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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think a teaching assistant should not do this......

157 replies

Mumiboo1 · 16/06/2015 22:39

My child came home from school upset and distress after a teaching assistant covered his mouth and nose with their hand and telling my child to shut up.... My child was extremely upset. I complained to themed who told me they would investigate. After school the head then told me the ta had not lost their temper and that it was done in jest. I am completely disgusted the ta has got away with such behavior. The head belittled me for complaining and dismissed the whole incident as a joke

OP posts:
MrsEvadneCake · 17/06/2015 07:40

But the OP says that the head teacher confirmed it was done "in jest". So lying is not the issue here.

We spend a lot of time teaching children to tell us if something makes them uncomfortable. Teaching them about their space and people's right to be in it.

It should not have been done. Not even "in jest" and the head should have apologised and reassured the parent it would not happen again.

lougle · 17/06/2015 07:46

POLICE. NOW. 999.Shock THEN MP AND OFSTED.

Or, you could just accept the explanation that the TA was human and whilst not ideal, your child came up no harm. It's not ideal to tall a member of staff to 'keep your hands to themselves' either!

CatsCantTwerk · 17/06/2015 07:48

I can imagine how calm and polite you were whilst telling the TA to keep her hands to herself. Hmm

Topseyt · 17/06/2015 07:56

Well OP, you seem utterly determined to plough on ahead and make an even bigger fool of yourself than you already have.

I would be willing to bet that your devil child is not the little angel he has made himself out to be here. You are being taken for a mug, quite honestly. You are acting like one too. You were aggressive to the TA and already earned yourself a warning from the head teacher. It means that if you ever do have reasonable grounds for questioning anything then you are unlikely to be taken seriously.

Topseyt · 17/06/2015 08:00

MrsEvadneCake, I don't think we know for sure that it was done at all. There is only the word of the child, who could be a real trouble maker, backed up by his aggressive mum.

TheoriginalLEM · 17/06/2015 08:02

maybe your ds constantly disrupts the class so she was jokingly trying to shut him up?

notapizzaeater · 17/06/2015 08:07

The governors have to remain impartial so I'd write to them (gives a paper trail as well)

WilburIsSomePig · 17/06/2015 08:11

I'm a TA and have a great relationship with 'my' children. I work with 9 - 13 year olds. I would never in a million years do this to one of the children.

DrankSangriaInThePark · 17/06/2015 08:12

As a young teacher I was hauled in front of the HT because I had sworn at a kid.
What I had done was tell him off for constantly disrupting the others. He was scared of getting into trouble at home for that, though I had no intention of course of informing his parents unless his behaviour escalated. Thankfully for me, the other kids confirmed that I had never sworn, or even raised my voice.

WilburIsSomePig · 17/06/2015 08:13

Sorry pressed post too soon.

Even if the child IS a troublemaker with an aggressive mum, this is the last thing I would do as I would know it was literally playing into their hands.

lem73 · 17/06/2015 08:16

You have not handled this well but I think the TA is in the wrong here even if it was in 'jest'. If you work with kids you should learn not to put your hands on them as your actions may be misinterpreted. Even if your ds was being a little shit at the time it was not an appropriate way to deal with it. I've worked as a TA and I would never dream of putting my hands on a child's mouth.

teddybears · 17/06/2015 08:19

I think the only thing the TA has done wrong here is to believe she could do something like that in jest and not have a parent overreact.

Trickydecision · 17/06/2015 08:20

Yes, OP, do continue to train your mouthy son in the ways of the complaint culture.
I am surprised you have not mentioned how big a compnsation payment you are after.
Looking forward to seeing you with a sad face in the DM.

Goldmandra · 17/06/2015 08:21

The TA has clearly overstepped the mark and needs some training so she understands what she got wrong.

The OP has clearly stated that it happened outside lessons when he was allowed to be talking but, even if it had been during a lesson, this is not how you tell children to stop talking.

