To think a teaching assistant should not do this......

[Mumiboo1]

My child came home from school upset and distress after a teaching assistant covered his mouth and nose with their hand and telling my child to shut up.... My child was extremely upset. I complained to themed who told me they would investigate. After school the head then told me the ta had not lost their temper and that it was done in jest. I am completely disgusted the ta has got away with such behavior. The head belittled me for complaining and dismissed the whole incident as a joke

I am shocked at some of the responses here, why can't OP be upset that her child was hurt/told to shut up.

Even if the TA was joking,what image is that giving to children, that adults can do what they want. If another child has done this I'm sure it would be dealt with differently.

OP has stated she asked other children and responded in a way any upset parent would. Head didn't help in my opinion.

I'd do what formidable said. A teacher/TA should not touch a child even in jest. However, I am wondering how aggressive the OP was when she told off the TA, probably got the head's back right up. I don't think YABU to want to address this but you're not going about it in the right way.

I am shocked that so many people think this could possibly be acceptable. As the head has failed to take this seriously, I would write a letter of complaint to the governors. I think it would be reasonable to expect an apology from the TA and assurance from the HT that training will be undertaken to ensure this doesn't happen again. I think the TA should be given a warning too but I am not sure if you need to be informed of this.

Your child sounds like one who would benefit from this.

What makes you think that?!

As for Top calling him a devil child! what a horrible thing to say.

I think going to the police is clearly an over reaction, but OP hasn't suggested she will do that.

It isn't acceptable to do what is described in the OP and the TA should know that. I have done safe guarding training and when I worked with children I would have been in serious trouble and probably suspended if I had done this.

I'm not sure why so many posters are so desperate to believe the child is lying and that the TA did nothing wrong. Agree with previous posters who have said that this is why children who are abused don't speak up for fear that they won't be believed.

you and your child are completely overreacting

To the people posting have you read what the actual teachers have said about safeguarding and child protection? You cannot touch kids. Do you understand that?

Sangria. Come on! As a teacher of 21 years you know that we should never even in jest put hands anywhere near a child's mouth.

I think everyone is just piling on with all the dailymail mocking comments.

I still agree it's not a council/ofsted/police issue but no way is it a non issue.

And to those blaming the child, I have been told t fuck off, had students walk away from me while I was telling them
Off, tell me to Get lost, refuse to stop talking in class etc. despite all the shitty behaviour I still have never told them to shut up or touched/grabbed them in any way

Cannot believe some of the comments on here! Someone lays hands on a child n frightens him n that is ok?! Joke or otherwise, lightly or otherwise, that is never acceptable. Then the child is basically accused of bringing it on himself . Wtf am I reading.

I have worked with children n "hands off" is drummed in to u when training. This TA seems to have forgotten the basics.

Mum definitely reacted badly to it, maybe she was shocked n on the spot? Talk of police is o.t.t. , this is a school matter but one I would be absolutely furious over myself.

OP, my advice to u is to follow the formal complaint process, keep cool n professional at all times but don't let it drop. The school have sanctioned inappropriate behaviour towards a young boy, I'd say their safeguarding processes may need revisiting n I would not let this drop until I was assured things had been properly dealt with n would be different moving forward.

Good luck.

"a joke"
"hard to generalise"
"plausible in jest"

Erm...no. Just no...a TA is not allowed to cuddle a child to comfort them, yet they are allowed to cover their mouth & nose. Not acceptable at all.

I don't think anyone on here is suggesting that the situation, as described, is acceptable.
Many are just reading between the lines and realising there's only half a story being presented here.

I'm shocked by a lot of responses too.

I was assaulted by a student when I worked in a high school, and was questioned about how I removed his hands from around my neck! While I swiftly left that job, I'm still finding it hard to believe that anyone is saying a TA putting her hand over a 9 year old's mouth and saying "shut up" is fine!? I've worked with some tough kids and it never crossed my mind to try and physically "shut them up." Having to hide this thread, it's irritating me.

Actually at some of the responses!

YANBU!

Yes perhaps your child should not have been talking but guess what? He's 9, kids talk. First off, telling your child to shut up is unacceptable, I don't speak to my children this way so why would I think it's ok for a teacher to do so? Secondly, actually putting their HAND over their mouth?? I'm disgusted and angry for you. Take this further for sure.

How dare they belittle your concerns? Very very unprofessional. Perhaps contact other mothers of the kids who witnessed the incident too? Good luck

And in response to taking the matter to the police...

Yes it is perhaps OTT but if someone had done this to your child, no matter what the context, and you had complained to the head teacher and your concerns were not only dismissed but belittled in this way, perhaps that would be your first thought? If OPs complaint was handled properly in the first instance then she would not have thought this, I'm surr

I have to say I'm a bit confused by the events. Why would the TA be telling your child to be quiet if he didn't need to be? That makes no sense.

Assuming that this happened as stated. It isn't really on to be telling a child to 'shut up' or covering their mouths. However neither is it child abuse or a police matter. I think people confuse not following accepted common /professional standards and criminality.

While children should be taken seriously when they say that something has bothered them etc, I think most people realise that children do not understand the importance of accuracy or consequence. They also don't always read situations correctly. While children can and do lie, they can also be honestly telling the truth from their perspective and yet still be inaccurate.

