To ask for your absolute wedding HATES?

[WeddingNoNos]

I am just starting out planning a wedding and trying to navigate having the day we want without any guests coming on here to post about my cunty bridezilla nuptials.

There will be no wishing well and no twattish poetry. What else do I need to remember?

Hmm, the only time I've been a bit annoyed (and I love weddings and forgive all the usual sins) was when drinks weren't provided for the toasts, and there was no indication that was going to be the case. It meant only about a third of guests had anything to toast with. I wouldn't have minded getting a, "the toasts are about to start, get to the bar!" Direction. Although I do think it was a shame some cheap fizz wasn't rolled out.

Op you sound very sensible so I'm sure it will be an excellent day. My advice is remember that your bridesmaid and best man are also guests. They shouldn't feel pressure or have to work, or do too much for you. I am not crafty but had to hand make a load if paper flowers recently, jolly everyone along and wasn't treated like a guest. I would add that I was not very comfortable with my dress, hair and makeup. I did what was asked, as I hadn't paid, but I didn't feel very valued.

A different wedding reception try was excellent. There was a photo session, but it was o the lawn of the venue, with a room with drinks a d we could all watch. We had canapés, a meal at about 5, then a high roast. Taxis where laid on to take us from the reception to the dancing venue. There was a seating plan but it worked well - everyone was with friends.

Geeky wedding with your family and friends sound lovely.

In priority order:

1. Food! Make sure there is enough and that guests aren't waiting around hungry.
2. Get married on a Saturday if you can. I'd much prefer to attend a Saturday wedding at a modest venue than a wedding on another day at a posh venue.
3. Ideally pick a location that's relatively easy to get to (with good transport links) and has decent accommodation options nearby.

I think it's a good question to ask because it shows you're thinking about your guests. The day is primarily for the couple, so do the things that are important for you, but it's for the guests as well, and good hosts would try and make them comfortable.

It's a balance really.

I hate people bitching about other peoples' weddings.

If you're invited to a wedding the chances are you know the couple fairly well and have an idea what the day will be like. If you don't like the sound of it then don't fecking attend and let the couple have someone else there in your place who will actually enjoy it - or at least be a gracious guest and not whine about the choices that someone else has made for their big day.
Life is full of compromises - work, children, family, friends but a wedding day is the one day where a couple should be able to say ' sod the lot of you, this is our day and this is what we are doing, get over it and don't whine.'

Do whatever you want! I've been to plenty of weddings recently that were very different from how we did it (weekday, travel from church to venue, venue far from where we live) but as they're my friends I was more than happy to take time off, travel etc. Honestly, your friends just want to enjoy your day with you.

Open bar is just a MN thing in my experience but that might just say more about my friends as we'd need to remortgage to cover the bar bill!

I love a child-free wedding but as you've got DD it makes sense that it's not!

Evening invites don't bother me either and I don't know anyone who didn't have them. We're travelling 3hrs each way for an evening reception - again when you like the people it's not an issue and we all understand that budgets aren't limitless.

You sound like you'll have a great day so enjoy and do it your way!

A few things I have experienced at previous weddings that have been less than ideal:

A church wedding, where the church had no toilet, and there were over an hour of photographs after the ceremony, which had already taken an hour or so, and a journey there, which was also over an hour, followed by a 45 minute drive to the reception venue. This meant that it was nearly 4 hours after gulping my morning coffee on the way out the door till I could wee it out again. Not good!

Whilst the bride and groom can't control the weather, they can control how long photos take, within reason, and I get that they want the special day captured. But having guests waiting around for 2 hours when the weather is indeed shit, and your outfit doesn't take it into account (and this can be hard in July, when it should be warmish, but is more like 9 degrees) is wrong, and if this is to happen it should at least be that there is somewhere indoors they can wait. Preferably with booze and canapes, but this particular day I nearly went and sat in the car I was that cold.

If someone could magically make it that high heels don't sink into grass that would be fab. I get that this is a big ask

I dont mind whether people ask for money, have a gift list or wishing well or whatever, that's personal preference and doesn't affect me.

