat our meal at the bar. Not impressed.

cowbag1 · 17/06/2015 23:46

Another who doesn't get child-free weddings. Aren't they family too?

But if you must, it has to be completely child-free (who wants to faff about with child-care only to have to put up with someone else's kids all day?). Also be honest and specific on the invites and just say you don't want kids there. Don't tell me I'd enjoy myself more without them or some crap like that because I actually wouldn't! And no one ever knows what 'babes in arms' means so don't bother and just go all or nothing.

Rant over. Can't you tell I've had to turn down an invite to a child-free wedding this year Grin

littlefrenchonion · 18/06/2015 00:09

Being deliberately sat next to someone I don't know with the intention of all the guests 'getting to know each other'. That, and icebreaker cards.

That awkward bride and groom 'greeting each guest as they enter the reception venue' thing. I feel like I am queuing up to meet the queen and after hearing the five people in front of you tell the bride they looove her dress, wasn't the wedding wonderful etc. I always feel like I sound insincere.

And hen do's. I frigging hate hen do's. Particularly expensive ones that last more than a day.

Grumble!

MrsHathaway · 18/06/2015 00:18

we like you, but not your kids. Horrid.

No, it's more like "We like getting drunk with you, but not your kids." Which is quite different Grin

I've just remembered something I'd suppressed. If inviting children, don't sit them apart from their parents with someone else who's Really Good With Children. Because fuck babysitting unless you're asked in advance and probably being paid for it.

Vole3 · 18/06/2015 05:20

Best bit of a fiends evening reception was the bacon butties that came out at the end of the evening to help soak up the lemonade Grin

nooka · 18/06/2015 06:40

dh and I went (a long time ago) to a wedding of a good friend of mine from school. There were set tables and so we sat and waited for food at a table for a long time (with two small children) whilst having to make small talk with strangers who it turned out we really didn't like at all. Which was very awkward because presumably my friend thought we would like them, so we also wondered about that. I'm pretty good at small talk in general, but not when I am very hungry and have very hungry children who at the best of times weren't terribly good at sitting still. We ended up feeding them with the snacks we had brought and escaping very quickly.

I really don't think that forced socialising is a good idea. Have more than enough tables and chairs and let people sit where they like. I also don't like the top table thing, it's slightly odd having a group of people on display and reminds me of feudal lords in their halls. When dh and I got married we moved from table to table with our plates of food and chatted to as many people as possible. At my brother's wedding people moved around lots and I enjoyed meeting people in my own time and chatting to them for as long as felt natural. Also buffets done right serve people a range of food and much faster than sit down services do. Waiting for your meal to come when you can see everyone else eating away is painful!

AbbeyRoadCrossing · 18/06/2015 08:09

I'm going to disagree and say that if you're having evening guests you should feed them, or let them know if you're not so they can eat before. I remember travelling to one evening do and all the day guests saying how stuffed they were. A sandwich / roll would've done me. It was a stately home not near much, so I couldn't really nip out and get anything either

crumblybiscuits · 18/06/2015 08:19

At DP's brother's wedding they put me on the kid's table right at the back with no other adult. I have my own DD! I mean they don't like me, but still. So embarrassing.

TheCatsMother99 · 18/06/2015 09:18

I hate money poems with a passion.

If you're going to ask for money don't hide behind a poem.