It is important to make sure the child hasn't misunderstood but it is also important that we listen to children who say someone has used their hands inappropriately on them too. All sorts of abusive behaviour could be passed off as a child lying or just a joke. Incidents like this need to be properly investigated.

OP, I think the mistake you made was in taking matters into your own hands first and being aggressive to the TA. You should have just complained to the school and let them speak to her.

This TA will now, no doubt, be aware that she acted inappropriately, even though the school is defending her so at least she's unlikely to use her hands on your DS again.

Willowwalnut · 17/06/2015 08:22

It's not acceptable at all and I am so shocked so many seem to think it is. How many times have I seen on here people insisting 'it's a CHILD' to justify any poor behaviour? And 'he must have done something to deserve it' - er, really? Hmm

I am a (secondary) school teacher incidentally.

Willowwalnut · 17/06/2015 08:22

Mouthy son? Shock

lighteningirl · 17/06/2015 08:25

Tell your child off for being disruptive! and it's the heads job to speak to the ta which she has done, you have catastrophised the issue massively contributed to how upset your child was and yes please add wasting police time to the situation hopefully the ta will do the same .

mamabluestar · 17/06/2015 08:28

I think it's shocking how many people think that it is ok for the ta and head to make out that it was a joke. A joke, not the child being disruptive in any shape or form and trying to deflect their behaviour by coming up with an exaggerated story.

OP I would be calling your local children's safeguarding services snd asking to speak to the Local Area Designated Officer (LADO) who is the person responsible for investigating claims about a professional working with children. Which is often done jointly with the police, so I wouldn't say calling them was over the top either.

I hope that your child is not too traumatised.

formidable · 17/06/2015 08:30

I have one child I'd bloody love to put my hand over his mouth. In fact I'd like to duct tape his mouth shut a lot of the time. I haven't obviously.

Your child was not hurt and you need to get over it.

Going in all guns blazing and being rude to the TA doesn't sound like a good example to be setting your child. I'm not hugely surprised that he's the type of kid the TA wants to lay hands on. It's almost the end of the year, she probably has reached the end of her tether.

formidable · 17/06/2015 08:32

I think the only thing the TA has done wrong here is to believe she could do something like that in jest and not have a parent overreact.

^This

Topseyt · 17/06/2015 08:34

Yes, WillowWalnut, I do think that this has all the hallmarks of a mouthy son (and mother too).

BeaufortBelle · 17/06/2015 08:35

It's so tricky though. I recall ds coming home when he was about 7 rather upset because the ta laughed at him because he wouldn't sit on the grass because he's allergic to grass pollen (still is at 20) and comes out in shocking hives if it touches his skin. "ha ha x, that's so funny, sit down, of course you're not allergic to grass, no one's allergic to grass".

Quick word with class teacher next day "I was disappointed to hear that yesterday, be very gratefully if I never hear anything like it again. Can you let her know that if I do, I'll be speaking to Mrs x about it rather than you". She rolled her eyes "leave it with me". It never happened again.

We're not a very small community but I knew the TA and I knew my son and it was something she was likely to say. My children still talk about what a cowbag she was and that's looking back 15 years or so.

There are dodgy ones out there but going in all guns blazing doesn't help and I think children should be given the benefit of the doubt. I think it's so sad so many didn't come forward in connection with recent high profile abuse cases because they didn't think they would be believed.

formidable · 17/06/2015 08:42

Exactly. What's wrong with going in and saying "X has said this. Is that right?"

And then

"I'm not happy and if it happens again I will complain to the appropriate authority"

People have no manners these days.

WorraLiberty · 17/06/2015 08:44

Exactly formidable

And as for Police involvement. Words fail me...

GoblinLittleOwl · 17/06/2015 09:15

I believe there is (yet another) initiative being introduced by Nicky Morgan to reinforce discipline and deal with low level disruption in class, so that teachers can actually get on with teaching, and improve educational standards. Your child sounds like one who would benefit from this.

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