People saying about having 4 bridesmaids - I was actually guilty of this, but is sort of "just happened". Basically I wanted my 2 close friends that I'd been sharing a house with for the past 3 years on the lead up to my wedding, and I thought that would be it. But I went home for a few months (abroad) after my visa ran out while I was awaiting further entry clearance and got back in touch with my absolute best friend from high school who was moving to the UK and would be in the UK for my wedding, so naturally I asked her to be my maid of honour. Then, once I was back in the UK my sister in law asked me if her daughter could be a bridesmaid, IN FRONT OF HER DAUGHTER, who would become my niece. Mother in law was also in the room, and her mother, and I really didn't feel I could say no. I realise I could have, but for the sake of family relations I said yes. Hence I ended up with 4 bridesmaids! Which is no big deal, the money wasn't a problem (Bridesmaids can be expensive). It was just one of those things.

That said I went to a wedding where the 3 year old son was the "best man". Churlish of me as this is, I thought that was really naff for reasons I can't understand or control so we all have our little bugbears.

Picking venues that have very little hotel/B&B accommodation nearby

OMG YES! "We are getting married at this stunning country house hotel in the middle of nowhere. Oh but you can't stay there because it's all booked out for my 40 relatives and bridesmaids. So you have a choice of this smattering of Royston Vasey-esque B&Bs that are all 20+ miles away. Meaning you can't drink as you'll have to drive back, or shell out ££££ for a taxi, oh except you can't do that as there's only one taxi in nowheresville and someone already booked it. And you can't take the kids up to bed in the hotel and take turns watching them, because it didn't occur to me that people with kids might need the hotel rooms most"

grrrrrrr

And re child free weddings, if you must, you must but please don't tell people they can't bring their kids, only to find when they turn up that there are in fact 20 kids there because you made an exception for your bridesmaids and your brother and someone who stropped and made a fuss.

My poor friends had recently had their first baby by IVF after a long wait and it was their first trip without her. They were really anxious about leaving her with a relative but they bit the bullet to attend a good friend's "child-free" wedding. When my friend walked in and it was full of babies and toddlers she was so upset.

Themes. Its a religious ceremony and venue not a pantomime. And the 'costumes/props' always look so cheap and nasty.

If you have a sit-down meal, you should have a table plan and seat guests with people they know.

If it's more informal (eg picnic or food van) then a table plan doesn't make sense, but you probably need to make sure there are more seats than guests so that groups don't get split up and people don't find they have nowhere to sit.

And I totally agree that you can't have exceptions at child-free weddings. It's completely unfair. A wedding should be child-friendly or child-free, there is no in-between!

Even if you have a child free wedding I think it is unfair to extend child free to babies (who won't require a meal) who haven't been separated from their mums yet. Have read so many stressy posts about mums feeling they have to attend a wedding but as it is child free can't take a breast fed 3 month old. It causes all sorts of hassle for the parents especially if the wedding is a distance away.

Here's the things that haven't been perfect at the last couple of weddings I went to:

Inadequate seating. There really does have to be the same number of chairs as you have guests.

Delegate but do so realistically and nicely. Work out what you can do yourself, what you'd rather pay to have done and when it needs doing. Make sure that your helpers know what is required of them. Only ddil was ordered to catch a train at 5 in the morning so that she could travel 150 miles to spend 7 hours making bunting the day before a wedding last year. A wedding that had been planned for 2 years. During these 'day before' preparations, everyone was shouted and screamed at. All.Day.Long. None of this was necessary. But by the wedding day itself, the atmosphere was grim.

Ambiguous invitations. Anyone invited to the ceremony might well assume they are also invited to the reception. There's nothing worse than realising that they aren't and instead are now expected to shuffle off for several hours until they present themselves again for the evening do. I don't mind evening only invitations at all. I just prefer to know this is what I have!

Basically, surround yourself with people who love you. Feed them generously and with a good heart and remember that most of the minor details only matter to you. Not your guests. A really good wedding is one that exudes happiness not one that concentrates on the colour of the napkins!

I think people should be able to bring their tiny babies too, but it should at least be the same for everyone. So the invite should say "This is a child-free wedding, with the exception of under-1s" or whatever. I think what's worst is when you bust a gut to sort out childcare only to find the rule wasn't the same for everyone.