It was absolutely wrong to confront the TA. OP you initially stated that you told the TA to 'keep her hands off your child'. There is no way to say that without it being confrontational. Your later statement of it being polite maybe your perspective but I think it is inaccurate. The head was right to call you on it.

If my child had reported this, I would have spoken to the class teacher about it but being acceptable and that I didn't expect it to happen again unless there had been an injury.

OP you obviously aren't happy so you need to put your complaint in writing to the head and go from there. The school's complaint procedure will help. Ofsted won't be interested.

child is not too traumatised

What? From having a hand out over his mouth for a few seconds?!

Ok, not great practice from the ta, and I don't like 'shut up' being used towards a child (did anyone apart from your son confirm this was said?), but really, your son will be at secondary school in a few short years he needs to grow a thicker skin if he gets upset by that. And he shouldn't have been talking.

I think the ta needs to make an apology to your son for Misjudging the situation, but your son needs to apologise for talking too.

Of course there is no problem for a Teaching assistant telling a child to be quiet if they are speaking....but they didnt , they told them to shut up! That is not acceptable behaviour or language from someone who is in that position and is a role model to children.

I don't think your son has to grow a thicker skin either-it is a normal reaction to be upset by someone telling you to shut up.

Yes he maybe shouldn't have been talking and if that was the case deserved a telling but not in that way.

Yes op- your son is in year 4- he simply MUST get used to people putting their hands over his face when he's outside, at a time that he's allowed to talk (as has been stated over and over. And. Over.) Ready for high school, where all the TA's regularly put their hands on loud students as standard practise.

Er what Uhplist ?! He has to grow a thicker skin for secondary. No he doesn't because we don't do that at secondary school! Covering mouths and telling kids to shut up is not regular behaviour management practice! What are you talking about?

"I'm not hugely surprised that he's the type of kid the TA wants to lay hands on. It's almost the end of the year, she probably has reached the end of her tether."

She probably is at the end of her tether ...but that does not make it ok for her to speak to anyone else like that. Surely part of a TA's role is to be controlled and not react to bad behaviour.

I have such a low tolerance of badly behaved or rude children, however how they are supposed to ever learn how to behave or what is acceptable if adults speak to them like that and show no respect. Being told to 'shut up' is pretty offensive.

bold fail!

In the world of adults it is never ever ok to put your hand over the mouth of a colleague. Telling a colleague to shut up also not on in most professional environments. But it's ok to do it to a 9 yr old in a school setting?

I'll be honest. I've told DS to shut up. I hate it actually because it's a horrible aggressive phrase and I don't want him repeating it but I was at the end of my tether and shouted.
Maybe this TA felt like that but sorry she is the professional and should know how to restrain herself just like I do when faced with school kids (who are not my own!)

I think this would be very unacceptable these days. I don't even remember a teacher doing this in the far off days when I was at school. You should complain.

I'm talking about banter from teachers. And much worse language from peers than 'shut up'.

The behaviour from both sides wasn't great. They both need to apologise.

Well that's not what you said Uhplist and it's totally irrelevant. His peers are not in a position of power and authority over him.
And banter from teachers doesn't involve humiliation or aggression. My best tool is sarcasm and a sardonically raised eyebrow

It's an assault. I would be speaking to the Head and saying either you deal with it or I am going to the Police to make a complaint. I think Heads often forget that they and their staff are subject to the laws of the land. I wouldn't rush off to the Police, in fact one of my children was pushed into a door by a teacher who lost his temper and we dealt with it in school but if the school hadn't played ball I would have gone to the Police. I think it is important to set the boundaries.

Hmmm - ignore whatever the TA did or did not...and how appropriate it was - as we only have the 9 yo's version of events...
How did the OP react to this?
As I understand it in the first post the OP approached the TA and they were told it would be investigated.
Then later the OP was told by the head to 'watch how they talked to staff' but the OP had only told the TA (politely but firmly) to keep their hands to themselves...
But then we also have Just think it's shocking the head even let this happen but yo have a go at me for putting ta in place is shocking
and
she just smirked at me telling me her conscience is clear when I told her I disgusted with their behavior

The head mainly seems to have issue with how the OP dealt with the situation. The smirked bit implies it became quite personal...
So we are left with a mother who seems may have a skewed view of their own behaviour ... then we have a version of events from their 9 yo ...

My advice to OP was next time you have an issue such as this do not accuse anyone of anything - ask what happened, say as little as possible about your child's version of events and find out from all parties what their version is and then decide what action to take. If any.
Not saying anyone is lying -or even exaggerating. Just everyone (even adults) can have different takes on a situation from their perspective.
I say from personal experience it is better to know the full story.
DD1 (only non-white child in her class) came home in tears after a (mean nasty) child in her class had said something to her. Worse it because she had been singled out by a teacher as being 'different', made to stand up in front of the class so everyone could have a good look at her. I was horrified and DP was furious - he was ready to go into school shouting.
Until you found out the schools version of events, what they were doing and the fact that DD1 had pointed out her difference herself and why. DD1's version of events was accurate - just bits and certain emphasis missing, the school's version was accurate except the mean child's later actions were missing. The mean child was then dealt with appropriately. Good relationship maintained.