Just make sure there are canapés to keep people going if it's a long day and that child free means just that. I'm still annoyed at a wedding I went to when my first was a few months old and having to leave her behind only to see plenty of other children and babies there. All brides side. Grooms had been told they couldn't bring theirs. Cue a lot of unhappy mums!

As a bride: Make sure you do what makes YOU happy. Plan things and make sure key people know the plan and what will happen when. Delegate like hell anything that needs doing on the day to bridesmaids/parents etc so you can just relax and enjoy the day.

As a guest: If there's going to be a long photoshoot it's good if there's somewhere to sit closeby, preferably also with drinks. Taking photos outside the reception venue works well as then people can relax inside and you can have a runner to bring out the people you need as and when so no one is hanging around a cold park stood up and freezing for an hour or three...

I'd say do whatever you like as you'll never please everyone. A few less than ideal that have happened to me though:

• Say my few weeks old baby can't come then get the arse that I can't come.
• No food / not enough food for everyone.
• A strict dress code where it's quite hard to find an outfit. I was 8 months pregnant and realised the invite specified certain colours and maternity occasion wear is a nightmare anyway
• Unclear invites. For example, you think you're invited to all of it but you're not
• If I've received a save the date or hen night invite I assume I'm invited. So it's better to sort your guest list before those things.

Hope all goes well

Posed group photos. Yuck! All that hanging around and being rounded up for "Bride's Female Friends" photo or "Groom's Family" so you can grin inanely like a school class photo. Reportage style photos are lovely, no hanging around or awkward poses.

Not enough food and drink available. That's where I'd throw all the money in making it good. Forget swanky wedding cars and zillions of bridesmaids, your guests will remember every last detail for all the wrong reasons if the food is insufficient, late or crap.

Line ups - a bit old fashioned now but some brides still go in for them. I don't want to stand in line for 30mins, starving, to shake hands with the groom's granny. Never know what to say anyway

Have to agree with loads of folk - feed and water your guests adequately and everything else will be ok! Seriously dont understand why you wouldnt though!

I know it's hard but please don't forget to chat to anyone. My best friend didn't make any time to chat to me on her wedding day and the worst thing was that I'd come alone with my 2 children and had nobody! I felt so bloody lonely even though I did chat to loads of other people...I kept waiting for my friend to have time to say a few words to me but she didn't and when I went to her, she was "stolen" again very quickly. I know it's hard...big day...everyone wants to speak to the bride and groom...but really. Don't forget anyone.

Really loud bands with nowhere else for non dancing guests to sit and chat, and hanging around for hours while photographs are being taken are my pet hates at weddings.

Thought of another one.

Massive distance between church and reception venue is a no no.

Either jettison your religious convictions and get married in the reception venue or book a closer venue. This seems to be a particular issue at Scottish weddings where distances are vast and venues scarce. It was 30 miles (just checked) between cousin's church and reception venue and, while a bus was laid on, everyone was stuck on a coach for an hour (plus loading time) and felt sick on the bendy roads, yuck.

To be honest, I hate same old, same old, formulaic weddings. As a pp said, they look as if the b&g bought them out of a catalogue.

Things like sweet tables, cup cake wedding cakes, or ice cream vans were probably original and wow the first time they were done. But that's what made them special, no one had seen them before at a wedding. Think of your own quirky touch instead of copying one that's now become boring from repetition.

Don't get married on a Wednesday, in some picturesque location in the middle of nowhere, so that all your guests have to take three days off work.

Don't turn up 45 minutes late at the Church. It just pisses off guests who've had to travel miles, and still got there on time.

Don't ask some guests to the ceremony but not to the meal. Evening only invites are fine.

On the subject of children, I think it's perfectly okay for the bride and groom to invite their own nieces and nephews but not all of their friends' children as well.

On the evening guest question we invited evening only people as we knew we had people who would leave soon after the ceremony and meal due to old peoples energy and small peoples bed times so we had evening only people (work friends / sports club friends/ church people). They helped keep the party going.

Having been a evening guest who was kept hanging round at several weddings whilst the speeches run over time, invite them to join you for after the evening party will be started, not to arrive to start it as you will run late....